Monday, November 09, 2015

The Nightmare Before Boston

With thanks to my friend Stokes and a guy on the STCO forum who did something similar ten-odd years ago (haha I'm old) for prompting the idea and apologies to Danny Elfman, I present my ode composed the day before Fallout 4 comes out.

What's this?  What's this?
There's rubble everywhere
What's this?
There's ashes in the air
What's this?
I can't believe my eyes
I must be dreaming
Wake up Jack*, this isn't fair
What's this?

What's this?  What's this?
There's something very wrong
What's this?
Someone's been dropping bombs
What's this?
The streets are lined with
Super Mutants laughing
Everybody seems so hardcore
In the aftermath of the war
What is this?

I'm firing off my shotgun
Exploding all their heads
I'm busy building towns
And making everybody dead
There's so much loot to pick up
Oh I can't believe my eyes
I wonder if this Fat Man could
Help boil up their insides?

Oh look
What's this?
The V.A.T.S. will help me miss?  Why that'll come in handy
They're gathering around to hear a story, roasting Mole Rats on a fire!
What's this?

What's this?
In here
They're trading bottle caps
How queer
And who would ever think
And why?
They're collecting little Vault Boy statues
They've got useful stat boosts too
So, now, correct me if I'm wrong
This looks like fun
This looks like fun
Oh could it be I got my wish?
What's this?

Oh my, what now?
This cavern is so deep
And look, there's something that's all teeth
Let's try a hatchet, aim to take its head off
Maybe trade its flesh too, get a stimpack or two
Secure inside my Pip-Boy
What's this?

The Pre-War stuff's all missing
And clean water can't be found
And in their place there seems to be
Some Raiders all around
And through their screams, I swear
40's music's in the air
The smell of Feral Ghouls is absolutely everywhere

The sights, the sounds!
They're everywhere and all around
I've never seen so many guns before
My inventory is filling up
I simply cannot get enough
I want it, oh I want it
Oh I want it for my own
I've got to know, I've got to know
What is this place that I have found?
What is this?

....The Commonwealth?  Hmmm...

*for ease let's assume the male Sole Survivor is called Jack and the female is Jacqueline 
Also I know large chunks don't scan but damn if Danny Elfman can't cram an improbable number of syllables into a given line

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