Delicious Blogging

Lego Fellowship, anyone?

2012-01-25T19:00:00.002Z

Hee.

Oh look I remembered I had a blog

2011-11-12T18:56:00.002Z

So about this time last year I was commenting on Duke Nukem 3D's astonishing cheapness. Well, today I hopped over to GoodOldGames.com and downloaded me a bit of Blood, very much a brother in spirit to Duke (used the same engine, had a similar feel and style, and in fact finding that Wikipedia article has revealed to me that it was co-made by Duke creators 3D Realms, which I didn't realise) - it's a game I have fond memories of playing round a friend's house.

And good heavens, it is even more shameless than Duke. It wants you dead every step of the way, even on the easiest difficulty. To give you an idea, the baseline enemy - the first you encounter, and the commonest - is a zombie with an axe, and may very well get up again shortly after you thought you killed it. I was getting thoroughly mullered for a while before working that one out. It's remarkable how much gaming has become more user-friendly in the last ten to fifteen years. And frankly, I much prefer it.

In completely unrelated news, my current film-based obsession appears to be Tangled. Watched it once, thought "yeah, decent film". Fancied watching it again, did, thought "actually, this is brilliant. I'ma buy it". And now I basically want to watch it over and over again all the time forever. It's great. It's so fun and so pretty. And Rapunzel and Flynn are easily the best leading Disney couple for years - since Belle and the Beast, I'd say. Obviously lessons were learnt from The Princess and the Frog's rather dull stars. (Well, Naveen was alright.)

Also, best horse ever.

That's all. You can stop reading now.

Words on the Internet

2011-08-13T19:21:00.002+01:00

Following on from my last post, I think Phineas and Ferb might actually be my favourite show on telly at the moment. It is literally the only programme I have watched this week with the exception of the new episodes of Futurama that were on last night.

(Technically I'm also watching Battlestar Galactica but I've got about five weeks behind on that somehow. All the episodes are sitting there on my Sky+ box waiting to be watched. And on that note, when does the show get really good? Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying it, but at this point - about a third of the way through season 3 - I'm still trying to work out why everyone went ballistic over how good it was. It's a good show, but it's not that good. So I'm wondering if it suddenly kicks it up the proverbial notch at some point. Possibly the fact that I already know the Big Twist over what time period it's actually set in has partially ruined it for me?)

Aaaanyway, to go back to my original point, Phineas and Ferb is great. It looks nice, it's funny, it encourages all sorts of positive behaviour in the younglings without being preachy or worthy, the musical numbers are brilliant ("rubber bands, rubber balls...") and all the characters are worth spending time with. I read somewhere that one of the creators said one of the show's rules is "No stupid characters or jerks" - I guess Candace is kind of a jerk sometimes but she's still basically likable at points - and this is genuinely quite refreshing. Also, Richard O'Brien's in it. What more could you want? There's some episodes up on YouTube, check 'em out.

Apparently I should change the title of this blog to "TV Theme Songs Currently Stuck in My Head"

2011-08-03T16:26:00.004+01:00

Today it's this one. Hey, at least it's not a Japanese one so I can actually understand what they're singing about.

I just finished Super Mario Galaxy 2 this morning (well, by "finished" I mean "beat the final boss", not "got all the power stars") and I really don't get why the guys who make these games can craft fantastic, fantastic platformers and then completely fuck it up on the bosses. Both Galaxys have a few decent bosses, but most of them are shit. And the shit ones are invariably the ones you have to fight multiple times because they couldn't be arsed to think up some new ones. I don't get it.

(Actually, as a rule I don't much like boss fights anyway and would be just as happy if they weren't there, but even so.)

The latest anime theme song to get stuck in my head

2011-07-24T20:18:00.002+01:00

Is this one.

So yeah.

Also, in Fallout 3, I accidentally made the bloke who helps you nuke Megaton run away. So now I'm trying to play through with Neutral karma instead. Go figure.

You've tried to lose Karma! And failed miserably!

2011-07-14T19:05:00.003+01:00

I've started a second playthrough of Fallout 3, which continues to delight and dazzle with its joyful brilliance. But it's all gone a bit pear-shaped.

My first playthrough was on the Very Good side of the Karma meter. I was lauded far and wide, people ran up to me to give me stuff for free, etcetera. So this time I thought I'd be a villainous villain and go Very Bad. I've even come up with a reasonable in-game excuse: I've made my character Asian in appearance, the little meta-narration in my head explaining that she's from a dynasty of cunning Chinese spies.

That sounds kind of racist. I should explain that in Fallout's backstory, the world has been reduced to a crispy post-nuclear wasteland as a result of a bit of argy-bargy between the U.S. and China. So the idea is that my girl (who I've named Ziyi in honour of Zhang Ziyi because a) she was the first Chinese woman I thought of and b) I really fancy her) is the latest in a long line of craftily planted agents designed to keep on screwing Americans over long after the war. Hence, villainy.

Annnnnyway, it ain't happening. I'm on level 5 or 6 and still on the Good side of the meter. I'm finding it genuinely hard to be a bastard. The worst thing I've done is told Bryan Wilkes, the little kid who kicks off the "Those!" quest (the one with the giant fire-spitting ants) to naff off and stop bothering me. And I would've done that anyway 'cos "Those!" is a really annoying quest and I vowed never to do it again after my first playthrough. And I gave Three-Dog a bit of lip, but since that was after I already helped him out with repairing his radio broadcasts it didn't do much. I did try to nick some of his stuff while he was sleeping, but he woke up, took the stuff back and then instantly went back to sleep again. Git.

So yeah, I apparently don't have it in me to be a wanker. Actually, this is a thing about Fallout which is one of the reasons I love it so much: there aren't enough games that let you be nice. Most open-world, "do anything" games translate "do anything" as "shoot anyone". (Hi, Grand Theft Auto!) It's kind of the standard response in gaming, so to come across a game where you can persuade people not to fight you and give up the vital keycard or whatever willingly is so refreshing that I find it hard not to choose that option. (On a smaller scale, the fact that in Bully you can wander around giving people thumbs-ups and compliments always delights me.)

I am going to try and kick off in Fallout 3 though, honest. I'ma nuke Megaton and everything. Although I need to get my lockpick skill up high enough to rob Sheriff Simms' house and find the Bobblehead that's apparently in there first. Then I'ma nuke it.

Although actually, now that I think about it, another reason I'm holding off on the bastardry is that I don't want to disappoint my in-game dad. Because he's Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson. You don't let Liam Neeson down, for heaven's sake, he's a talking Jesus-allegory lion Jedi that leads the A-Team. And I think he had a beer with Homer Simpson once.

I guess I'm going to have to keep reminding myself that the game's main bad guy is Malcolm McDowell. I'm not betraying Liam Neeson, I'm teaming up with Malcolm McDowell! No jury would convict me.

Slightly Irritated Max

2011-06-28T11:32:00.002+01:00

So to follow up my last post, I watched Mad Max and it's rubbish. He doesn't even get mad until the last twenty minutes of the film! And half of those twenty minutes consist of him driving round trying to find people to be mad at. Piffle.

In not-at-all related news, I'm currently reading David Mitchell's The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet. It's set in 1799, and there's an intimation at one point that one of the minor characters is a distant ancestor of Eiji Miyake, the protagonist of another one of Mitchell's books, number9dream. I love it when authors do that. (And yes, before you ask, I do read quite a lot of Stephen King. But not Michael Moorcock. I've never actually read any of his stuff. I guess I ought to at some point.)

That sure was a blog post!

Charidee, mate

2011-06-14T19:50:00.005+01:00

I love charity shops. Today's purchases:

The Twilight Watch and The Last Watch, books three and four in Sergei Lukyanenko's Night Watch tetralogy (side note: according to Wikipedia, the first usage of "quadrilogy" dates from 1865) = £2.50 for the pair

Mad Max = 49p on video

Lastly, and most importantly, RollerCoaster Tycoon = £1.99. I actually saw this a few days ago, and figured it wouldn't work on my current PC (the box only specifies Windows 95 or 98, not XP). I decided to get it anyway, and it motherfucking works

Hells yes

One of my all-time favourite games, back with me at last

Charity shops, motherfuckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Bubblegum: located

2011-06-10T18:56:00.002+01:00

Guys, guys.

Duke Nukem Forever is out today. It's actually out. Fourteen years late.

I meant to go into town and have a look at it on shop shelves but I forgot. Nae matter.

'Course, the next question is "is it actually any good?"

Good news, everyone!

2011-06-01T21:55:00.003+01:00

I no longer have the Bleach song stuck in my head!

Instead I have this.

Sha la la!

Well Mr. Burns had done it

2011-05-31T21:30:00.002+01:00

The power plant had won it
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while
Mike Scotia's tragic illness made us smile
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the bar-room tile...

Re: brains

2011-05-30T18:09:00.003+01:00

I successfully blagged a DVD copy of World of the Dead to review for DVD & Blu-ray Review, and watched it a couple of days ago.

You can't see me.

Well, there are a couple of shots where a blurry zombie in the distance might be me, but that's it.

The end.

In more-or-less unrelated news, another thing I've been reviewing is the sixth series of Bleach. So now I have this stuck firmly in my head. And now I am trying to stick it firmly in yours. Consider it a gift!

Eulalia

2011-02-09T10:22:00.002Z

From the age of about seven or eight to fifteen, I loved - loved - the Redwall series of books by Brian Jacques. I had the first thirteen of the series and compusively read and re-read them: my favourites were Redwall, Mossflower, Mattimeo, Mariel of Redwall, The Bellmaker, Outcast of Redwall, The Pearls of Lutra and The Long Patrol (man, that's eight out of thirteen, I can't decide which is the best! Maybe Bellmaker or Lutra. Or Outcast. Or...).

Anyway, they were wonderful. The first books I'd come across to really emphasise descriptions of places and things, they left mental images in my mind's eye so strong I can still recall them now. They were also the first place I came across several types of animals - polecats, pine martens, and most memorably, the shrike in Bellmaker (named Glokkjaw or something like that?), which I presumed was an animal Jacques had made up until I found it in a bird book several years later.

I re-read the books a few years ago, and they didn't quite stand up to an adult's eye - repetitive, predictable and with some slightly uncomfortable undertones that you could potentially read as mild racism, although I don't think that was intentional - but I'll always have a lot of love for the series as a key point in my reading history. And in fact I'm considering getting a couple of them for my niece to see what she thinks in a year or two.

As such, it's sad to hear of Jacques' death, and the fact that the forthcoming twenty-second novel in the series will abruptly be the last. R.I.P. Brian Jacques, and thank you for many, many, many happy hours of reading.

Teenagers? In connection with sex?

2011-01-13T18:44:00.002Z

Looking through next week's Radio Times, I glanced at the write-up for Monday's episode of Glee. I think it was reviewed by Alison Graham, but I'm not certain and I can't be arsed to go downstairs and check; let's say it was her for the sake of argument.

Anyway, I obviously can't really comment until I've seen it, but apparently it involves much grinding of twenty-something-women-pretending-to-be-teenage-girls' buttocks in a variety of tight costumes. Graham is quite shocked by all this, and says something like, "It used to be such a sweet, wholesome show."

One can only assume that she never saw half of the first series, what with its (very funny) repeated visual gag about one character's issues with premature ejaculation.

Okay, Glee is never going to be American Pie, and it is largely sweetness and light, but come on. It is about teenagers, after all, and to quote the immortal Xander Harris:

"I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex."

On the kicking of ass, and the chewing of bubblegum

2010-12-13T19:55:00.004Z

I downloaded Duke Nukem 3D on t'Xbox the other day, and have been playing it much of late. I did have the Saturn version way back when, but used the level select to skip through any bits I found too hard (i.e. most of it). So this is more or less a first playthrough.

And you know what's interesting? Its astonishing cheapness.

It's pretty hard, yeah. But a whole bunch of its hardness is due to the developers being cheating scumbags. Enemies fly around, shooting at you from slightly higher than you can move Duke's line-of-sight. Crucial bits of level-progression stuff are hidden in scenery that is nearly impossible to discern from non-descript background art. I've just come across a new type of enemy that flies at you and then self-destructs, doing a ton of damage - it's the aneurysm-inducing suicide soldiers from Serious Sam, except they can come from any angle and they're almost silent.

I'm not disparaging the game as a whole, mind. It's still a lot of fun to play, and it's interesting seeing the sort of stuff that became FPS standards: if I remember right, it was the first in the genre to offer some real-world environments; there are some basic switch puzzles that presage the way the genre has gradually grown a few brain cells; there's an emphasis on inventive weaponry, some of which is still distinctive (Shrinker! Woo!), as well as early outings for the sort of trap weaponry that is now common.

But it really is remarkable to see the sort of shenanigans that we used to put up with. Gearbox won't be able to get away with putting this sort of stuff in the forthcoming Forever. (If it actually is forthcoming. I'm remaining sceptical and Scully-like until the boxes are on shop shelves.)

Brains, &c.

2010-12-12T17:06:00.003Z

You should watch World of the Dead: The Zombie Diaries when it comes out. Why? Because I'm a zombie in it! Whether I'll actually show up on camera or not is an unknown quantity, but I'm in what I presume was one of the more expansive action sequences (a few soldiers and about a hundred zombies in the woods).

So, yeah. That's what I've been doing today.

Suspicions confirmed

2010-11-09T10:06:00.002Z

I've been thinking for a while I should try and check out Twin Peaks some time.

And now the Horror Channel has started showing it nightly.

The TV execs are in my brain! And I love it.

Only remaining question is whether to use my newfound powers for good or evil.

Suspicions

2010-11-07T16:03:00.002Z

Last Wednesday, a new TV series started. It was hosted by Wallace and Gromit.

Then on Friday, a new David Attenborough series began. It was immediately followed by a show about zombies.

Are TV execs reading my brainwaves and using them to commission new shows?

*wishes really hard for a proper gaming show hosted by Charlie Brooker*

A handy guide

2010-10-15T01:01:00.001+01:00

I've just had this discussion with a friend via text message but I thought I'd save it here for posterity. When you've just come in from the pub:

Tea + toast + Lost in Translation = FUCK YEAH

Bye now to the mighty Zone

2010-09-21T10:35:00.004+01:00

Wow, that was a laboured pun. Even for me.

I've never really been a PC gamer, it's just too much of a headache. However, round about the turn of the millennium I did give the concept a go. And during this brief period (round about mid 1998 to late 2000), I did what I always do when confronted with a new area of gamesplaying to navigate - I turned to a magazine. Said magazine was PC Zone.

I have read many a gaming mag in my years - some lasted one curious issue, others stayed with me for extended periods, as I eagerly snapped up each new edition. PC Zone fell into the latter category. It was, quite simply, a very fine read. Even though my PC of the time was too basic to run the majority of titles featured - it could just about manage Half-Life, but that was the extent - I got it every month for around 15-18 issues. (Actually, I decided to stop getting it one month and reversed the decision the next, with the result that I missed #71, which included the Half-Life review. That always niggled me.) It was simply a delight to devour, with every writer offering their own slant - it was the first magazine that showed me how each writer can have a very distinct voice - and great heaping helpings of articles and features that were interesting even if I had no intent of buying the games they were talking about. On a more practical level, the monthly demo discs were great, too.

I still have a couple of issues - and possibly a demo disc or two - floating about, and as such I'm sad to see that it's closing after 17 years. Farewell, Zone - you'll be missed.

Pundamentals

2010-09-15T19:37:00.002+01:00

Today I have been watching series six of CSI: NY for a review. It never ceases to amaze me how this show can get writers who are capable of good, twisty (if usually ludicrous) plots and yet cannot write dialogue to save their collective lives. More than once this afternoon I've thought, "Oh my goodness s/he actually just said that," and I'm only four episodes in.

(The only instance I can think of off the top of my head is where a couple of guys are chasing a street hustler who's been doing a bit of three-card monte. When they catch him, one guy says, "Looks like it's time to fold." GROAN)

Also, everything must be explained at least three times for slower audience members. I think at one point they managed to explain a plot detail six times in forty seconds.

Living in the future, &c.

2010-08-07T16:05:00.002+01:00

Every so often, the whole concept of Wi-Fi staggers me anew. I'm sitting in the front room Internetting it up on my new netbook with built in Wi-Fi, and it occurred to me that if you were to head back in time, say, twenty years, and explain how before long you'd be using tiny computers that could suck videos and information and music and stuff OUT OF THIN AIR you'd be burned as a witch.

...Although actually, thinking about it, it's only five years until Back to the Future II-time. Get a move on, hoverboard-developer-types, and so on.

Words

2010-05-20T18:53:00.001+01:00

Broken Social Scene's album gives me an aural erection. I've had "World Sick" in my head all day and I love it. Discuss.

(You don't really have to discuss)

Also, my copy of I'm a Cyborg finally arrived today. It was quite good.

Now is the time to write on the blog

2010-05-19T11:32:00.002+01:00

Oh god, that title is an old forum joke from about four years ago that about sixty people in the entire world will get. I'm such a nerd.

So yeah. I felt like writing on this but I didn't have a topic in mind so I figured I'd just start and see what happens.

Nothing, apparently.

I think I'm gonna try booting up the Dreamcast in a bit. I'm currently on my second model and I'm pretty sure it's dying. I want to see if I can't get a bit of Shenmue action in, though, I'm halfway through a playthrough. I think. Haven't touched the thing in months due to its nearing-death.

Random fact: did you know that The 5th Dimension, the old ride at Chessington World of Adventures, had a script written by Douglas Adams? Sadly I only ever got to go on it once, the very first time I went to Chessington, and it scared the life out of me and I kept my eyes shut most of the way round. I was five or six at the time, so hey.

Incidentally, I went to Thorpe Park a couple of weeks ago, and Saw The Ride? Brilliant. It's so much fun. While I love rollercoasters, a lot of them make me slightly queasy or, hey, scare me a bit. But Saw stands proud alongside the likes of Nemesis, Oblivion and Rita as being pure exhilarating joy.

*goes to check the post that just came through the door*

Goddammit Lovefilm, where's my copy of I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK? I got an email like last Thursday saying it had been posted and it hasn't turned up yet.

Okay I think I'm done blathering now. I might go watch an episode of Firefly or summat.

(Entire world: "NOBODY CARES")

Five great endings

2010-05-15T22:38:00.003+01:00

Inspired by the fact that I've just been watching Lost in Translation, here are five great endings to things. Not necessarily the five best, but the fact that they're the first five to pop into my head probably counts for something.

5. Panzer Dragoon Saga

It may be twelve years old, but I still ain't gonna spoil it. It's probably on YouTube or something. What's brilliant is that it takes a staple occurrence of RPG gaming that happened right at the start of the game and that you no doubt forgot about and uses it to turn the entire plot on its head.

4. Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

World peace is ushered in through the power of rocking out. Yes.

3. "Not Fade Away", the last episode of Angel

Angel's last series was its best and its last episode was arguably the best of that. I don't read the comic continuation because this episode ends it so wonderfully.

2. Lost in Translation

Well, yeah. It's the use of The Jesus and Mary Chain's "Just Like Honey" that does it, really.

1. The last strip of Calvin and Hobbes

Duh.

The question doesn't matter

2010-03-26T11:07:00.003Z

Dinosaur Comics

The Bat Man

2010-02-16T15:29:00.004Z

So I seem to be on a bit of a Batman kick at the moment. I've been fiddling about with the challenge mode in Arkham Asylum, I watched Batman Begins for the first time in yonks the other day and plan to follow it up with The Dark Knight soon, and last week I even dreamt I was the man himself.

I'm pretty sure this has been observed before now, but I reckon the two most likely villains to appear in Nolan's next Batpic will be the Riddler and Harley Quinn, due to the way that each villain is really being marked up as different sides of Bats' personality and/or modus operandi. Observe:

Begins had Scarecrow (fear) and Ra's al Ghul (deception). Both also involved symbolism.
Knight had Joker (theatricality) and Two-Face (dual identities). Both also involved madness.
The next one will have Riddler (intelligence) and Harley (obsession). Both also involve a certain "look-at-me" mentality.

Like I say, it's surely been pointed out before. But when it happens, I totally called it.

(Or alternatively the series will go off on a complete tangent and Man-Bat and Killer Moth will be the bad guys.)

Psychoville is brilliant

2010-01-20T20:17:00.001Z

A friend lent me the DVD and I finished watching it earlier today and it's brilliant

And they're doing some more

yay

A list of films that I saw in the year 2009 and brief opinions on same

2010-01-01T15:03:00.007Z

And you can't say fairer than that.

Inkheart

Good solid family fantasy in the Never Ending Story/Willow/other such '80s movies mould - not amazing, but decent entertainment. Also I read the book a few months later and the film's actually better. Worth a watch to see Andy Serkis really enjoy saying the phrase "duct tape".

Watchmen

Covered way back when - basically, not bad. A bit too beholden to the comic sometimes, but probably as good a movie as you could make out of the material without incurring too much fanboy wrath. Top marks to Billy Crudup, who essayed what must be one of the hardest roles in the history of everything brilliantly.

Let the Right One In

Excellent. Spooky, thoughtful, tender and atmospheric. And again, better than the book (although the fact that the original author wrote the screenplay probably helped there). A stunning pair of performances from the young leads.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I basically only went to see this as an X-fan, expecting it to be fairly dire and SUPER-SERIOUS AND ANGSTY. Imagine my surprise and delight that everyone was more interested in being shamelessly over-the-top and silly. And did it have a bit where Hugh Jackman walked away from an explosion in slow motion? Yes, it did have a bit where Hugh Jackman walked away from an explosion in slow motion!

Coraline

Blimey, but this was a feast for the eyeballs. Being the first (and thus far, only) full-length film I've seen in 3D probably helped, but I kept having these moments where I'd admire a background detail then think "Someone made that." The atmosphere is impeccable, the soundtrack astonishing. My initial feeling was that the story was a little too simplistic, but on reflection I considered that it was deliberately positioning itself as a traditional fairy tale. Rewatchings on DVD also helped me pinpoint a few extra subtleties I'd missed the first time round. Basically, what I am saying is that this is an excellent film.

Star Trek

God bless you, JJ. You remembered that blockbusters used to be fun. This relentlessly entertaining romp kept me fully entertained in the most straightforward sense from beginning to end. And it had the best haircuts for extras in the history of anything ever.

I've Loved You So Long

Okay, so this isn't a 2009 film but I saw it in a cinema (well, my local arts centre) in 2009 and I hadn't seen it before so it counts. Fantastic acting all round, it might have been in with a shot of my favourite film of the year but for the plot, which seemed to be saying "Ha! Shocked you there!" when it was pretty obvious what was being led up to. Still superb, though.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

I found this passable enough when actually sitting in the cinema but upon reflection it was rubbish, wasn't it? Let's move on.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Otherwise known as David Yates Continues His Love Affair With The Colour Grey. Admittedly there was more point to the dour palette here than in Order of the Phoenix, but c'mon man. Anyway, it was all right in that special way that Harry Potter films have of being passable adaptations of books but fairly limp when it comes to being films in their own right.

(500) Days of Summer

Top stuff. Intelligently written and acted (top marks for protagonist Tom's descent into misery, where you feel bad for him but at the same time want to yell at him to stop being such a tit) with all sorts of brilliant inventive bits (the dance sequence, the split-screen party, the spoof of nouvelle vague that had me in absolute stitches). On a down note, I recognised several songs in the soundtrack but only own one of them, which means I'm not cool. Bah.

District 9

Very good, but not quite as good as the hype made out. An excellent performance from Sharlto Copley (who is apparently in the A-Team remake or something?) kept it grounded. Pun not really intended.

Creation

Excellent. Paul Bettany's central performance is surely worth an award nod or three, if not the awards themselves. Actually, everyone was fantastic in it. Some great sequences showing time-lapse nature, too.

Up

Another slightly over-hyped entry - I felt that the comedy and drama were superlative, but the action/adventure sections seemed tacked on and could quite easily have been junked. A slight disappointment, but only very slight. Doug is probably the best character in all the films of the year, though.

In the Loop

An exquisitely sharp wit, remarkably depressing, pretty much a failure when it comes to actually creating believable characters. Probably not the point for this sort of movie, admittedly, but I always find it hard to warm to films where you can't sympathise with at least one person.

Zombieland

Another one that I wasn't expecting much out of - probably a few good cheap laughs, inventive zombie-splotting, the end. A very nice surprise to find a witty, well-rounded comedy that satisfied on every level and leaves me wishing they'd hurry up and release the DVD already.

The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus

Yes, it got around Ledger's death smoothly, yes, it was very odd. And yes, surprisingly, Lily Cole gave a good performance. It did feel like a series of remarkable visual ideas searching for something more concrete, though.

9

Lovely look, good ideas, bit of a shame the script occasionally let it down. Not bad, but I imagine the short film that inspired it is probably better.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Now this was great. Witty, charming, imaginative, and, as noted, had a stop-motion Jarvis Cocker in it. The scene where Mr. Fox and Badger's arguement devolves into snarling and claw-waving was quite possibly the funniest scene of the year. Loved the "cuss" stuff, as well, which was far funnier than it probably should have been.

Where the Wild Things Are

What an odd film. It captured that arbitrary logic of many kids' stories (by which I mean both stories for kids and stories by kids) exquisitely, and the monsters were remarkable. A flawless performance by the wonderfully-named Max Records as Max, too. Overall, good not great; very memorable, though. But seriously, how did Spike Jonze ever convince the suits to stump up the cash?

So, best film of the year? Well, it's a toss-up between Let the Right One In and Coraline. And frankly, I can't make my mind up (it was originally Swedish vampires quite comfortably, but DVD rewatchings of girl meeting scary Freudian monster has seen my opinion of it rise, and I haven't got round to rewatching Right One yet). We'll call it a draw for now.

Ten in 2010

2009-11-30T18:43:00.003Z

I have that Bad Religion song pop into my head whenever I ponder next year. Too much time playing Crazy Taxi, obviously.

(Side note: there is no such thing as "too much time playing Crazy Taxi")

So I thought it would be a neat fit if I made a list of Ten things I am looking forward to in 2010. Do you see? Do you? Do you?

In no order beyond alphabetical!

Books

1. Scott Pilgrim vol. 6 by Bryan Lee O'Malley
Why should it rock? Because it is the last in the Scott Pilgrim series and the Scott Pilgrim series is one of the best things anyone has done ever.
Why might it suck? If the art gets any stubbier the characters may actually disappear. Also if there isn't a Mega Man-style boss rush where all the evil exes appear again I might cry.

Movies

2. Alice in Wonderland
Why should it rock? Because it is Tim Burton directing an adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. With Alan Rickman as the Caterpillar.
Why might it suck? Because there's a billion versions of it already. Also, it's a sort of "sequel" with a teenage Alice, which could potentially be quite interesting and also potentially be bloody awful. Plus American McGee did that already.

3. Ponyo
Why should it rock? Because it is Hayao Miyazaki's new film. Well, new-ish. I think the UK is about the only part of the world where it hasn't been released yet.
Why might it suck? It may not actually be good enough to cure cancer. I wouldn't bet on it, mind.

3. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Why should it rock? Because it is Edgar Wright directing all six books in one glorious go. His copious on-set photos have already proved that if nothing else it'll prove magnificent detail-spotting fun.
Why might it suck? Six books in two hours? Also, it may actually come out before the sixth book, which would cause all sorts of quandaries (although I seem to recall reading that the film has a different ending to the book).

4. Toy Story 3
Why should it rock? Because it is Toy Story 3. It's like Toy Story 2, plus one.
Why might it suck? The guys voicing Mr. Potato Head and Slinky Dog have both died since the last one (although you can't really tell from the trailer).

Video games

5. Bayonetta
Why should it rock? It looks very much being like the maddest game ever made. Considering it's the spiritual sequel to God Hand, this is saying something. (Quick rundown - you play a witch who wears a suit made out of her own hair and shoot angels with the guns you've got strapped to your boots.)
Why might it suck? It might not actually be fun to play. Although word from Japan seems to suggest the exact opposite.

6. Bioshock 2
Why should it rock? The first Bioshock is one of the best games I've ever played. The additions for the new game sound intriguing, but the main draw for me is simply getting to explore more of the underwater art deco dystopia of Rapture.
Why might it suck? It's being made by a different development team, and it's arguable that the first game didn't really need a sequel. Also, the Big Sister fights sound as though they may leave me a gibbering wreck on the floor.

7. Crackdown 2
Why should it rock? Crackdown plus one. All the new features announced thus far sound, to borrow the vernacular, sweet as.
Why might it suck? Again, it's being made by a different team. However, several of the original programmers have defected to this team, so the point may be moot.

8. Dead Rising 2
Why should it rock? It sounds like all the good bits of Dead Rising, minus the big helpings of rubbish idiocy that stopped it from actually being enjoyable.
Why might it suck? They may have kept the rubbish bits in and just not told us.

9. Ni-no-Kuni: The Another World
Why should it rock? It's an RPG from Level-5, the current can-do-no-wrong darlings of the gaming world. (Professor Layton and the recent Dragon Quests be theirs.) And they've teamed up with Studio Ghibli, who are doing the cutscenes and the general art design. I shall repeat that: Level-5 and Studio Ghibli have teamed up to make an RPG. Oh, and Joe Hisaishi's doing the music.
Why might it suck? I didn't really get on with Level-5's Rogue Galaxy. That's the best I can come up with on the downside. This game will fucking rock.

10. Tatsunoko vs. Capcom: Ultimate All-Stars
Why should it rock? I've got a soft spot for big crossover fighters. Despite the fact I've never heard of nearly all of Tatsunoko's output (they're a Japanese animation company, if you're wondering), the chance to pit Ryu against Viewtiful Joe is good enough for me.
Why might it suck? I don't think it will. I'm not looking for the sort of head-spinning brilliance I'm hoping the other things on this list will provide, merely silly, enjoyable entertainment. Which I suspect this will deliver on.

Dearie me

2009-11-28T19:00:00.001Z

Those wacky Japanese-porn-comment-people are still at it. That post has got 56 comments now.

"So Bob, whatcha get me for Christmas?"

2009-11-23T19:00:00.002Z

(adopts croaky voice) "I got you WEIRDNESS."

I'm confident that filming that video is the most fun any of the people in it have ever had.

Why you should see Fantastic Mr. Fox

2009-11-13T18:45:00.002Z

Well, there are multiple reasons, like "it's a good film" and such. But the main reason is that there is a character in it called Petey. He's one of Farmer Bean's lackeys, and he's voiced by Jarvis Cocker.

And rather than make up his appearance, they just made the model look like Jarvis Cocker.

This is a film with a stop-motion Jarvis Cocker in it.

And yes, he's holding a banjo because he sings a song at one point. Then Michael Gambon (Bean) shouts at him.

Me and my friend Phil sincerely hope Jarvis was given the model after filming finished and it now adorns his mantlepiece.

We are two mariners

2009-10-22T19:15:00.002+01:00

Dear ITV, I have an idea to help get you some more viewers. It is a spin-off of The X Factor, called The D Factor. Basically it is almost exactly like its parent show, except the "wannabe hopefuls" or whatever they are called are only allowed to sing Decemberists songs.

This would work because a) it would be hilarious and b) I would watch it, so you're guaranteed a whole extra viewer. I feel the concept of a wild-eyed seventeen-year-old girl singing the entirety of "The Mariner's Revenge Song" in the time-honoured overblown-Mariah-Carey-style, caught in the glow of ten million lights, sweat trickling on her brow as Simon Cowell, Thingy and Whatsit furrow their brows and say, "Hmm", is one that quite frankly you owe humanity.

On a completely unrelated note, does anyone know if the "http" actually stands for anything?

Ten Celebrities Who Would Clearly Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

2009-10-17T19:40:00.005+01:00

I went to see Zombieland with a friend last night, it was extremely entertaining and comes recommended for those of you who like jokes and the sight of Woody Harrelson beating up a zombie with a banjo. On the way back we started compiling a list of, you guessed it, Ten Celebrities Who Would Clearly Survive the Zombie Apocalypse. We got to about 5 and I have taken it upon myself to fill in the rest.

In no partickerlar order:

Willie Nelson
Why? Because he is a hardcore fellow of the sort you suspect would nut the Grim Reaper if they were to meet on a dark corner one night. Also Harrelson's character mentioned liking his music in the film so he was obviously looming large in our minds.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Guitar over the head.

Lemmy
Why? It is a well-documented fact that Lemmy is indestructible.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Bass guitar over the head. Jack Daniel's-composed molotov cocktail for "afters".

Keith Richards
Why? See Lemmy.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Retreat up palm tree, hurl coconuts at incoming hordes.

Iggy Pop
Why? See Lemmy and Keith Richards.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Distract ravenous undead with ill-advised car insurance adverts. Use momentary advantage to bodily hurl a skinhead Ewan McGregor at them.

Max Brooks
Why? He wrote The Zombie Survival Guide. Presumably he would lead humanity, John Connor-style.
Preferred method of zombie execution: To paraphrase the book (it's been a long time since I flicked through it and I don't have a copy to hand) - "Blades don't need reloading".

Simon Pegg
Why? When you're writing articles for the Guardian on how zombies work, you know you know your stuff. I'd guess he'd act as Brooks' loyal deputy.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Cricket bat.

Sarah Michelle Gellar
Why? Years and years and years of beating up everything that California's effects guys can throw at her. This can be applied to any female star of one of Joss Whedon's shows, really. And Milla Jovovich.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Kick their heads off.

Russell Crowe
Why? He's a hard nut, innee?
Preferred method of zombie execution: Projectile telephone. Are we not entertained, etc, etc.

Judi Dench
Why? Even a zombie wouldn't lack decorum to such an extent as to try it on with Dame Judi.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Beat them to a pulp with an Oscar.

Christian Bale
Why? He's the Goddam Batman.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Terrifying rage.

Things I Have Done In Scribblenauts In The Few Hours Since I Bought It

2009-10-09T15:01:00.003+01:00

# Tried to spawn Shakespeare, been disappointed (it seems the only famous person is if you rickroll - Einstein gives you a generic scientist, all others I've tried have yielded nothing)
# Discovered that a priest with a nunchuk can beat up Ra with surprising ease
# Found that a liger can beat a tiger
# Been absolutely delighted that manticores and chimeras can be summoned
# Been even more delighted that Behemoth and Leviathan actually give you Behemoth and Leviathan rather than generic monsters
# Tried to get Queen Elizabeth I and ended up with a female zombie, presumed it was deliberate
# Found kappas, tanuki (as in the mythological version rather than raccoon dogs), red caps and hobgoblins (although "hobgoblin" gives you the same as "orc" so I guess that doesn't really count)
# Formed a crimefighting team of me on a stegosaurus, a scientist on a camel and God on a zebra
# Found that if you type "pine marten" you get a wolverine - okay, same group of animals, but they ain't that alike... (ferret, stoat and weasel all give you a basic mustelid model)
# Ridden a narwhal
# Stuck a badger to a queen's hand with some glue
# Done some levels

Everybody's supersonic racing

2009-09-11T19:14:00.002+01:00

So, a new 2D HD Sonic game for next year? I am intriguéd. And because everyone on the Internet already has fifty-seven opinions on it, here am I to offer what I would like to see.

Really fancy sprites. Work for the HD tag. I want Vanillaware-level quality here. I was, in fact, playing Sonic Advance 2 the other day and I decided that I prefer Sonic in sprites to polygons. Apparently I am retro.
Extra characters, but keep 'em leashed. I happen to rather like the ridiculously huge supporting cast, but let's just have them popping up in little cameos most of the time. Maybe have Tails tagging along behind Sonic, Sonic 2/3-style, but have any other characters non-playable and limited. Let's see Knuckles, Amy, Cream, Big, Omega, maybe Rouge, the Chaotix and possibly Blaze and Marine for the heck of it. Oh, and revive Mighty, Fang/Nack and Bark. No brand-new characters though.
Eggman is the main villain. No "henchman suddenly takes control" again. Although from what I can gather they already did that in Unleashed, but I haven't played that.
Proper badniks. By "badniks" I mean "robots that look like animals and when you bop 'em little animals come out". None of this generic humanoid stuff, it's just not as aesthetically interesting. (Honourable exception for the steampunk robots from Rush Adventure's Machine Labyrinth.)
Zones and acts. It still feels odd not popping "Zone" on the end of a Sonic level.
Less running, more platforming. Using momentum more, like back in The Good Old Days. Spin Dash and rolling about, baby.
Music by Hideki Naganuma or Richard Jacques. Either is acceptable. Or both.
Get seven Chaos Emeralds, become Super Sonic. From what I can recall, you haven't been able to be Super Sonic in any old level since Sonic 3 & Knuckles. Tut.
Metal Sonic. Metal Sonic is cool.

Concerning women member increase

2009-09-03T20:51:00.002+01:00

So the other day I noticed that this post had suddenly got a few comments, and they were all in Japanese. "Huh," I thought. "Well, I guess it is about a giant robot suit, and them crazy Japanese folks do love their giant robot suits."

Then today I noticed it had grown to 8 comments, and investigated further.

Here's a Babelfish translation.

Yup, it's porn. Like giant robot suits? You sure will love naked Japanese ladies!

I like compewter gamez

2009-09-03T19:15:00.002+01:00

And I currently like Batman: Arkham Asylum. It's very good.

I also like that Scribblenauts is out this month. I also like that Professor Layton 2 is out this month. I also like that Brütal Legend is out next month.

But what do I like most of all?

I like that they're making a sequel to Ōkami.

!

Burning down the house

2009-08-12T19:35:00.003+01:00

Stop it, David Blaine. Byrne. Whatever. Do you think they ever get each other confused? My gut tells me that hijinks would ensue. The wackiness of said hijinks would need to be plotted on a graph, mind, and I can't be bothered with that.

Which is the least coherent way I could come up with of saying that I am going to inflict you with my opinions on the first series of Dollhouse, as I watched the finale last night on the tellemebox.

For many a moon, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was my very favouritest TV show. It's not up at such lofty heights in my mind any more (it seems oddly dated and even quaint in places these days, especially the first couple of seasons), but I still heart it. I don't really know what my very favouritest TV show is any more, but if I was pushed Firefly would be a strong contender. Basically, what I am saying is that I like Joss Whedon and I like things that Joss Whedon makes.

So thirteen weeks ago I sat down to watch, aware of Dollhouse's reputation (bit of a rubbish start, but give it a chance) and willing to overlook quite a lot. And at the other end, it's a choice I'm glad I made.

Super-quick rundown: there's a secret organisation that wipes people's personalities (volunteers...most of the time) and downloads entire new people into their heads for paying clients. The clients order anything from a hostage negotiator to a jewel thief to a bodyguard to a high-class prostitute - but since these are rich people, the so-called "actives" are usually required for sex or violence. Or violent sex. Or sexy violence. It's Joe 90 with boobs and booms, basically, and at the end of the episode the active's brain is wiped clean and they're returned to the House.

The first three or four weeks were agreeable enough - the stories weren't super-gripping but kept me entertained, and there was enough groundwork being laid for the future to help push the thing along.

However, by week 6 ("Man on the Street") I was growing tired with the person-of-the-week stories.

SPOILERS AHEAD, FELLOWS AND LADIES!

When Dollhouse-obsessed FBI agent Paul Ballard finally got it awn with his shy neighbour Mellie, I got worried. Because in Joss Whedon's universe, if you have a drawn-out romantic will-they-won't-they, the will-they is usually followed by something awful happening. And indeed, the Dollhouse sent an assassin to kill Mellie, which distressed me because I liked the couple (and fancied Mellie something rotten). "Fine, I'm not watching any more," I decided. But I forgot that a Joss Whedon show would never have a defenceless semi-naked woman abruptly killed by an evil man (who'd been revealed as a rapist earlier in the episode) and Mellie was revealed to be an active too, who promptly killed him. Hooray! Maybe I would keep watching after all.

THE SPOILERS, THEY ARE ENDED!

From there the series gradually got better and better, finishing with a top-notch episode (SPOILERS BACK!) set in the future, which has gone all post-apocalyptic on us. And featured Felicia Day and Molly off Heroes. (SPOILERS GONE!)

While it's never quite up to Whedon's previous televisual treats, it's some good stuff. The key is how it, with a mixture of good writing and good acting, gradually layers up sympathy for some pretty damn unsympathetic protagonists. Top marks to Tahmoh Penikett, who works hard to make Ballard more than a one-note Dogged Law Guy; Fran Kranz as the House's tech god Topher Brink (basically Xander from Buffy but smarter and with kind of a god complex), who you should technically hate but just can't; and Olivia Williams as House-head Adelle DeWitt. The scene in the finale (THE SPOILERS RETURN!) between Williams and Kranz as the latter has gone mad after his tech brings about the downfall of civilisation, and the former has essentially turned into his mother in trying to keep him together, was very affecting. (THE SPOILERS DEPART!)

The slightly mind-screwing (and rather scary) concept is explored well - the one that sticks out in my mind is "Haunted", the tenth episode, wherein a friend of DeWitt's utilises the House's technology to solve her own murder.

So, basically, it's good and if you choose to check it out, bear in mind that it takes a bit of time to get going. However, it rewards your perservance quite nicely. Roll on the unexpected and welcome second series!

Pleasing story of the day

2009-07-21T13:01:00.001+01:00

Shrew thought extinct found to not be extinct

I especially love the fact that the scientists' train of thought was essentially, "Everyone reckons this thing is extinct - eff that, we're gonna look for it anyway."

Despair

2009-07-10T11:43:00.002+01:00

Konami create walking-simulation video game

Is this my fault, Konami? Is it because I never bought a Metal Gear Solid? Is that why you're doing this?

At least when Nintendo did it they packaged it with a couple of pedometers and encouraged you to actually, you know, go out for a walk.

Today I Die

2009-06-21T17:22:00.000+01:00

I vaguely seem to recall hearing about Today I Die somewhere before, but I've never checked it out before. It's kind of a game that's also a poem, and it's rather wonderful. Give it a go.

OH GOD

2009-06-18T19:46:00.003+01:00

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE

HE HAS COME TO WREAK HIS VENGEANCE

IN HIS BIG-ASS ROBOT SUIT

The full horrifying story of humankind's end

Scribblenauts will be the best game ever

2009-06-08T11:16:00.003+01:00

For those not paying attention, it's the forthcoming DS game from the guys who made Drawn to Life. You solve puzzles by typing things in to an onscreen keyboard, which then spawns that thing for you to use.

You can also set up a stegosaurus vs. kraken fight, as demonstrated here.

See? Best game ever.

This was a triumph

2009-06-05T13:57:00.003+01:00

I'm making a note here
"GREAT SUCCESS"

So yeah, I completed Portal last night and now I know what the Internet was going on about a year and a half ago.

It was actually a different bit of The Orange Box that stuck in my mind, namely Half-Life 2: Episode Two. I couldn't do the big setpiece battle at the end, and was berating this fact to a friend in the pub last week, who suggested I check what difficulty setting I was playing on, maybe shift it down to "easy". So I did, and the plan worked.

My problem was that when you have a game like Half-Life with a very strong narrative, getting stuck on a hard bit is extremely annoying. If you've engaged the player and they want to know how the story progresses, forbidding them because they're not good enough isn't on. It's like reading a book and then suddenly the author puts his hand over the page and says, "No, you can't read any more, you didn't fully comprehend that metaphor. Stay on this page until you get my meaning."

Another game I completed this week was BioShock, which understood the idea. You have an arrow pointing the direction, there are hints on the pause screen to help you progress, and if you die you respawn in a "Vita-Chamber", normally a little way back through the level, with weapons and such intact. In last issue's Official Xbox Magazine there's an interview with Jordan Thomas, the creative director of the forthcoming seque l. He explains that, "We felt the Vita-Chambers were pretty important in terms of making it a shooter that was more about offering you hard choices and less about stopping you finishing."

I loved the Vita-Chambers. BioShock was incredibly narrative-heavy, and 2K knew their place in not preventing me from enjoying the narrative. Some didn't like them, so BioShock 2 will apparently have the option to turn 'em off. Everyone wins.

It's a tricky line, of course. You've got not stopping the players from finishing the game, but you've also got not taking all the challenge out. Obviously there are many gamers who enjoy pitting themselves against a game, the sort who play Ikaruga blindfold with one hand behind their back, but I've never been that sort of player. I'm of the opinion that I don't mind being challenged, but I've paid money for this and if I'm irretrivably stuck I want a hand. That's why I like the idea of this "Kind Code" that Sir Shigsy of Moto is yammering about (even if it's already been done in Alone in the Dark). The thing about the way that gaming is opening up to more people is that there are a lot of new gamers who've never even heard of Mega Man, and keeping everyone happy is only going to get trickier. It'll be interesting to see what ideas come up.

LIVING IN THE FUTURE

2009-06-02T15:23:00.003+01:00

I'm guessing most people have at least briefly encountered Microsoft's Natal by now. It makes me excited. Obviously it'll take a few years to kick off proper, but once it does, imagine shooting lightning in Bioshock 4 just by making a clawy hand. It'll be like being Ian McKellen in X-Men!

Although I must admit the bit I like most is the woman scrolling through a menu by gesturing.

IT'S JUST LIKE MINORITY REPORT

LIVING IN THE FUTURE

hoverboards next plzkthx

Eee, technology

2009-05-08T15:19:00.001+01:00

Formula 3 car made out of vegetables

I am of the opinion they missed a trick by not designing it to resemble a Wacky Races car.

Buh?

2009-04-28T19:35:00.002+01:00

Guess who got The Orange Box today?

(the answer is me, I did)

Guess who was confused by the fact that the box included the Finnish instruction manual rather than the English one for no obvious reason?

(again, it was me)

L'amusent

2009-04-26T16:43:00.003+01:00

I have no idea if that's real French or not. But it should be.

Anyway, you know how skips have those little signs on the sides - "LEVEL LOAD ONLY" and "NO FIRES"? I saw one today where an enterprising builder had altered them to read "EVIL TOADS ONLY" and "NO FRILS".

Well, it made me chuckle.

On aesthetics

2009-04-13T20:02:00.002+01:00

I have long maintained that for a video game to achieve true beauty, it should avoid attempting photo-realistic graphics and instead devise its own particular stylised look (see: Ōkami, The Wind Waker etcetera).

Tomb Raider Underworld may be forcing me to rethink this view. I keep getting distracted on the Thailand level and going, "ooooh, lookit the pretty undergrowth."

So, in conclusion: curse you, Lara Croft.

(On a side note, I'm rather impressed with the new graphical touch wherein Lara gets grimier as you scramble about the place but going for a dip cleans her off, but there's no way to mention it without sounding like a massive pervert.)

THE ONE-TWO PUNCH!!

2009-04-07T16:50:00.005+01:00

I picked up BioShock today.

So far I have:

stared blankly at the screen because the graphics were so good I thought I was still watching the intro movie and didn't realise I'd actually started playing the game
examined some wet bricks closely because the graphics are that good
been given goosebumps by the voyage into Rapture
been startled by a whale
sworn out loud several times as things blew up
sworn out loud several times as unpleasant things attacked me
been really, really, really creeped out in general
decided that the hype was accurate and this is a strong contender for Best Game Ever

And I've only played it for twenty minutes. Blimey.

Money will be spent

2009-04-05T18:59:00.004+01:00

I am currently concocting a plan to purchase an Xbox 360 this week (most likely tomorrow). My parents are away in Prague and I always find it easier to spend large amounts of money when I have no one to justify it to for a day or two. My eventual justifications this time will involve my personal attempts to kick-start the world economy, I should think. At any rate, do not be surprised if I never update my blog again because I am too busy throwing cars about or stuffing ketchup bottles into zombies' mouths.

I am also planning a novel, because the creative side of my brain (which I thought was killed off altogether by the efforts of the creative writing course at Aberystwyth) has roused itself from its death-like stupor and been demanding exercise recently. It is proving quite hard to martial my thoughts into some sort of coherent planning form, but at present it looks like the resultant work will be 60% exploration of Celtic myth and 40% footling around. Its one talking point thus far is that the love interest only has one hand. Don't ask me why, but when I was thunking up characters a pretty redhead with no left hand named Sarah strolled into my frontal lobes more or less fully-formed.

(It should be noted at this point that by "novel" I mean "lengthy piece of prose that will never leave the boundaries of my computer screen and probably be read by a maximum of two people, one of whom will just be feigning interest".)

Comixxxxxxx

2009-03-29T15:36:00.002+01:00

So the Webcomic Thing was top fun for young and old. Personal highlight: meeting John Allison, who seemed far too young for a man who has been doing webcomics for ten years, and buying two books off him which he promptly signed with a little doodle in each (Shelley in one, Des in the other). And he then let me have a badge for free because I didn't have 50p in change. What a nice man.

Also Smithy gave me a jelly baby.

I would, however, like to question the wisdom of placing Sir John A. and Kate Beaton right near each other which resulted in considerable gridlock pretty much all day and prevented me from buying her book (I used the "I'll go later when there's less of a queue" reasoning then discovered she'd sold out).

Ah well. A very fine day anyway. Might have to go next year, hmm, yes, hmm.

Today has been an excellent day

2009-03-27T16:27:00.003Z

We finally got round to getting a new CD drive for the family PC (the last one went crazy about a month ago). The new one is powerful enough for me to surf the Interwubs and burn a CD to iTunes at the same time (our computer is very old, such a thing was previously beyond it without it running about five times slower).
I picked up Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks second-hand for PS2. It cost me four squids because I traded in God of War. MK:SM has proved to be the game that I wanted GoW to be - over-the-top, stupid and very, very fun.
2-disc version of The Dark Knight for £6.99 from Sainsbury's. "I'm 'avin' some of that," I said. And I did!
Passing by MSN, I saw the headline "Jeremy Clarkson locked in loo". Leave him there! Go on.

So yes, an excellent day. And tomorrow I meet Smithy face-to-face and proclaim my love to him. By which I mean have an upstanding and entirely heterosexual pleasant chat. Yes.

Why you should go to the UK Web & Mini Comix Thing 2009

2009-03-21T18:43:00.002Z

That's right, the UK Web & Mini Comix Thing 2009. The reasons you should go are many!

Reason #1: it's good, probably. I dunno, I haven't been before.
Reason #2: John Allison will be there. So will many other excellent people, admittedly, but John Allison.
Reason #3, a.k.a. The Main Reason: I have combined powers with the much-more-talented-than-me Matthew Smith to unleash The Royal Society for the Preservation of Sub-Literature Presents: A Series of Fragments from Lost Novels upon an unsuspecting planet, and copies of same will be available for your perusal at table 27.

To quote the peerless wisdom of Sanjay Nahasapeemapetilon, "You will be there or kindly be square."

Oh, Capcom

2009-03-12T18:39:00.001Z

This is now old news because it took place this morning but some crossed wires at Absolute Gadget prevented it being uploaded 'til now.

Hilariously ill-advised body parts scavenger hunt

Bless you, Capcom, you wacky funsters.

Music, maestro

2009-03-08T21:45:00.003Z

As you may have noticed, I like video games. By extension, one of the things I like about video games is the music contained within. By extension, one of the things I like about the music contained within is both the increasing complexity of the music, now often supplied by full orchestras, and the fact that the early tunes made a virtue of the simplistic technology they could utilise, and thus sound really good when done with proper instruments and that. By extension, I enjoy finding stuff related to videogame music on YouTube. By extension, here are some of my favourites.

(Please ignore the fact that the videos are both linked and embedded. Blogger is leading me a merry dance tonight, I dunno what the heck's going on.)

"Godot - The Dark Fragrance of Coffee" performed by Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra

Probably the best tune from a series with no end of good tunes, done all classy like. You don't get more smooth.

OutRun medley performed by Richard Jacques and an orchestra

Not the best quality video, but we will forgive it on the grounds that Richard Jacques is awesome and OutRun music is awesome, so Richard Jacques performing some OutRun music is super-awesome. Darn but I must get to Video Games Live this year.

The Legend of Zelda theme performed on theremin by ooo6

Theremin. Theremin. There, min. The remin. Mmm.

Nintendo medley performed by an a cappella choir

Bonus points for acting.

And finally, my favourite, good enough for me to have a copy on my iPod:

"Wind Waker Unplugged", by FreddeGredde

Possibly, dare I say it, better than the original game's music. And damn if I don't love The Wind Waker's music.

Avon will eat itself

2009-03-08T14:31:00.003Z

...and presumably all of us too

Did they seriously not notice this? Is it an elaborate post-modern prank? Are they actually planning to turn us all into zombies?

More news as we get iOH GOD NOT MY BRAIN I NEED THAT TO LIVE

Who watched the Watchmen?

2009-03-07T19:33:00.004Z

I did, and now I have a slight headache and "The Times They Are A-Changin'" going round and round in my brain.

So did I enjoy Yakkety Zack's filmeriffic version of that book by Dave Gibbons and [name removed at request of lawyers]? Yes, yes I did.

I felt it was a little over-faithful to the book, which was understandable, but still you kind of wished for it to stretch its wings a bit more. The credit sequence (40 or so years of backstory crammed together to the tune of the aforementioned Dylan song) was actually my favourite part of the movie. The David Bowie and Andy Warhol cameos were inspired.

It looked astonishing. The slow-mo in the fights was largely unecessary, but other than that the cinematography was sumptuous. Interesting to note that Gibbons actually comes across better from the enterprise than Moore - any attempts to mirror Gibbons' tracking shots or camera angles, as it were, always looked great, whereas some of Moore's directly transposed dialogue came across as a little portentous. Anyway, full marks to the costume and set design people. Although I can't decide if the ridiculous Richard Nixon makeup was a deliberate caricature or some makeup person getting over-enthusiastic.

Acting was good, going for little-known cast members (as well as quite startling lookalikes, I was surprised how closely nearly everyone matched their drawn versions) paid off in terms of immersion without going, "Ooh, it's George Clooney!" Top marks for Billy Crudup, who made excellent results of possibly one of the hardest-to-portray characters ever written. "Right, Billy, your motivation is that you percieve time in a non-linear fashion. Action!"

Other points: great soundtrack, Malin Akerman is so beautiful it's seriously not even funny, blimey it was violent.

Overall, enjoyable but not great. It reminded me slightly of how you watch a Harry Potter film and think that it's not bad in pouring a book straight on to screen, but you want it to stand as a movie in its own right and it never quite manages it.

The world just got a little bit more awesome

2009-03-03T14:47:00.002Z

Man makes working replica of the glider from Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind

"People always ask me if I'm an inventor, but I'm not. Inventions have a practical component to them; none of my pieces have that."

I love you, crazy Japanese man.

(Thanks to Smithy for the heads-up.)

Think thou on this

2009-03-03T12:01:00.001Z

If you subscribe to the infinite worlds theory (i.e. if the universe is essentially infinite, that means there are worlds out there almost identical to our own with slight changes) then somewhere there is a planet where 50 Cent hails from Yorkshire.

2009-02-24T18:32:00.003Z

The night was cold, and dark. And cold. And dark. And cold, and dark, and cold. Also it was raining.

The faint glow of the streetlight picked out a shadowy figure skulking through the inky blackness. The barest ember of a lit cigarette illuminated the careworn creases of his face and the scar across his left cheek. His stocky, imposing figure was briefly racked by violent coughing, because smoking totally gives you lung cancer. He stalked the sidewalks with his head down and his collar up. He was heading to a seedy building that looked almost ready to fall down, and had no sign of life except the single lit window on the second floor. And the cat that was nibbling a dead junkie's fingers.

That cat's gonna get a crack habit now, thought the man. That's how it works, right? Or is that HIV? He thought about shooting the cat to save it from its future misery, but he didn't want the local lowlifes to be attracted to the gunshot. He'd lost his pistol's silencer after the incident on the docks, and he wasn't quite confident enough of his makeshift replacement, a toilet roll tube with some Sellotape around it, to try it out yet.

Instead, he eased open the building's front door and ascended the stained staircase to the second floor. He dropped the cigarette butt in a plant pot that held a dead plant and several hundred cigarette butts, and approached the door.

The door read, Jackson Trythson: Private Detective over an image of a staring eye. Some wiseass kids had added "Trythson is super rubbish" underneath. The man didn't know whether they were uninventive in their insults or just kind of polite. Maybe both.

The man took a calming breath, then knocked on the door and opened it without waiting for a reply.

The detective's office was shabby, with nearly every surface covered in sheets of paper. A three-quarters-empty whisky bottle stood on the desk (except this was American whiskey, so you spell it with an "e", like that). Behind the desk was a chair, and in the chair was a man. In the man's hand was a glass tumbler. In the tumbler used to be some whiskey, but the man had drunk it. The man was asleep, and going "zzzz". The man (the other one, the one that had just come in the room and wasn't asleep) shut the door, which made the man in the chair wake up.

"...burlap sack! Huh? What? White! What're you doin' here?" said the man in the chair.
"I need your help," said White, who was the man that had just come into the office and shut the door and that. "All sorts of bad stuffs are up in my grill, man. Please, Jackson. Forget the business with the pipecleaners and help your old friend."
"You were never my friend," said Jackson Trythson, Private Dectective, who was the guy who'd just woken up. "I just kept you around for the spare organs."
White grinned. "Just the same, you old joker."
Jackson grinned back. "Good to see you."

Then they had passionate sweaty mansex. It was totally hot.

In which my fragile mind finally snaps

2009-02-22T19:27:00.002Z

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS THERE IS A SECRET BIT IN LEGO BATMAN WHERE YOU BUILD A LEGO K-9

THEN YOU RIDE HIM AROUND

AAAAAAAAAH

HELLO INTERNET

2009-02-20T18:57:00.005Z

I was going to write about that ridiculous Pepsi logo document thing, but it has been pointed out to me that extra advertising is probably just what they want. So I won't. Not even a link.

How you like me now, giant corporation.

(I'm still half-convinced they're taking the mick with the whole thing.)

Instead, here's a picture I was going to pop behind this blog's title, but I couldn't get it how I liked it so I gave up. But I bothered to scan the photo in, so I am determined my efforts will not be in vain.

Ahh, innit pretty and that.

Incidentally, well done to LittleBigPlanet for clearing up so thoroughly at the Interactive Achievement Awards last night. I'd never heard of these awards before, but judging from the LBP-love they know what they're on about.

So yeah, I don't really have anything worthwhile to add to Teh Blogosphere tonight. I totally thought of something worth writing on earlier, but that was at like 8am and I've forgotten it now. Bah.

Ah, the flesh of humans

2009-02-17T19:29:00.005Z

I have recently discovered that an excellent way to banish a sense of vague dissatisfaction with your life is to watch some sort of zombie-based entertainment (in this case the last two episodes of Dead Set, which overall was very good if crushingly unsubtle when it came to the satirical comments) and think, "Hey, at least my intestines aren't being forcibly ripped from my still-living flesh by my undead friends and co-workers."

Also, I would like to take a moment to address Traveller's Tales.

Dear Traveller's Tales,

I am enjoying your latest product, the videogamey entity known to humans as Lego Batman. However, if you choose to create any further Lego games in the future, I will ask you to stop putting vehicle-based levels in them as they are invariably bloody awful.

Lots of love,
Me

A List Of Tiresome Opinions

2009-01-27T19:48:00.007Z

...Thinking about it, I could probably retitle this blog to that.

I formally present an arbitrary collection of things I have seen/read/played/heard in the last two weeks or so, for no other reason than I can.

Films

28 Weeks Later
Viewing enabled by: DVD rented from Lovefilm.com (which is my new favourite thing, incidentally)

I really enjoyed 28 Days Later, and wanted to catch this in the cinema but it never quite happened. Still, I've seen it now. And, indeed, enjoyed it. It's not quite up to its prequel, mainly due to less focus on characterisation, but as a more straightforward hit of action it satisfied. Special mentions must go to the extended death scene in the laboratory (vagaries employed to prevent spoilerfication), which was memorable both for the viciousness of it and the tragic overtones (it brought Oedipus to my mind, whether deliberately or not); and also the bit where Harold "I Have Been In Every Third Film/TV Show You Have Seen" Perrineau turns his helicopter into an impromptu zombie death machine, purely for being ridiculous and cool. Also, maybe I'm odd but I find it satisfying to see British landmarks get all kinds of messed up every once in a while instead of American ones - there was something faintly cathartic about Regent's Park tube station going kaboom in spectacular manner. (I have a certain fondness for Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer purely for the bit where the Thames gets drained and the London Eye nearly falls over.) And just before we go, I'd like to nod my head towards its two young stars, the wonderfully named Imogen Poots and Mackintosh Muggleton. Carrying a film on young shoulders is risky. Carrying a film that's not aimed at family viewing on young shoulders is super-risky. Carrying an action film on young shoulders is super-duper-risky. Carrying an action-horror film on young shoulders is downright silly. But the pair pull it off, and do it well.
Ice-cream rating: better than Carte D'or Chocolate Inspiration, worse than Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie

Tales from Earthsea
Viewing enabled by: Lovefilm rental again

I found it quite hard to watch this without being mindful of the brouhaha that accompanied its making. Especially since a lot of it centred around an argument between a father and a son (the latter of whom had never before directed a film but ended up in charge) and then the first five minutes of the film features a man fatally stabbing his father for no apparent reason. And to be honest, the backstage shenanigans are more interesting than large portions of the plot. I've never read any of the Earthsea books, but the acceptable-but-hopelessly-generic fantasy storytelling shown here doesn't encourage me to. It's not bad, but it's not very inventive. Luckily, this is a Studio Ghibli film, so you can sit back and bathe your eyes in the glorious beauty of the whole enterprise. This film has arguably the prettiest sunsets I've ever seen (and I'm including real life here) and I could basically just watch some sort of sunset-montage edited out of this for two hours and be happy.
Month rating: better than January, worse than April

The Spiderwick Chronicles
Viewing enabled by: my mum has it on DVD and I watched it

And hey, another film adaptation of a series of fantasy books. This one is also a real looker, although that's about as much as it has in common with Earthsea. It's fairly squarely aimed at the younger end of the market, although surprisingly it focuses much more on character than I was expecting, and indeed more than these sort of films do. It's all about a family coping with divorce, really. Well, okay, it's really about a scientist compiling a field guide to fairies and an ogre trying to get hold of it and people getting spat in the face by a computer-generated Seth Rogen, but it's still about a family coping with divorce as well. The whole cast is excellent, but top marks go to Freddie "Charlie out of the Chocolate Factory" Highmore, who is called upon to play a pair of identical twins that are complete opposites, be in nearly every scene either once or twice as a result, and still manage to make both characters fully-rounded and believable. And he does it really well, despite only being about six months old. There's an Oscar or two in that lad's future, you mark my words. And on a completely unrelated note, this appealed to my geeky world-myth-loving side by concentrating on the sort of creatures that don't often get a showing in films (hobgoblins, brownies, sylphs, red caps, griffins etc.). So that's cool.
Cereal rating: better than Weetabix, worse than Special K

Treasure Planet
Viewing enabled by: my brother's TV

This one only half-counts because I only saw the second half, and the sound was quite low and my niece and nephew were running round going "Aaaah", so I couldn't fully concentrate. But I followed about 70% of the dialogue, and I saw the first half a few months ago so I have technically seen the whole film. Anyway. Maybe it's that everyone knows Treasure Island upside-down and back-to-front, but the storytelling was a little ho-hum. A bit you know what sort of thing is going to happen even if you don't know the story. A bit whateverrrrrrrr. But! This deserves a slap on the back purely on a design front. It's so pretty and hugely inventive. Great character design (I loved the pirate that was a head on a pair of arm/legs), great world design, great design. The hand-drawn and CG mix well, and it's basically highly enjoyable even with the sound off. One bum note is the writing of Ben Gunn as B.E.N., malfunctioning robot. From a story perspective it worked quite well, but it was a real case of "Oh look! Here's the comedy sidekick! Everybody laugh at the comedy sidekick and his hilarious antics!" Tiresome on its own, but when you've already got David Hyde Pierce on board, you've got sublime comic relief sorted quite adequately. B.E.N. just smacked of "We need this film's Genie plzkthx".
X-Men rating: better than Forge, worse than Vivisector

Books (or just book)

The Night Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko
Reading enabled by: my mum bought it for me in order to take advantage of a 3 for 2 deal at Waterstone's

I'm only halfway through this, but it's ace. It's got vampires and witches who turn into tigers and satire on bureaucracy and sarkiness and references to Hexen. And it's only the first of a trilogy so there's that great feeling when you're reading a book you're really enjoying and are happy in the knowledge that it won't be over when you finish it, there's more to come.
Doctor Who rating: better than the Sontarans, worse than the Daleks

Computer games

Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon on DS
Playing enabled by: I bought it on Friday

I've only got a little way in, but I like this. It's Fire Emblem, so I was destined to like it, but it's good to know. Being able to change unit classes is pleasingly odd, stylus control is largely satisfying with a back-up of D-pad and buttons if I want 'em, and there are a wealth of little touches that improve the general play no end (an important point for a series that fundamentally doesn't change much).
Blur rating: better than "She's So High", worse than "Charmless Man"

LittleBigPlanet on PS3
Playing enabled by: my brother's PS3, and me I guess since I bought it for him for Christmas

Brilliant. Love it. Gorgeous to gaze upon, delightful to play, you can stick stickers of Henry VIII's head all over the place, and you get a jetpack right near the beginning. And you can dress up like a Shakespearean character. Or a lion. Or a Shakespearean lion. And this is just from playing the tutorial levels on my own...
Robot rating: better than Ultra Magnus, equal to K9

CDs (or just CD)

Heart by Stars
Listening enabled by: I bought it on Thursday

Um, only listened to this all the way through once, and the first few songs a couple of times over that. Can't really remember much...I think it's fairly '80s, and probably the weakest of the three Stars albums I have, but still enjoyable. I really like the way it starts with each band member saying, "I am [insert name], and this is my heart."
Stephen King rating: better than Wizard and Glass, worse than Pet Sematary

Are games art?

2009-01-16T14:45:00.003Z

A few months ago, I applied for a job for computerandvideogames.com, which I didn't get. Obviously. Part of the application was to write a blog article on something game-related, and I just found my effort lying around on the hard drive. I was quite pleased with it then and reckon it still reads quite nicely now, so I thought I'd do a dash of rewriting and slap it up. Take it away, August 2008-me:

Monet. Mozart. Miyazaki. Mario? Is it time for computer games to rise tall and proclaim, “We are an art form”?

Gaming is looked down on by pretty much everyone. While all other forms of media, from painting through to movies, can rest snugly in their classification of art – deep, meaningful works portraying great ideas – games are still the idiot children, enjoyed by the idiot children. Lines and blobs beeping their way across TV screens, providing basic stimulation for those of short attention span. Of course, it’s rubbish. I know it, you know it, so why doesn’t anyone else?

Well, first off, games are astonishingly young. Barely 30 years old – by comparison, thirty years into cinema’s lifespan the concept of sound was just being addressed. Paintings were barely into the “stick man on cave walls” era (unless the aliens took all the fancy stuff with them after buggering off and leaving a couple of crystal skulls behind). The leaps in basic technology and general sophistication games have made from Pong through to GTAIV are bordering on the ridiculous, and it’s not surprising that the general perception of them hasn’t caught up yet.

So, is that it? The simple fact that dedicated gamers need to wait a generation or so before their pastime will be vindicated once and for all? Er, well, no. Games actually haven’t made a rosy perception of themselves easy to come by.

Frankly, they’ve given themselves an uphill struggle. The extremely basic capabilities of the first games machines meant that Space Invaders or Robotron or Oh No Those Pesky Aliens Are At It Again 7 were pretty much all they could handle, and this image got burned into the public’s mind and hasn’t scrubbed off yet. (Admittedly such scenarios are still a favourite haunt of games, but at least nowadays they have the narrative clout, invention and scope of Mass Effect or Dead Space to justify themselves. I'll stick my fingers in my ears and yell "LA LA LA" if you mention Gears of War.)

Which comes to the main point – the majority of games aren’t art. Neither are the majority of films. No-one in their right mind would state that Steven Seagal’s Pistol Whipped is comparable to Citizen Kane, just like you can’t hold up Big Beach Sports next to Super Mario Galaxy. But that pesky fellow John Public doesn’t realise that, so he holds up like his misinformed life depends on it. Look at the charts, after all – Ōkami’s nowhere to be seen on Wii because everyone’s buying Carnival: Funfair Games or the latest half-arsed Pixar tie-in instead. (I’ll leave the irony that Pixar regularly create some of cinema’s finest moments but no-one can be bothered to get a decent development team in to honour their films for another time.) And at Christmas it’s the same thing every year: two certain footie titles and a certain racing series fighting it out for number one (will the reader kindly ignore the generally excellent quality of FIFA and Pro Evo as it will cause the writer’s argument to collapse like the proverbial house of cards).

So there we are – games can be art, but most of the time they don’t deserve the title. They will, in time, like the way that comics were finally deemed worthy of dull, earnest essays like this one in the Eighties with the advent of Watchmen, The Dark Knight Returns and their ilk. For now, gamers will have to wait before the art we play becomes justly acknowledged. That’s several years to prepare for a good “I told you so,” and a hearty mocking laugh. Get to it.

KITTEH

2009-01-11T21:00:00.002Z

This German weatherman is my new favourite human. Consummate professionalism. Doesn't even object to the cat licking his chin. Good work sir.

EDIT: To continue the "excellent people" theme, here's Neil Gaiman in snowshoes.

Thor, the Norse God of Thunder

2009-01-07T16:35:00.003Z

I have discovered that the perfect answer to any question is "Thor, the Norse God of Thunder".

"Who ruled England from 1066 to 1087?"
"Thor, the Norse God of Thunder."

"What d'you fancy for dinner?"
"Thor, the Norse God of Thunder."

"Who likes short shorts?"
"Thor, the Norse God of Thunder."

"How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?"
"Thor, the Norse God of Thunder."

Okay, maybe not that last one.

Oops...

2009-01-03T18:43:00.002Z

...kind of forgot one from my list of movies what I saw in t'cinema.

Persepolis

Not up to the level of the comic, but I wasn't really expecting it to be. Still great, the animation style was perfectly judged and it got the comic's abrupt changes of pace down nicely. Also, "Eye of the Tiger". Oh yes.

In sort-of-related news, I got Wall·E on DVD for Christmas and watched it this afternoon. I think it may just have clinched my Film of 2008 title, as well as Bestest Pixar Movie Evar, which is a high accolade indeed. Also, the extra short, Burn·E, is fabulous.

The year in moviethings

2008-12-31T18:51:00.002Z

Inspired by/cheerfully ripping off an idea from Mr. Smith, who's done the same thing on the STCO forums, I hereby present my opinions on the moving pictures what I saw at the cinema complex this year of our lord 2008. I'll keep 'em short because I've already mentioned some of them on here, and there's quite a few besides.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

I enjoyed this more than I thought I would, mainly because I'm fairly squeamish and was fully expecting to spend half the movie peering out between my fingers. The shamelessly over-the-top design pleased me, I spent the next three weeks humming "A Little Priest" at inappropriate times, and the cast were excellent, even the ones who had rubbish parts to play (i.e. Anthony and Johanna). Helena Bonham Carter completely owned the movie as I far as I'm concerned. Needed more Anthony Head, though, but then everything needs more Anthony Head. Everything.

Juno

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Brilliant script, brilliant acting, brilliant direction, brilliant soundtrack (I bought the CD on the way home from the cinema, which I think is the only time I've ever done that). Nary a bum note to be had.

The Other Boleyn Girl

I can't remember much of this, to be honest (saw it in March), which probably isn't a good sign. From what I can remember, Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johannson were good as the Boleyns, but Eric Bana was a bit of a damp squib as Henry VIII, largely down to not having anything to work with. Mind, put Portman and Johannson in bosomy Tudor corsets and hint at much taking off of said bosomy corsets and I'm pretty much satisfied.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

When you're giggling out loud as you remember a movie's plot, you're probably on to a winner. All the tiresome naysayers have apparently forgotten how deeply silly the first three movies were, and Skull can hold its head up high as being even sillier. ARMY OF MONKEYS

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

I've read the Narnia books several times, and I can never remember Caspian's plot. Upon viewing the movie, the reason for this became clear: the plot's rubbish. The film isn't rubbish, but it is the very definition of meh. Hopelessly average. Only Eddie Izzard as Reepicheep (and the bit where he stabs a guy in the eye very nearly being shown onscreen and making the whole cinema wince audibly) is worth noting.

Wall·E

Just glorious. I've covered this already, so I'll just praise the astonishing character animation, and the pleasing fact that it apes Firefly/Serenity in places (i.e. some of the action sequences being shot as if "real", with the camera panning around to find Wall·E before zooming in on him).

The Dark Knight

Again, covered this. I remember my body hurting at the end of the film, as my muscles had been tensed for so long. Gripping.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

A little disappointing, mainly due to the pre-release hype and early reviews. It felt like a character piece with the action sequences bolted on out of obligation, but it was fun and well-acted. Nice use of Travis's "All I Want to Do is Rock", too.

Changeling

Excellent. Top performance from Angelina Jolie, suitably restrained direction from Clint Eastwood, and possibly the only time I've seen John Malkovich act in a movie and not be a dreadful ham.

Overall, it's a toss-up between Wall·E and The Dark Knight for bestest film of the year.

Special bonus feature!
Stuff what came out this year but I saw on DVD/airline seatback telly rather than in the cinema reviewed dead fast

Cloverfield: miles better than I was expecting. Developed instant crush on the girl that Hud fancies.
The Forbidden Kingdom: highly entertaining and very late-80s-family-fantasy (this is a good thing). You can't argue with a film that casts Jet Li as the Monkey King.
Kung Fu Panda: unexpectedly brilliant and made me laugh out loud within the first two minutes. Looked good enough to lick.
The Incredible Hulk: okay, but ran out of steam about forty minutes from the end. Nice sly vein of humour.
I also saw the last fifty minutes or so of Iron Man, which seemed fairly good.

THE END, NOW GO HOME

An insight into the intriguing life of Samuel Bridgett

2008-12-13T19:31:00.003Z

I intended to write a list of five really weird things I saw in Sainsbury's today, but I forgot all but number 1.

What was number 1, you ask?

Vibrating condoms.

Condoms that vibrate.

They had a little battery pack on the ring or lip or whatever you call it.

what

Also, I had one of the best dreams I ever had last night. Basically it started out as a fairly accurate version of Resident Evil: Extinction, with me as Milla Jovovich. Then I woke up and went to sleep again, and it sort of restarted, but I was me instead, in England. One of the movie's plot points is that the zombie virus has also killed off plantlife, turning the world into one big desert, but in my dream England was sort of half-hanging on to its green and pleasant self, and some resemblance of normality. I went to a Toys R Us at one point, and about half the customers were queuing up to pay for their stuff, because they wanted life to carry on as normal; and the other half were just shoplifting, because, hey, zombie apocalypse. Then it turned out that Australia was untouched, so I flew there with Milla and some friends, although when we got there the scenery was more like a cross between England and Canada. There were also a couple of pretty girls that I suspected of having a crush on me, one of which I think my subconscious based off this girl I met once in college, thought, "Wow, you're beautiful," then never saw again and have not thought about for a good four years. Then I can't remember what happened.
So, yeah. Doesn't sound that great when you write it down but it was immensely satisfying for some reason.

You read it...you can't un-read it!

Oh lordy

2008-12-08T18:51:00.002Z

Oh lordy lordy loo

It had to happen some time, I guess.

Behold...

2008-12-01T15:54:00.000Z

..the ULTIMATE BEANBAG!

PA in the hizouse

2008-12-01T14:33:00.005Z

A couple of weeks ago, Penny Arcade celebrated its tenth birthday. I meant to mark the occasion, and forgot. So may I present (through links, as it's a heck of a lot easier), one strip for each year. Not necessarily the best, but good enough for readin'.

1998
1999
2000
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008

The future is now

2008-11-26T14:09:00.000Z

Acting robots! Robot actors! Actobots! Ractors!

Reasons to be cheerful

2008-11-19T18:39:00.005Z

1. New Wallace and Gromit for Christmas Day
2. Coraline (try "buttoneyes" and "stopmotion" as key words)
3. New series of Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe
4. Ten years of Penny Arcade. Ten years!

I twit, to who?

2008-11-19T14:37:00.002Z

Cast your eyes right and down a bit, and worship at my Twitter feed. I am living in the future.

EDIT: Just spent an increasingly surreal ten minutes trying to stop the feed having two titles. It now has two "follow me on Twitter"s instead. I think this compromise will have to do.

Nice guys finish first

2008-11-18T21:54:00.003Z

When I head off to foreign climes, I like to pick up at least one magazine or newspaper to see how they do such things in that part of the world. (This largely only applies to countries where English is prevalent, as the only other language I'm remotely adept in is French, and my French ain't great.) So when I was in Canada, I picked up a copy of a periodical that knows itself as GameInformer. Contained within its shiny shiny pages -

(I should break here to say I don't have any idea why I'm being so incredibly verbose and roundabout. It's that time of the month or something.)

- anyway, contained within its shiny shiny pages was a look round the offices of Valve. Valve are weird. Everything they make sells about one billion per second, and they dedicate themselves largely to a single genre. Surely they should be moneygrubbing, dribbling corporate clones? No, they seem like nice guys. They have fun. They made a "shipping machine" for The Orange Box - they decided just clicking a mouse wasn't grand enough to load the game onto Steam, so they built a giant mad scientist machine with flashing lights and a klaxon and levers to pull and a Big Red Button to hit in order to ship the game. Just for the heck of it.

And now they're offering their whole back catalogue for 70 quid, just to celebrate their new game. Nutters. They shouldn't work, and yet they do. And the gaming world is better for it.

More Coraline

2008-11-16T20:30:00.004Z

There's a nifty little behind-the-scenes-and-interview-with-Neil-Gaiman video about Coraline up on his website. I was trying to embed the vid, but Blogger has apparently decided that allowing me to embed stuff is just, like so last month (I spent half an hour yesterday trying to coax YouTube vids on here and very nearly punched the screen in in frustration) so I'll just provide a link. Bah. Bah I say!

http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2008/11/mister-fuchs-and-his-flower.html

(It's right at the bottom)

Anyway, this has already become my most-wanted movie for 2009. Look at the fluidity of the characters' movements! Gorgeous.

(Also, is it just me or does Gaiman look a bit like David Thewlis?)

Woo

2008-11-05T18:54:00.002Z

I'm in a good mood today.

We could be heroes

2008-10-30T18:46:00.003Z

Watching Heroes at the moment is some of the most demented fun I've ever had sitting in front of the TV.

I loved the first series; the way it threw a whole bunch of disparate characters at you and gradually knitted them together, and the sense that they were ordinary people dealing with extraordinary circumstances was very well done.

The second series wasn't as bad as everyone made out, but it was kind of aimless. A sort of "we're doing this 'cos we have to" thing. Thankfully, the writers' strike causing them to have to jam about ten episodes' worth of plot into three episodes caused it to perk up at the end.

Now with series 3, the writers have gone mad with power. It's the only explanation. I can visualise them sitting round a table, pitching the most ridiculous, shamelessly over-the-top ideas they can think of, then throwing them all in at once.

It's brilliant.

They just showed episode 5 (of 22, I presume) last night on BBC 2. So far we've had the end of the world, a nuclear explosion taking out Costa Verde, secret brothers, secret triplets, one of the lead guys turning into Evil Spider-Man, characters hallucinating Malcolm McDowell, good guys turning bad, bad guys turning good, good guys turning bad then good then bad then good again, a bar brawl, several people getting killed very horribly, lingering close-ups of Hayden Panettiere's exposed brain in a scene that I chose to believe was paying deliberate homage to the second-series finale of the superb Farscape, a joke with a tortoise cheerfully ripping off The Simpsons, blatant misuse of time-travel causing several main characters to be killed multiple times, and a Buster Keaton film. And absolutely no sign of Peter's annoying girlfriend with the atrocious Irish accent.

Heroes was a better show overall back in series 1, but it's a heck of a lot more fun these days.

Little Dorrit

2008-10-27T18:33:00.001Z

There's this great skit on one of Eddie Izzard's older DVDs where he imagines the meeting that led to young singer Arnold Dorsey being persuaded to take on a pseudonym by his manager.

"Cuthelbert Bushtywank, Fringleson Hoopdeflip, Engelbert Humperdinck, Slipteburt Scrotedewhip - "
"Hang on, hang on, go back one!"

I like to think that Charles Dickens had bits of paper with long lines of ridiculous-yet-brilliant names scratched out and one circled enthusiastically. There's always one in his books, and they're almost always evil. In Little Dorrit, it's Jeremiah Flintwinch, and oooh, he's evil.
The problem with Dickens adaptations is that it always takes forever to introduce everyone, and it's always a game of Spot The Face for two or three episodes before things calm down. Alun Armstrong, Ron Cook, Mark Williams and Tom Courtenay are all in this one, but they don't count because they're in everything. Armstrong is in everything so much, that he's actually in this twice - he's playing Jeremiah, and as it turns out he's got a twin named Ephraim (which is almost as good a name). Then we've got Sue Johnston, Matthew Macfayden, Maxine Peake, Freema "'ere it's Martha out of Doctor Who" Agyeman, James Fleet, and loads more to come yet if Wikipedia's cast list is telling truths. And Andy Serkis, who should be in everything.

One of the great things about Dickens is everyone is either a) a fairly well-sketched character, which allows some proper costume drama stiff-upper-lip acting or b) a bonkers caricature, which allows some validated scenery-chewing. The former so far appears to consist pretty much only of Macfayden and the excellent Claire Foy as the titular Amy, but they both acquit themselves well. Of the gleeful hamminess of everyone else, special mentions must go to Armstrong, who punctuates every third step with a vicious growl; Johnston, who summons her inner dormouse as Armstrong's wife; and Serkis, who plays a flamboyant, psychotic French murderer with a big fake nose and beard and flappy cape and does it the only way that is right and proper - with lots of exaggerated gestures and a glorious overdone accent.

Proper British telly, done the proper British way. Almost makes you want to put up with TV Licensing. (But not quite.)

They're not even a real country anyway

2008-10-23T02:32:00.003+01:00

So, I am writing this post in Canada, being towards the end of an eleven-day holiday in Toronto.

I have learned the following things about Canada:

* They share the U.S.'s inexplicable love of not putting the cost of taxes on stuff until you take it up to the till, with the result that you're never sure how much something is going to be until you actually go to pay for it

* They have an odd definition of "ale" (most of them appear to be lagers)

* They love to recycle

* They enjoy slipping you U.S. 1 cent coins on the sly instead of Canadian 1 cent coins

* They enjoy American football, so it is actually enjoyed in more than one country

* They don't say "eh?" that much

Peanuts

2008-10-02T18:46:00.002+01:00

Fifty-eight years ago today, the first ever Peanuts strip was published.

And the world became ninety-three percent more awesome.

Coraline

2008-09-22T21:19:00.002+01:00

Okay, why have I never heard of this before?

Seriously Internet people, you're letting the side down here. I require knowledge of such things as soon as they exist. It is important for my well-being.

Thank you random browsing on Wikipedia

Avast!

2008-09-19T12:21:00.003+01:00

In honour of International Talk Like A Pirate Day, I bring you my new favourite thing ever: ridiculous Scottish pirate power metal!

(The band's called Alestorm, if you're interested.)

Question of the day

2008-09-02T11:50:00.001+01:00

Did Popeye really need to eat spinach? Even without it he was strong enough to squeeze a metal tin hard enough to make the lid pop off.

Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace, Track by Track

2008-08-27T19:59:00.004+01:00

So here's something different - I picked up The Offspring's new album, Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace, a couple of weeks ago and I am going to offer an opinion on each track as some kind of crazy blog madness. WHILE STOCKS LAST!

(Pointless aside I must sneak in whenever discussing the Offspring - I'm part of the crowd providing the crowd vocals on "Neocon", the first track of Splinter. Check the CD inlay - Reading Festival, 2002. Sunday I think?)

Please note that I have listened to the first five tracks several times and the rest between one and five times prior to doing this. Not because of any particular bias, I just listen to CDs in a funny way.

Also, I just noticed there doesn't appear to be an underline option on Blogger. What the hell? Bold it is.

1. "Half-Truism"

Well, the opening guitar bit is "New Born" by Muse.
Oh, there's the drums, and we're off into more Offspringy waters.
First "woah-oh" identified at about 25 seconds. New record?
Into the chorus, and we're suddenly listening to Black Parade-era My Chemical Romance. Odd but quite good.
And back to basics for second verse. Shakespearean lyric reference noted (1.27) - bonus points.
Chorus again - yep, definitely My Chem-y.

Overall, pleasing to the ear. Randomly scabbing other bands obviously pays dividends.

2. "Trust in You"

Hey, it's The Standard Offspring Song! You know what this sounds like, it's been on all of their albums at least twice. Basically take "All I Want" and squiggle it a bit. It's still good.
Hang on, the chorus offers up some weird squeaky noise in the background. Keyboard? No mention of keyboards in the booklet. Strange. And now we have a dash of Latin for the heck of it. I have no idea what "Quo modo" means but it sounds quite good.
Seriously, this precise guitar chug should be patented or something.
There's a good bridge that's not a million miles from "Have You Ever". Agreeable.

So yeah, if you like the Offspring you automatically have to like this song because this is their definitive sound or whatever.

3. "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid"

(Side note: I had this stuck in my head for most of last week.)

You can sort of dance to this one. The "dance, fucker, dance" hook's brilliant and is the bit that really got lodged in my skull.
Pre-chorus is a bit odd. Odd appears to be a key word for this album.
Main chorus: the business. Love that little riff at the end.
Then rinse and repeat.

Overall: probably the best track on the album. Not quite top marks, but close.

4. "Hammerhead"

You've probably heard this one already, it's the first single and they released it as a free download. Oh Dexter, you'll never make your delicious money that way. OR WILL YOU?

Overall: quite good. Understandable single choice, but not the album's best.

5. "A Lot Like Me"

More like "A Lot Like Linkin Park", mirite lol. Actually this one's grown on me a fair bit - I have a soft spot for Mr. Bennington and his wacky gang of crazy fellows, which probably helps.
So, sampled piano at the beginning and "ohhhh" bit - seriously, every time I hear this it sounds more like something off Meteora.
Is this actually Dexter singing? It sounds a bit different.
Okay, Dexter's providing backing vocals for the pre-chorus. So I guess it's Noodles doing the lead vocal? I can't really see Greg K, The Silent Bassist, taking the mic.
Right, into the chorus, and that's Dexter. Wow, mixing it up. Up is down and black is white. Michael Jackson is now really confused. I should be shot for that last joke.
Anyway. Song. Song quite good. Lyrics hilariously overwrought, but it's enjoyable in a slightly cheesy way.

6. "Takes Me Nowhere"

Start sounds kind of like "One Fine Day", Part 2. Good way to start. Verse gets a thumbs-up.
Chorus, um, doesn't really. Sounds like they were going to do something interesting but couldn't make it work so they went with plan B. Is there a band called Plan B? There should be.

Overall: Good verse, indifferent chorus. S'alright.

7. "Kristy, Are You Doing Okay?"

Oh blimey, they're unplugged. I smell a ballad.
Yep, definitely a ballad. The Offspring do not do ballads! They are manly and play very fast.
Also, slowing down causes Dexter's vocals to get incredibly nasal. Not quite Jordan Pundik level, but not pleasant.
Hmm, yeah. Actually I'm not so down on this one, I know there's worse to come.
Hey, we've got some drums pinched from American Idiot coming in there with their thumpy-thump-thump.

Overall: cheesy and slightly painful, but bearable. Actually, this one ended up in my head for a couple of days too. Basically, don't listen to it when your cool friends with immaculate music taste are round and you'll be fine. It'll just be between us...

8. "Nothingtown"

The American Idiot vibe returns with a vengeance. This is basically the unused sixth part of "Homecoming". And I like "Homecoming", so we're good.
Yeah, you can dance to this. It's good stuff.

Overall: one of those ones that makes you grin. It so bouncy. We like. Who "we" are, me no know. Upbeat bassline has destroyed Sam's grammar. Sammar?

9. "Stuff is Messed Up"

I think this actually turned into a Green Day record when I wasn't looking, there's a hint of "Longview" about this intro. Not as good, mind.
This is The Snarky Song. The Offspring give good snarky. It's not their best, but it's acceptable.
I like the gleefully obnoxious tone of Dexter's voice when he sings "shit is fucked up". Also, that's the sort of ridiculous phrase I like in general. Screw you, semantics!
Here we have a Clash lyrical reference followed swiftly by what you could argue to be a Christina Aguilera lyrical reference (that's how I hear it, anyway).
Then we've got this great bit near the end where Dexter sings a long list really, really fast, and fits an "lol" into it. Approval rating: high!

Overall: gets better as it goes along. Well done, sirs.

10. "Fix You"

Oops, so much for the good work so far. Here we have another ballad, and it's fucking awful. And Dexter's even more nasal. If you're going to name a track after a Coldplay song, the least you could do is make it better than the original. Yeesh.

Overall: go away now. Possibly the worst song they've ever released. So rubbish I feel confident in making that last statement despite the fact I haven't actually heard their first two albums.

11. "Let's Hear it for Rock Bottom"

Tune's perky, slightest hint of ska. Christ, the first verse actually is Linkin Park. It even sounds like Chester Bennington singing it.
Ooh, that's better. Got a bit of energy there.
...No, gone again. WHAT'S GOING ON, DEXTER
Oh, back up again. What? This song's like two different ones mashed together.

Overall: um. Hard to call. Not offensive, but probably should've been better.

12. "Rise and Fall"

Green Day again? This time it sounds like something off Shenanigans, if rarities complations can have their own sound. No, actually, it sounds like "St. Jimmy", right down to some "ooo"s in the background. Actually, that guitar solo sounds a little "Ha Ha You're Dead".

Overall: totally a Green Day song. I like Green Day, so I like this.

Album overall: not their best, not their worst. Generally, the first half's topper and the second can vary wildly. Nice to hear some different influences in there, if a bit odd at times. See? "Odd". Sums it up quite nicely a lot of the time, actually.

I've been Samuel Bridgett, and this has been a waste of your precious time.

Proper writin'

2008-08-19T15:39:00.002+01:00

Hey look, I appear to have become an intern for Absolutegadget.com.

Exciting times, fellows and ladies. Guess I should update my links...

Delicious moolah

2008-08-15T15:27:00.002+01:00

Half-Blood Prince movie pushed back 'til next July

There's no major upsets in the editing suite or anything, the producers just thought they could make a bit more dosh with a summer release. 'Cos, you know, these films usually struggle to scrape a penny or two together.

Way to show pretty thorough contempt for your audience, guys. (I bet you if you go to see The Dark Knight tonight there'll still be a trailer advertising a November release.)

I've never liked this summer-movie mentality anyway. Plus, Potter films just seem to work better in the winter (probably because they invariably have a Christmas scene).

More purdy pictures

2008-08-10T16:54:00.003+01:00

It's albums (and one EP, if you want to get picky) this time. Watch me go!

Daft Punk - Alive 2007 (2007)

It's really nice in an abstract FUTURE-IS-TIC way at first, then you flick through the booklet, see the live photos and realise it's actually a stylised picture of the stage set (the honourable robot gentlemen were positioned in that sort of gap in the central white pyramid, the red bars are the big pole things they had up and the blue triangles are the lighting rigs) and it becomes that much more awesome.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor - Raise Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven (2000)

Not much going on, but nice and simple. The CDs (it's a 2-disc album) are packaged in a sort of rough cardboard that goes rather well with the art. Gives it a bit of literal texture.

Muse - Origin of Symmetry (2001)

I like abstract cover art, what can I say? It sort of reminds me of rugby goals gone wrong.

Broken Social Scene - Broken Social Scene (2005)

I like ones that look like a four-year-old drew it, because it allows me to delude myself that I could be an artist. This probably should look rubbish, but for some reason it's really good. Conspiracies!

Jimmy Eat World - Chase This Light (2007)

This album has an art theme of fire - "light", I guess - with a lit match on the back cover and a phoenix on the CD itself. Took me bloody ages to realise that this peacock feather represents a flame (in fact, it mirrors the match on the back almost perfectly). Also phoenix feather concepts, I s'pose.

Radiohead - Kid A (2000)

Well, obviously. These days, the fires also remind me of the beacon bit from Return of the King, fact fans.

Gorillaz - Demon Days (2005)

Yes, it's the fifth billionth Beatles mick-take, but Jamie Hewlett did it so it's all right.

My Bloody Valentine - Loveless (1991)

It's the pinkest thing ever, and it took me months to realise it's actually a guitar rather than an abstract blob. Then it took me another couple of months to notice the band name's on there.

Arcade Fire - The Arcade Fire (2003)It's just really pretty.

My worldview is shattered...

2008-08-04T19:10:00.002+01:00

...I kind of agree with Keith Vaz

Okay, so there's not much actual onscreen violence, but the repeated threats are pretty intense, and it's basically one huge downer from beginning to end. I wouldn't feel comfortable taking an 11-year-old to see it.

I can understand why they 12A-d it, though, if it was 15 the ushers'd be trying to hold back an oncoming flood of underage kids determined to get in.

(I seem to recall that the original 12 certificate was invented for the first Burton film, incidentally.)

The Bat Man

2008-08-03T19:00:00.003+01:00

So, The Dark Knight...absolutely excellent stuff. Begins was pretty over-rated, but Nolan made good here. My dad commented it was more like a thriller than the typical action-heavy comic-book movie, and he was right. Much of it was literally nail-biting stuff.

One of the things I really liked about it was the action sequences - in Begins they felt thrown in out of expectation, as if the makers were obligated to put in a bit where stuff blows up but they really wanted to get back to the character drama. This time round all the explosions felt like they should be there, and it made a lot of difference. Even when Bats was zooming around on his ridiculous seat-and-guns-on-wheels thing, it didn't look that daft and unnecessary. Impressive.

There's no doubting who the movie belonged to, though. Heath Ledger, quite frankly, scared the crap out of me. I was terrified whenever he was onscreen because I literally had no idea what he was going to do next. Probably the scariest character I've ever seen in a movie (disregarding the fact I don't tend to watch horror movies). Everyone else was exemplary, too, especially Aaron Eckhart. Christ, that makeup.

It was a summer blockbuster movie that ignored all the rules of summer blockbuster movies (I can't elaborate for fear of ruining the plot), which seems fitting. Essential viewing.

More game-rating wittering

2008-08-01T15:25:00.003+01:00

They still can't make their minds up. I remain trenchant in my belief that the best and easiest thing to do is give all games BBFC ratings - people recognise and understand them instantly, and they're much more sensible than the PEGI nonsense ("Warning! Contains spiders!").

(Having said that, I remember being quite surprised that Resi 4 got a 15 rating and not an 18.)

Today's excellent thing:

2008-07-31T19:09:00.003+01:00

Scott Pilgrim cosplay.

If you don't know what's going on, you're not cool. There, I said it.

Of princes and divisible blood

2008-07-30T15:27:00.002+01:00

So, it appears the new Harry Potter trailer has been heartily splattered over t'net.

I like it. Phoenix managed the rather odd feat of making the magic world seem kind of unextraordinary and prosaic - I'm not saying I didn't enjoy the film, but it wasn't the best. (To be honest, in my view Goblet of Fire remains the only one of the lot to actually work as a good film in its own right, rather than a passable adaptation of a book.) Anyway, this slightly strange ability of returning director David Yates should work very nicely for this film. The flashbacks were by far the most interesting part of the book for me (it was my second-favourite tome of the series, after Azkaban, fact fans), and his particular touch of the grey and authoritarian should hopefully hit just the right note for 'em.

Plus, Jim Broadbent's in it. And Jim Broadbent's great.

I love counting

2008-07-29T19:37:00.001+01:00

This is possibly the best thing I've ever seen.

When satire fails

2008-07-29T13:09:00.002+01:00

Coming straight into the "you couldn't make it up" theme, a tour company's planning a package designed around fraudster-canoeist-type John Darwin's travels and travails. Satire does not know what to do with itself.

I still find it highly amusing that they're called Darwin yet displayed a singular lack of human intelligence.