Everybody's supersonic racing

So, a new 2D HD Sonic game for next year? I am intriguéd. And because everyone on the Internet already has fifty-seven opinions on it, here am I to offer what I would like to see.

• Really fancy sprites. Work for the HD tag. I want Vanillaware-level quality here. I was, in fact, playing Sonic Advance 2 the other day and I decided that I prefer Sonic in sprites to polygons. Apparently I am retro.
  
• Extra characters, but keep 'em leashed. I happen to rather like the ridiculously huge supporting cast, but let's just have them popping up in little cameos most of the time. Maybe have Tails tagging along behind Sonic, Sonic 2/3-style, but have any other characters non-playable and limited. Let's see Knuckles, Amy, Cream, Big, Omega, maybe Rouge, the Chaotix and possibly Blaze and Marine for the heck of it. Oh, and revive Mighty, Fang/Nack and Bark. No brand-new characters though.
  
• Eggman is the main villain. No "henchman suddenly takes control" again. Although from what I can gather they already did that in Unleashed, but I haven't played that.
• Proper badniks. By "badniks" I mean "robots that look like animals and when you bop 'em little animals come out". None of this generic humanoid stuff, it's just not as aesthetically interesting. (Honourable exception for the steampunk robots from Rush Adventure's Machine Labyrinth.)
• Zones and acts. It still feels odd not popping "Zone" on the end of a Sonic level.
• Less running, more platforming. Using momentum more, like back in The Good Old Days. Spin Dash and rolling about, baby.
• Music by Hideki Naganuma or Richard Jacques. Either is acceptable. Or both.
• Get seven Chaos Emeralds, become Super Sonic. From what I can recall, you haven't been able to be Super Sonic in any old level since Sonic 3 & Knuckles. Tut.
  
• Metal Sonic. Metal Sonic is cool.
  

Concerning women member increase

So the other day I noticed that this post had suddenly got a few comments, and they were all in Japanese. "Huh," I thought. "Well, I guess it is about a giant robot suit, and them crazy Japanese folks do love their giant robot suits."

Then today I noticed it had grown to 8 comments, and investigated further.

Here's a Babelfish translation.

Yup, it's porn. Like giant robot suits? You sure will love naked Japanese ladies!

I like compewter gamez

And I currently like Batman: Arkham Asylum. It's very good.

I also like that Scribblenauts is out this month. I also like that Professor Layton 2 is out this month. I also like that Brütal Legend is out next month.

But what do I like most of all?

I like that they're making a sequel to Ōkami.

!

Burning down the house

Stop it, David Blaine. Byrne. Whatever. Do you think they ever get each other confused? My gut tells me that hijinks would ensue. The wackiness of said hijinks would need to be plotted on a graph, mind, and I can't be bothered with that.

Which is the least coherent way I could come up with of saying that I am going to inflict you with my opinions on the first series of Dollhouse, as I watched the finale last night on the tellemebox.

For many a moon, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was my very favouritest TV show. It's not up at such lofty heights in my mind any more (it seems oddly dated and even quaint in places these days, especially the first couple of seasons), but I still heart it. I don't really know what my very favouritest TV show is any more, but if I was pushed Firefly would be a strong contender. Basically, what I am saying is that I like Joss Whedon and I like things that Joss Whedon makes.

So thirteen weeks ago I sat down to watch, aware of Dollhouse's reputation (bit of a rubbish start, but give it a chance) and willing to overlook quite a lot. And at the other end, it's a choice I'm glad I made.

Super-quick rundown: there's a secret organisation that wipes people's personalities (volunteers...most of the time) and downloads entire new people into their heads for paying clients. The clients order anything from a hostage negotiator to a jewel thief to a bodyguard to a high-class prostitute - but since these are rich people, the so-called "actives" are usually required for sex or violence. Or violent sex. Or sexy violence. It's Joe 90 with boobs and booms, basically, and at the end of the episode the active's brain is wiped clean and they're returned to the House.

The first three or four weeks were agreeable enough - the stories weren't super-gripping but kept me entertained, and there was enough groundwork being laid for the future to help push the thing along.

However, by week 6 ("Man on the Street") I was growing tired with the person-of-the-week stories.

SPOILERS AHEAD, FELLOWS AND LADIES!

When Dollhouse-obsessed FBI agent Paul Ballard finally got it awn with his shy neighbour Mellie, I got worried. Because in Joss Whedon's universe, if you have a drawn-out romantic will-they-won't-they, the will-they is usually followed by something awful happening. And indeed, the Dollhouse sent an assassin to kill Mellie, which distressed me because I liked the couple (and fancied Mellie something rotten). "Fine, I'm not watching any more," I decided. But I forgot that a Joss Whedon show would never have a defenceless semi-naked woman abruptly killed by an evil man (who'd been revealed as a rapist earlier in the episode) and Mellie was revealed to be an active too, who promptly killed him. Hooray! Maybe I would keep watching after all.

THE SPOILERS, THEY ARE ENDED!

From there the series gradually got better and better, finishing with a top-notch episode (SPOILERS BACK!) set in the future, which has gone all post-apocalyptic on us. And featured Felicia Day and Molly off Heroes. (SPOILERS GONE!)

While it's never quite up to Whedon's previous televisual treats, it's some good stuff. The key is how it, with a mixture of good writing and good acting, gradually layers up sympathy for some pretty damn unsympathetic protagonists. Top marks to Tahmoh Penikett, who works hard to make Ballard more than a one-note Dogged Law Guy; Fran Kranz as the House's tech god Topher Brink (basically Xander from Buffy but smarter and with kind of a god complex), who you should technically hate but just can't; and Olivia Williams as House-head Adelle DeWitt. The scene in the finale (THE SPOILERS RETURN!) between Williams and Kranz as the latter has gone mad after his tech brings about the downfall of civilisation, and the former has essentially turned into his mother in trying to keep him together, was very affecting. (THE SPOILERS DEPART!)

The slightly mind-screwing (and rather scary) concept is explored well - the one that sticks out in my mind is "Haunted", the tenth episode, wherein a friend of DeWitt's utilises the House's technology to solve her own murder.

So, basically, it's good and if you choose to check it out, bear in mind that it takes a bit of time to get going. However, it rewards your perservance quite nicely. Roll on the unexpected and welcome second series!

Pleasing story of the day

Shrew thought extinct found to not be extinct

I especially love the fact that the scientists' train of thought was essentially, "Everyone reckons this thing is extinct - eff that, we're gonna look for it anyway."

Despair

Konami create walking-simulation video game

Is this my fault, Konami? Is it because I never bought a Metal Gear Solid? Is that why you're doing this?

At least when Nintendo did it they packaged it with a couple of pedometers and encouraged you to actually, you know, go out for a walk.

Today I Die

I vaguely seem to recall hearing about Today I Die somewhere before, but I've never checked it out before. It's kind of a game that's also a poem, and it's rather wonderful. Give it a go.

OH GOD

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE

HE HAS COME TO WREAK HIS VENGEANCE

IN HIS BIG-ASS ROBOT SUIT

The full horrifying story of humankind's end

Scribblenauts will be the best game ever

For those not paying attention, it's the forthcoming DS game from the guys who made Drawn to Life. You solve puzzles by typing things in to an onscreen keyboard, which then spawns that thing for you to use.

You can also set up a stegosaurus vs. kraken fight, as demonstrated here.



See? Best game ever.

This was a triumph

I'm making a note here
"GREAT SUCCESS"

So yeah, I completed Portal last night and now I know what the Internet was going on about a year and a half ago.

It was actually a different bit of The Orange Box that stuck in my mind, namely Half-Life 2: Episode Two. I couldn't do the big setpiece battle at the end, and was berating this fact to a friend in the pub last week, who suggested I check what difficulty setting I was playing on, maybe shift it down to "easy". So I did, and the plan worked.

My problem was that when you have a game like Half-Life with a very strong narrative, getting stuck on a hard bit is extremely annoying. If you've engaged the player and they want to know how the story progresses, forbidding them because they're not good enough isn't on. It's like reading a book and then suddenly the author puts his hand over the page and says, "No, you can't read any more, you didn't fully comprehend that metaphor. Stay on this page until you get my meaning."

Another game I completed this week was BioShock, which understood the idea. You have an arrow pointing the direction, there are hints on the pause screen to help you progress, and if you die you respawn in a "Vita-Chamber", normally a little way back through the level, with weapons and such intact. In last issue's Official Xbox Magazine there's an interview with Jordan Thomas, the creative director of the forthcoming sequel. He explains that, "We felt the Vita-Chambers were pretty important in terms of making it a shooter that was more about offering you hard choices and less about stopping you finishing."

I loved the Vita-Chambers. BioShock was incredibly narrative-heavy, and 2K knew their place in not preventing me from enjoying the narrative. Some didn't like them, so BioShock 2 will apparently have the option to turn 'em off. Everyone wins.

It's a tricky line, of course. You've got not stopping the players from finishing the game, but you've also got not taking all the challenge out. Obviously there are many gamers who enjoy pitting themselves against a game, the sort who play Ikaruga blindfold with one hand behind their back, but I've never been that sort of player. I'm of the opinion that I don't mind being challenged, but I've paid money for this and if I'm irretrivably stuck I want a hand. That's why I like the idea of this "Kind Code" that Sir Shigsy of Moto is yammering about (even if it's already been done in Alone in the Dark). The thing about the way that gaming is opening up to more people is that there are a lot of new gamers who've never even heard of Mega Man, and keeping everyone happy is only going to get trickier. It'll be interesting to see what ideas come up.

LIVING IN THE FUTURE

I'm guessing most people have at least briefly encountered Microsoft's Natal by now. It makes me excited. Obviously it'll take a few years to kick off proper, but once it does, imagine shooting lightning in Bioshock 4 just by making a clawy hand. It'll be like being Ian McKellen in X-Men!

Although I must admit the bit I like most is the woman scrolling through a menu by gesturing.

IT'S JUST LIKE MINORITY REPORT

LIVING IN THE FUTURE

hoverboards next plzkthx

Eee, technology

Formula 3 car made out of vegetables

I am of the opinion they missed a trick by not designing it to resemble a Wacky Races car.

Buh?

Guess who got The Orange Box today?

(the answer is me, I did)

Guess who was confused by the fact that the box included the Finnish instruction manual rather than the English one for no obvious reason?

(again, it was me)

L'amusent

I have no idea if that's real French or not. But it should be.

Anyway, you know how skips have those little signs on the sides - "LEVEL LOAD ONLY" and "NO FIRES"? I saw one today where an enterprising builder had altered them to read "EVIL TOADS ONLY" and "NO FRILS".

Well, it made me chuckle.

On aesthetics

I have long maintained that for a video game to achieve true beauty, it should avoid attempting photo-realistic graphics and instead devise its own particular stylised look (see: Ōkami, The Wind Waker etcetera).

Tomb Raider Underworld may be forcing me to rethink this view. I keep getting distracted on the Thailand level and going, "ooooh, lookit the pretty undergrowth."

So, in conclusion: curse you, Lara Croft.

(On a side note, I'm rather impressed with the new graphical touch wherein Lara gets grimier as you scramble about the place but going for a dip cleans her off, but there's no way to mention it without sounding like a massive pervert.)

THE ONE-TWO PUNCH!!

I picked up BioShock today.

So far I have:

• stared blankly at the screen because the graphics were so good I thought I was still watching the intro movie and didn't realise I'd actually started playing the game
• examined some wet bricks closely because the graphics are that good
• been given goosebumps by the voyage into Rapture
  
• been startled by a whale
• sworn out loud several times as things blew up
• sworn out loud several times as unpleasant things attacked me
• been really, really, really creeped out in general
• decided that the hype was accurate and this is a strong contender for Best Game Ever

And I've only played it for twenty minutes. Blimey.

Money will be spent

I am currently concocting a plan to purchase an Xbox 360 this week (most likely tomorrow). My parents are away in Prague and I always find it easier to spend large amounts of money when I have no one to justify it to for a day or two. My eventual justifications this time will involve my personal attempts to kick-start the world economy, I should think. At any rate, do not be surprised if I never update my blog again because I am too busy throwing cars about or stuffing ketchup bottles into zombies' mouths.

I am also planning a novel, because the creative side of my brain (which I thought was killed off altogether by the efforts of the creative writing course at Aberystwyth) has roused itself from its death-like stupor and been demanding exercise recently. It is proving quite hard to martial my thoughts into some sort of coherent planning form, but at present it looks like the resultant work will be 60% exploration of Celtic myth and 40% footling around. Its one talking point thus far is that the love interest only has one hand. Don't ask me why, but when I was thunking up characters a pretty redhead with no left hand named Sarah strolled into my frontal lobes more or less fully-formed.

(It should be noted at this point that by "novel" I mean "lengthy piece of prose that will never leave the boundaries of my computer screen and probably be read by a maximum of two people, one of whom will just be feigning interest".)

Comixxxxxxx

So the Webcomic Thing was top fun for young and old. Personal highlight: meeting John Allison, who seemed far too young for a man who has been doing webcomics for ten years, and buying two books off him which he promptly signed with a little doodle in each (Shelley in one, Des in the other). And he then let me have a badge for free because I didn't have 50p in change. What a nice man.

Also Smithy gave me a jelly baby.

I would, however, like to question the wisdom of placing Sir John A. and Kate Beaton right near each other which resulted in considerable gridlock pretty much all day and prevented me from buying her book (I used the "I'll go later when there's less of a queue" reasoning then discovered she'd sold out).

Ah well. A very fine day anyway. Might have to go next year, hmm, yes, hmm.

Today has been an excellent day

1. We finally got round to getting a new CD drive for the family PC (the last one went crazy about a month ago). The new one is powerful enough for me to surf the Interwubs and burn a CD to iTunes at the same time (our computer is very old, such a thing was previously beyond it without it running about five times slower).
2. I picked up Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks second-hand for PS2. It cost me four squids because I traded in God of War. MK:SM has proved to be the game that I wanted GoW to be - over-the-top, stupid and very, very fun.
3. 2-disc version of The Dark Knight for £6.99 from Sainsbury's. "I'm 'avin' some of that," I said. And I did!
   
4. Passing by MSN, I saw the headline "Jeremy Clarkson locked in loo". Leave him there! Go on.

So yes, an excellent day. And tomorrow I meet Smithy face-to-face and proclaim my love to him. By which I mean have an upstanding and entirely heterosexual pleasant chat. Yes.

Why you should go to the UK Web & Mini Comix Thing 2009

That's right, the UK Web & Mini Comix Thing 2009. The reasons you should go are many!

Reason #1: it's good, probably. I dunno, I haven't been before.
Reason #2: John Allison will be there. So will many other excellent people, admittedly, but John Allison.
Reason #3, a.k.a. The Main Reason: I have combined powers with the much-more-talented-than-me Matthew Smith to unleash The Royal Society for the Preservation of Sub-Literature Presents: A Series of Fragments from Lost Novels upon an unsuspecting planet, and copies of same will be available for your perusal at table 27.

To quote the peerless wisdom of Sanjay Nahasapeemapetilon, "You will be there or kindly be square."

Oh, Capcom

This is now old news because it took place this morning but some crossed wires at Absolute Gadget prevented it being uploaded 'til now.

Hilariously ill-advised body parts scavenger hunt

Bless you, Capcom, you wacky funsters.

Music, maestro

As you may have noticed, I like video games. By extension, one of the things I like about video games is the music contained within. By extension, one of the things I like about the music contained within is both the increasing complexity of the music, now often supplied by full orchestras, and the fact that the early tunes made a virtue of the simplistic technology they could utilise, and thus sound really good when done with proper instruments and that. By extension, I enjoy finding stuff related to videogame music on YouTube. By extension, here are some of my favourites.

(Please ignore the fact that the videos are both linked and embedded. Blogger is leading me a merry dance tonight, I dunno what the heck's going on.)

"Godot - The Dark Fragrance of Coffee" performed by Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra

Probably the best tune from a series with no end of good tunes, done all classy like. You don't get more smooth.

OutRun medley performed by Richard Jacques and an orchestra

Not the best quality video, but we will forgive it on the grounds that Richard Jacques is awesome and OutRun music is awesome, so Richard Jacques performing some OutRun music is super-awesome. Darn but I must get to Video Games Live this year.

The Legend of Zelda theme performed on theremin by ooo6

Theremin. Theremin. There, min. The remin. Mmm.

Nintendo medley performed by an a cappella choir

Bonus points for acting.

And finally, my favourite, good enough for me to have a copy on my iPod:

"Wind Waker Unplugged", by FreddeGredde

Possibly, dare I say it, better than the original game's music. And damn if I don't love The Wind Waker's music.

Avon will eat itself

...and presumably all of us too

Did they seriously not notice this? Is it an elaborate post-modern prank? Are they actually planning to turn us all into zombies?

More news as we get iOH GOD NOT MY BRAIN I NEED THAT TO LIVE

Who watched the Watchmen?

I did, and now I have a slight headache and "The Times They Are A-Changin'" going round and round in my brain.

So did I enjoy Yakkety Zack's filmeriffic version of that book by Dave Gibbons and [name removed at request of lawyers]? Yes, yes I did.

I felt it was a little over-faithful to the book, which was understandable, but still you kind of wished for it to stretch its wings a bit more. The credit sequence (40 or so years of backstory crammed together to the tune of the aforementioned Dylan song) was actually my favourite part of the movie. The David Bowie and Andy Warhol cameos were inspired.

It looked astonishing. The slow-mo in the fights was largely unecessary, but other than that the cinematography was sumptuous. Interesting to note that Gibbons actually comes across better from the enterprise than Moore - any attempts to mirror Gibbons' tracking shots or camera angles, as it were, always looked great, whereas some of Moore's directly transposed dialogue came across as a little portentous. Anyway, full marks to the costume and set design people. Although I can't decide if the ridiculous Richard Nixon makeup was a deliberate caricature or some makeup person getting over-enthusiastic.

Acting was good, going for little-known cast members (as well as quite startling lookalikes, I was surprised how closely nearly everyone matched their drawn versions) paid off in terms of immersion without going, "Ooh, it's George Clooney!" Top marks for Billy Crudup, who made excellent results of possibly one of the hardest-to-portray characters ever written. "Right, Billy, your motivation is that you percieve time in a non-linear fashion. Action!"

Other points: great soundtrack, Malin Akerman is so beautiful it's seriously not even funny, blimey it was violent.

Overall, enjoyable but not great. It reminded me slightly of how you watch a Harry Potter film and think that it's not bad in pouring a book straight on to screen, but you want it to stand as a movie in its own right and it never quite manages it.

The world just got a little bit more awesome

Man makes working replica of the glider from Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind

"People always ask me if I'm an inventor, but I'm not. Inventions have a practical component to them; none of my pieces have that."

I love you, crazy Japanese man.

(Thanks to Smithy for the heads-up.)

Think thou on this

If you subscribe to the infinite worlds theory (i.e. if the universe is essentially infinite, that means there are worlds out there almost identical to our own with slight changes) then somewhere there is a planet where 50 Cent hails from Yorkshire.

The night was cold, and dark. And cold. And dark. And cold, and dark, and cold. Also it was raining.

The faint glow of the streetlight picked out a shadowy figure skulking through the inky blackness. The barest ember of a lit cigarette illuminated the careworn creases of his face and the scar across his left cheek. His stocky, imposing figure was briefly racked by violent coughing, because smoking totally gives you lung cancer. He stalked the sidewalks with his head down and his collar up. He was heading to a seedy building that looked almost ready to fall down, and had no sign of life except the single lit window on the second floor. And the cat that was nibbling a dead junkie's fingers.

That cat's gonna get a crack habit now, thought the man. That's how it works, right? Or is that HIV? He thought about shooting the cat to save it from its future misery, but he didn't want the local lowlifes to be attracted to the gunshot. He'd lost his pistol's silencer after the incident on the docks, and he wasn't quite confident enough of his makeshift replacement, a toilet roll tube with some Sellotape around it, to try it out yet.

Instead, he eased open the building's front door and ascended the stained staircase to the second floor. He dropped the cigarette butt in a plant pot that held a dead plant and several hundred cigarette butts, and approached the door.

The door read, Jackson Trythson: Private Detective over an image of a staring eye. Some wiseass kids had added "Trythson is super rubbish" underneath. The man didn't know whether they were uninventive in their insults or just kind of polite. Maybe both.

The man took a calming breath, then knocked on the door and opened it without waiting for a reply.

The detective's office was shabby, with nearly every surface covered in sheets of paper. A three-quarters-empty whisky bottle stood on the desk (except this was American whiskey, so you spell it with an "e", like that). Behind the desk was a chair, and in the chair was a man. In the man's hand was a glass tumbler. In the tumbler used to be some whiskey, but the man had drunk it. The man was asleep, and going "zzzz". The man (the other one, the one that had just come in the room and wasn't asleep) shut the door, which made the man in the chair wake up.

"...burlap sack! Huh? What? White! What're you doin' here?" said the man in the chair.
"I need your help," said White, who was the man that had just come into the office and shut the door and that. "All sorts of bad stuffs are up in my grill, man. Please, Jackson. Forget the business with the pipecleaners and help your old friend."
"You were never my friend," said Jackson Trythson, Private Dectective, who was the guy who'd just woken up. "I just kept you around for the spare organs."
White grinned. "Just the same, you old joker."
Jackson grinned back. "Good to see you."

Then they had passionate sweaty mansex. It was totally hot.

In which my fragile mind finally snaps

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS THERE IS A SECRET BIT IN LEGO BATMAN WHERE YOU BUILD A LEGO K-9

THEN YOU RIDE HIM AROUND

AAAAAAAAAH

HELLO INTERNET

I was going to write about that ridiculous Pepsi logo document thing, but it has been pointed out to me that extra advertising is probably just what they want. So I won't. Not even a link.

How you like me now, giant corporation.

(I'm still half-convinced they're taking the mick with the whole thing.)

Instead, here's a picture I was going to pop behind this blog's title, but I couldn't get it how I liked it so I gave up. But I bothered to scan the photo in, so I am determined my efforts will not be in vain.



Ahh, innit pretty and that.

Incidentally, well done to LittleBigPlanet for clearing up so thoroughly at the Interactive Achievement Awards last night. I'd never heard of these awards before, but judging from the LBP-love they know what they're on about.

So yeah, I don't really have anything worthwhile to add to Teh Blogosphere tonight. I totally thought of something worth writing on earlier, but that was at like 8am and I've forgotten it now. Bah.

Ah, the flesh of humans

I have recently discovered that an excellent way to banish a sense of vague dissatisfaction with your life is to watch some sort of zombie-based entertainment (in this case the last two episodes of Dead Set, which overall was very good if crushingly unsubtle when it came to the satirical comments) and think, "Hey, at least my intestines aren't being forcibly ripped from my still-living flesh by my undead friends and co-workers."

Also, I would like to take a moment to address Traveller's Tales.

Dear Traveller's Tales,

I am enjoying your latest product, the videogamey entity known to humans as Lego Batman. However, if you choose to create any further Lego games in the future, I will ask you to stop putting vehicle-based levels in them as they are invariably bloody awful.

Lots of love,
Me

A List Of Tiresome Opinions

...Thinking about it, I could probably retitle this blog to that.

I formally present an arbitrary collection of things I have seen/read/played/heard in the last two weeks or so, for no other reason than I can.

Films

28 Weeks Later
Viewing enabled by: DVD rented from Lovefilm.com (which is my new favourite thing, incidentally)

I really enjoyed 28 Days Later, and wanted to catch this in the cinema but it never quite happened. Still, I've seen it now. And, indeed, enjoyed it. It's not quite up to its prequel, mainly due to less focus on characterisation, but as a more straightforward hit of action it satisfied. Special mentions must go to the extended death scene in the laboratory (vagaries employed to prevent spoilerfication), which was memorable both for the viciousness of it and the tragic overtones (it brought Oedipus to my mind, whether deliberately or not); and also the bit where Harold "I Have Been In Every Third Film/TV Show You Have Seen" Perrineau turns his helicopter into an impromptu zombie death machine, purely for being ridiculous and cool. Also, maybe I'm odd but I find it satisfying to see British landmarks get all kinds of messed up every once in a while instead of American ones - there was something faintly cathartic about Regent's Park tube station going kaboom in spectacular manner. (I have a certain fondness for Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer purely for the bit where the Thames gets drained and the London Eye nearly falls over.) And just before we go, I'd like to nod my head towards its two young stars, the wonderfully named Imogen Poots and Mackintosh Muggleton. Carrying a film on young shoulders is risky. Carrying a film that's not aimed at family viewing on young shoulders is super-risky. Carrying an action film on young shoulders is super-duper-risky. Carrying an action-horror film on young shoulders is downright silly. But the pair pull it off, and do it well.
Ice-cream rating: better than Carte D'or Chocolate Inspiration, worse than Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie

Tales from Earthsea
Viewing enabled by: Lovefilm rental again

I found it quite hard to watch this without being mindful of the brouhaha that accompanied its making. Especially since a lot of it centred around an argument between a father and a son (the latter of whom had never before directed a film but ended up in charge) and then the first five minutes of the film features a man fatally stabbing his father for no apparent reason. And to be honest, the backstage shenanigans are more interesting than large portions of the plot. I've never read any of the Earthsea books, but the acceptable-but-hopelessly-generic fantasy storytelling shown here doesn't encourage me to. It's not bad, but it's not very inventive. Luckily, this is a Studio Ghibli film, so you can sit back and bathe your eyes in the glorious beauty of the whole enterprise. This film has arguably the prettiest sunsets I've ever seen (and I'm including real life here) and I could basically just watch some sort of sunset-montage edited out of this for two hours and be happy.
Month rating: better than January, worse than April

The Spiderwick Chronicles
Viewing enabled by: my mum has it on DVD and I watched it

And hey, another film adaptation of a series of fantasy books. This one is also a real looker, although that's about as much as it has in common with Earthsea. It's fairly squarely aimed at the younger end of the market, although surprisingly it focuses much more on character than I was expecting, and indeed more than these sort of films do. It's all about a family coping with divorce, really. Well, okay, it's really about a scientist compiling a field guide to fairies and an ogre trying to get hold of it and people getting spat in the face by a computer-generated Seth Rogen, but it's still about a family coping with divorce as well. The whole cast is excellent, but top marks go to Freddie "Charlie out of the Chocolate Factory" Highmore, who is called upon to play a pair of identical twins that are complete opposites, be in nearly every scene either once or twice as a result, and still manage to make both characters fully-rounded and believable. And he does it really well, despite only being about six months old. There's an Oscar or two in that lad's future, you mark my words. And on a completely unrelated note, this appealed to my geeky world-myth-loving side by concentrating on the sort of creatures that don't often get a showing in films (hobgoblins, brownies, sylphs, red caps, griffins etc.). So that's cool.
Cereal rating: better than Weetabix, worse than Special K

Treasure Planet
Viewing enabled by: my brother's TV

This one only half-counts because I only saw the second half, and the sound was quite low and my niece and nephew were running round going "Aaaah", so I couldn't fully concentrate. But I followed about 70% of the dialogue, and I saw the first half a few months ago so I have technically seen the whole film. Anyway. Maybe it's that everyone knows Treasure Island upside-down and back-to-front, but the storytelling was a little ho-hum. A bit you know what sort of thing is going to happen even if you don't know the story. A bit whateverrrrrrrr. But! This deserves a slap on the back purely on a design front. It's so pretty and hugely inventive. Great character design (I loved the pirate that was a head on a pair of arm/legs), great world design, great design. The hand-drawn and CG mix well, and it's basically highly enjoyable even with the sound off. One bum note is the writing of Ben Gunn as B.E.N., malfunctioning robot. From a story perspective it worked quite well, but it was a real case of "Oh look! Here's the comedy sidekick! Everybody laugh at the comedy sidekick and his hilarious antics!" Tiresome on its own, but when you've already got David Hyde Pierce on board, you've got sublime comic relief sorted quite adequately. B.E.N. just smacked of "We need this film's Genie plzkthx".
X-Men rating: better than Forge, worse than Vivisector

Books (or just book)

The Night Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko
Reading enabled by: my mum bought it for me in order to take advantage of a 3 for 2 deal at Waterstone's

I'm only halfway through this, but it's ace. It's got vampires and witches who turn into tigers and satire on bureaucracy and sarkiness and references to Hexen. And it's only the first of a trilogy so there's that great feeling when you're reading a book you're really enjoying and are happy in the knowledge that it won't be over when you finish it, there's more to come.
Doctor Who rating: better than the Sontarans, worse than the Daleks

Computer games

Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon on DS
Playing enabled by: I bought it on Friday

I've only got a little way in, but I like this. It's Fire Emblem, so I was destined to like it, but it's good to know. Being able to change unit classes is pleasingly odd, stylus control is largely satisfying with a back-up of D-pad and buttons if I want 'em, and there are a wealth of little touches that improve the general play no end (an important point for a series that fundamentally doesn't change much).
Blur rating: better than "She's So High", worse than "Charmless Man"

LittleBigPlanet on PS3
Playing enabled by: my brother's PS3, and me I guess since I bought it for him for Christmas

Brilliant. Love it. Gorgeous to gaze upon, delightful to play, you can stick stickers of Henry VIII's head all over the place, and you get a jetpack right near the beginning. And you can dress up like a Shakespearean character. Or a lion. Or a Shakespearean lion. And this is just from playing the tutorial levels on my own...
Robot rating: better than Ultra Magnus, equal to K9

CDs (or just CD)

Heart by Stars
Listening enabled by: I bought it on Thursday

Um, only listened to this all the way through once, and the first few songs a couple of times over that. Can't really remember much...I think it's fairly '80s, and probably the weakest of the three Stars albums I have, but still enjoyable. I really like the way it starts with each band member saying, "I am [insert name], and this is my heart."
Stephen King rating: better than Wizard and Glass, worse than Pet Sematary

Are games art?

A few months ago, I applied for a job for computerandvideogames.com, which I didn't get. Obviously. Part of the application was to write a blog article on something game-related, and I just found my effort lying around on the hard drive. I was quite pleased with it then and reckon it still reads quite nicely now, so I thought I'd do a dash of rewriting and slap it up. Take it away, August 2008-me:

Monet. Mozart. Miyazaki. Mario? Is it time for computer games to rise tall and proclaim, “We are an art form”?

Gaming is looked down on by pretty much everyone. While all other forms of media, from painting through to movies, can rest snugly in their classification of art – deep, meaningful works portraying great ideas – games are still the idiot children, enjoyed by the idiot children. Lines and blobs beeping their way across TV screens, providing basic stimulation for those of short attention span. Of course, it’s rubbish. I know it, you know it, so why doesn’t anyone else?

Well, first off, games are astonishingly young. Barely 30 years old – by comparison, thirty years into cinema’s lifespan the concept of sound was just being addressed. Paintings were barely into the “stick man on cave walls” era (unless the aliens took all the fancy stuff with them after buggering off and leaving a couple of crystal skulls behind). The leaps in basic technology and general sophistication games have made from Pong through to GTAIV are bordering on the ridiculous, and it’s not surprising that the general perception of them hasn’t caught up yet.

So, is that it? The simple fact that dedicated gamers need to wait a generation or so before their pastime will be vindicated once and for all? Er, well, no. Games actually haven’t made a rosy perception of themselves easy to come by.

Frankly, they’ve given themselves an uphill struggle. The extremely basic capabilities of the first games machines meant that Space Invaders or Robotron or Oh No Those Pesky Aliens Are At It Again 7 were pretty much all they could handle, and this image got burned into the public’s mind and hasn’t scrubbed off yet. (Admittedly such scenarios are still a favourite haunt of games, but at least nowadays they have the narrative clout, invention and scope of Mass Effect or Dead Space to justify themselves. I'll stick my fingers in my ears and yell "LA LA LA" if you mention Gears of War.)

Which comes to the main point – the majority of games aren’t art. Neither are the majority of films. No-one in their right mind would state that Steven Seagal’s Pistol Whipped is comparable to Citizen Kane, just like you can’t hold up Big Beach Sports next to Super Mario Galaxy. But that pesky fellow John Public doesn’t realise that, so he holds up like his misinformed life depends on it. Look at the charts, after all – Ōkami’s nowhere to be seen on Wii because everyone’s buying Carnival: Funfair Games or the latest half-arsed Pixar tie-in instead. (I’ll leave the irony that Pixar regularly create some of cinema’s finest moments but no-one can be bothered to get a decent development team in to honour their films for another time.) And at Christmas it’s the same thing every year: two certain footie titles and a certain racing series fighting it out for number one (will the reader kindly ignore the generally excellent quality of FIFA and Pro Evo as it will cause the writer’s argument to collapse like the proverbial house of cards).

So there we are – games can be art, but most of the time they don’t deserve the title. They will, in time, like the way that comics were finally deemed worthy of dull, earnest essays like this one in the Eighties with the advent of Watchmen, The Dark Knight Returns and their ilk. For now, gamers will have to wait before the art we play becomes justly acknowledged. That’s several years to prepare for a good “I told you so,” and a hearty mocking laugh. Get to it.

KITTEH

This German weatherman is my new favourite human. Consummate professionalism. Doesn't even object to the cat licking his chin. Good work sir.

EDIT: To continue the "excellent people" theme, here's Neil Gaiman in snowshoes.

Thor, the Norse God of Thunder

I have discovered that the perfect answer to any question is "Thor, the Norse God of Thunder".

"Who ruled England from 1066 to 1087?"
"Thor, the Norse God of Thunder."

"What d'you fancy for dinner?"
"Thor, the Norse God of Thunder."

"Who likes short shorts?"
"Thor, the Norse God of Thunder."

"How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?"
"Thor, the Norse God of Thunder."

Okay, maybe not that last one.

Oops...

...kind of forgot one from my list of movies what I saw in t'cinema.

Persepolis

Not up to the level of the comic, but I wasn't really expecting it to be. Still great, the animation style was perfectly judged and it got the comic's abrupt changes of pace down nicely. Also, "Eye of the Tiger". Oh yes.

In sort-of-related news, I got Wall·E on DVD for Christmas and watched it this afternoon. I think it may just have clinched my Film of 2008 title, as well as Bestest Pixar Movie Evar, which is a high accolade indeed. Also, the extra short, Burn·E, is fabulous.

The year in moviethings

Inspired by/cheerfully ripping off an idea from Mr. Smith, who's done the same thing on the STCO forums, I hereby present my opinions on the moving pictures what I saw at the cinema complex this year of our lord 2008. I'll keep 'em short because I've already mentioned some of them on here, and there's quite a few besides.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

I enjoyed this more than I thought I would, mainly because I'm fairly squeamish and was fully expecting to spend half the movie peering out between my fingers. The shamelessly over-the-top design pleased me, I spent the next three weeks humming "A Little Priest" at inappropriate times, and the cast were excellent, even the ones who had rubbish parts to play (i.e. Anthony and Johanna). Helena Bonham Carter completely owned the movie as I far as I'm concerned. Needed more Anthony Head, though, but then everything needs more Anthony Head. Everything.

Juno

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Brilliant script, brilliant acting, brilliant direction, brilliant soundtrack (I bought the CD on the way home from the cinema, which I think is the only time I've ever done that). Nary a bum note to be had.

The Other Boleyn Girl

I can't remember much of this, to be honest (saw it in March), which probably isn't a good sign. From what I can remember, Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johannson were good as the Boleyns, but Eric Bana was a bit of a damp squib as Henry VIII, largely down to not having anything to work with. Mind, put Portman and Johannson in bosomy Tudor corsets and hint at much taking off of said bosomy corsets and I'm pretty much satisfied.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

When you're giggling out loud as you remember a movie's plot, you're probably on to a winner. All the tiresome naysayers have apparently forgotten how deeply silly the first three movies were, and Skull can hold its head up high as being even sillier. ARMY OF MONKEYS

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

I've read the Narnia books several times, and I can never remember Caspian's plot. Upon viewing the movie, the reason for this became clear: the plot's rubbish. The film isn't rubbish, but it is the very definition of meh. Hopelessly average. Only Eddie Izzard as Reepicheep (and the bit where he stabs a guy in the eye very nearly being shown onscreen and making the whole cinema wince audibly) is worth noting.

Wall·E

Just glorious. I've covered this already, so I'll just praise the astonishing character animation, and the pleasing fact that it apes Firefly/Serenity in places (i.e. some of the action sequences being shot as if "real", with the camera panning around to find Wall·E before zooming in on him).

The Dark Knight

Again, covered this. I remember my body hurting at the end of the film, as my muscles had been tensed for so long. Gripping.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

A little disappointing, mainly due to the pre-release hype and early reviews. It felt like a character piece with the action sequences bolted on out of obligation, but it was fun and well-acted. Nice use of Travis's "All I Want to Do is Rock", too.

Changeling

Excellent. Top performance from Angelina Jolie, suitably restrained direction from Clint Eastwood, and possibly the only time I've seen John Malkovich act in a movie and not be a dreadful ham.

Overall, it's a toss-up between Wall·E and The Dark Knight for bestest film of the year.

Special bonus feature!
Stuff what came out this year but I saw on DVD/airline seatback telly rather than in the cinema reviewed dead fast

Cloverfield: miles better than I was expecting. Developed instant crush on the girl that Hud fancies.
The Forbidden Kingdom: highly entertaining and very late-80s-family-fantasy (this is a good thing). You can't argue with a film that casts Jet Li as the Monkey King.
Kung Fu Panda: unexpectedly brilliant and made me laugh out loud within the first two minutes. Looked good enough to lick.
The Incredible Hulk: okay, but ran out of steam about forty minutes from the end. Nice sly vein of humour.
I also saw the last fifty minutes or so of Iron Man, which seemed fairly good.

THE END, NOW GO HOME

An insight into the intriguing life of Samuel Bridgett

I intended to write a list of five really weird things I saw in Sainsbury's today, but I forgot all but number 1.

What was number 1, you ask?

Vibrating condoms.

Condoms that vibrate.

They had a little battery pack on the ring or lip or whatever you call it.

what

Also, I had one of the best dreams I ever had last night. Basically it started out as a fairly accurate version of Resident Evil: Extinction, with me as Milla Jovovich. Then I woke up and went to sleep again, and it sort of restarted, but I was me instead, in England. One of the movie's plot points is that the zombie virus has also killed off plantlife, turning the world into one big desert, but in my dream England was sort of half-hanging on to its green and pleasant self, and some resemblance of normality. I went to a Toys R Us at one point, and about half the customers were queuing up to pay for their stuff, because they wanted life to carry on as normal; and the other half were just shoplifting, because, hey, zombie apocalypse. Then it turned out that Australia was untouched, so I flew there with Milla and some friends, although when we got there the scenery was more like a cross between England and Canada. There were also a couple of pretty girls that I suspected of having a crush on me, one of which I think my subconscious based off this girl I met once in college, thought, "Wow, you're beautiful," then never saw again and have not thought about for a good four years. Then I can't remember what happened.
So, yeah. Doesn't sound that great when you write it down but it was immensely satisfying for some reason.

You read it...you can't un-read it!

Oh lordy

Oh lordy lordy loo

It had to happen some time, I guess.

Behold...

..the ULTIMATE BEANBAG!

PA in the hizouse

A couple of weeks ago, Penny Arcade celebrated its tenth birthday. I meant to mark the occasion, and forgot. So may I present (through links, as it's a heck of a lot easier), one strip for each year. Not necessarily the best, but good enough for readin'.

1998
1999
2000
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008

The future is now

Acting robots! Robot actors! Actobots! Ractors!

Reasons to be cheerful

1. New Wallace and Gromit for Christmas Day
2. Coraline (try "buttoneyes" and "stopmotion" as key words)
3. New series of Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe
4. Ten years of Penny Arcade. Ten years!

I twit, to who?

Cast your eyes right and down a bit, and worship at my Twitter feed. I am living in the future.

EDIT: Just spent an increasingly surreal ten minutes trying to stop the feed having two titles. It now has two "follow me on Twitter"s instead. I think this compromise will have to do.

Nice guys finish first

When I head off to foreign climes, I like to pick up at least one magazine or newspaper to see how they do such things in that part of the world. (This largely only applies to countries where English is prevalent, as the only other language I'm remotely adept in is French, and my French ain't great.) So when I was in Canada, I picked up a copy of a periodical that knows itself as GameInformer. Contained within its shiny shiny pages -

(I should break here to say I don't have any idea why I'm being so incredibly verbose and roundabout. It's that time of the month or something.)

- anyway, contained within its shiny shiny pages was a look round the offices of Valve. Valve are weird. Everything they make sells about one billion per second, and they dedicate themselves largely to a single genre. Surely they should be moneygrubbing, dribbling corporate clones? No, they seem like nice guys. They have fun. They made a "shipping machine" for The Orange Box - they decided just clicking a mouse wasn't grand enough to load the game onto Steam, so they built a giant mad scientist machine with flashing lights and a klaxon and levers to pull and a Big Red Button to hit in order to ship the game. Just for the heck of it.

And now they're offering their whole back catalogue for 70 quid, just to celebrate their new game. Nutters. They shouldn't work, and yet they do. And the gaming world is better for it.

More Coraline

There's a nifty little behind-the-scenes-and-interview-with-Neil-Gaiman video about Coraline up on his website. I was trying to embed the vid, but Blogger has apparently decided that allowing me to embed stuff is just, like so last month (I spent half an hour yesterday trying to coax YouTube vids on here and very nearly punched the screen in in frustration) so I'll just provide a link. Bah. Bah I say!

http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2008/11/mister-fuchs-and-his-flower.html

(It's right at the bottom)

Anyway, this has already become my most-wanted movie for 2009. Look at the fluidity of the characters' movements! Gorgeous.

(Also, is it just me or does Gaiman look a bit like David Thewlis?)

Woo

I'm in a good mood today.

We could be heroes

Watching Heroes at the moment is some of the most demented fun I've ever had sitting in front of the TV.

I loved the first series; the way it threw a whole bunch of disparate characters at you and gradually knitted them together, and the sense that they were ordinary people dealing with extraordinary circumstances was very well done.

The second series wasn't as bad as everyone made out, but it was kind of aimless. A sort of "we're doing this 'cos we have to" thing. Thankfully, the writers' strike causing them to have to jam about ten episodes' worth of plot into three episodes caused it to perk up at the end.

Now with series 3, the writers have gone mad with power. It's the only explanation. I can visualise them sitting round a table, pitching the most ridiculous, shamelessly over-the-top ideas they can think of, then throwing them all in at once.

It's brilliant.

They just showed episode 5 (of 22, I presume) last night on BBC 2. So far we've had the end of the world, a nuclear explosion taking out Costa Verde, secret brothers, secret triplets, one of the lead guys turning into Evil Spider-Man, characters hallucinating Malcolm McDowell, good guys turning bad, bad guys turning good, good guys turning bad then good then bad then good again, a bar brawl, several people getting killed very horribly, lingering close-ups of Hayden Panettiere's exposed brain in a scene that I chose to believe was paying deliberate homage to the second-series finale of the superb Farscape, a joke with a tortoise cheerfully ripping off The Simpsons, blatant misuse of time-travel causing several main characters to be killed multiple times, and a Buster Keaton film. And absolutely no sign of Peter's annoying girlfriend with the atrocious Irish accent.

Heroes was a better show overall back in series 1, but it's a heck of a lot more fun these days.

Little Dorrit

There's this great skit on one of Eddie Izzard's older DVDs where he imagines the meeting that led to young singer Arnold Dorsey being persuaded to take on a pseudonym by his manager.

"Cuthelbert Bushtywank, Fringleson Hoopdeflip, Engelbert Humperdinck, Slipteburt Scrotedewhip - "
"Hang on, hang on, go back one!"

I like to think that Charles Dickens had bits of paper with long lines of ridiculous-yet-brilliant names scratched out and one circled enthusiastically. There's always one in his books, and they're almost always evil. In Little Dorrit, it's Jeremiah Flintwinch, and oooh, he's evil.
The problem with Dickens adaptations is that it always takes forever to introduce everyone, and it's always a game of Spot The Face for two or three episodes before things calm down. Alun Armstrong, Ron Cook, Mark Williams and Tom Courtenay are all in this one, but they don't count because they're in everything. Armstrong is in everything so much, that he's actually in this twice - he's playing Jeremiah, and as it turns out he's got a twin named Ephraim (which is almost as good a name). Then we've got Sue Johnston, Matthew Macfayden, Maxine Peake, Freema "'ere it's Martha out of Doctor Who" Agyeman, James Fleet, and loads more to come yet if Wikipedia's cast list is telling truths. And Andy Serkis, who should be in everything.

One of the great things about Dickens is everyone is either a) a fairly well-sketched character, which allows some proper costume drama stiff-upper-lip acting or b) a bonkers caricature, which allows some validated scenery-chewing. The former so far appears to consist pretty much only of Macfayden and the excellent Claire Foy as the titular Amy, but they both acquit themselves well. Of the gleeful hamminess of everyone else, special mentions must go to Armstrong, who punctuates every third step with a vicious growl; Johnston, who summons her inner dormouse as Armstrong's wife; and Serkis, who plays a flamboyant, psychotic French murderer with a big fake nose and beard and flappy cape and does it the only way that is right and proper - with lots of exaggerated gestures and a glorious overdone accent.

Proper British telly, done the proper British way. Almost makes you want to put up with TV Licensing. (But not quite.)

They're not even a real country anyway

So, I am writing this post in Canada, being towards the end of an eleven-day holiday in Toronto.

I have learned the following things about Canada:

* They share the U.S.'s inexplicable love of not putting the cost of taxes on stuff until you take it up to the till, with the result that you're never sure how much something is going to be until you actually go to pay for it

* They have an odd definition of "ale" (most of them appear to be lagers)

* They love to recycle

* They enjoy slipping you U.S. 1 cent coins on the sly instead of Canadian 1 cent coins

* They enjoy American football, so it is actually enjoyed in more than one country

* They don't say "eh?" that much

Peanuts

Fifty-eight years ago today, the first ever Peanuts strip was published.

And the world became ninety-three percent more awesome.

Coraline

Okay, why have I never heard of this before?



Seriously Internet people, you're letting the side down here. I require knowledge of such things as soon as they exist. It is important for my well-being.

Thank you random browsing on Wikipedia

Avast!

In honour of International Talk Like A Pirate Day, I bring you my new favourite thing ever: ridiculous Scottish pirate power metal!



(The band's called Alestorm, if you're interested.)

Question of the day

Did Popeye really need to eat spinach? Even without it he was strong enough to squeeze a metal tin hard enough to make the lid pop off.

Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace, Track by Track

So here's something different - I picked up The Offspring's new album, Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace, a couple of weeks ago and I am going to offer an opinion on each track as some kind of crazy blog madness. WHILE STOCKS LAST!

(Pointless aside I must sneak in whenever discussing the Offspring - I'm part of the crowd providing the crowd vocals on "Neocon", the first track of Splinter. Check the CD inlay - Reading Festival, 2002. Sunday I think?)

Please note that I have listened to the first five tracks several times and the rest between one and five times prior to doing this. Not because of any particular bias, I just listen to CDs in a funny way.

Also, I just noticed there doesn't appear to be an underline option on Blogger. What the hell? Bold it is.

1. "Half-Truism"

Well, the opening guitar bit is "New Born" by Muse.
Oh, there's the drums, and we're off into more Offspringy waters.
First "woah-oh" identified at about 25 seconds. New record?
Into the chorus, and we're suddenly listening to Black Parade-era My Chemical Romance. Odd but quite good.
And back to basics for second verse. Shakespearean lyric reference noted (1.27) - bonus points.
Chorus again - yep, definitely My Chem-y.

Overall, pleasing to the ear. Randomly scabbing other bands obviously pays dividends.

2. "Trust in You"

Hey, it's The Standard Offspring Song! You know what this sounds like, it's been on all of their albums at least twice. Basically take "All I Want" and squiggle it a bit. It's still good.
Hang on, the chorus offers up some weird squeaky noise in the background. Keyboard? No mention of keyboards in the booklet. Strange. And now we have a dash of Latin for the heck of it. I have no idea what "Quo modo" means but it sounds quite good.
Seriously, this precise guitar chug should be patented or something.
There's a good bridge that's not a million miles from "Have You Ever". Agreeable.

So yeah, if you like the Offspring you automatically have to like this song because this is their definitive sound or whatever.

3. "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid"

(Side note: I had this stuck in my head for most of last week.)

You can sort of dance to this one. The "dance, fucker, dance" hook's brilliant and is the bit that really got lodged in my skull.
Pre-chorus is a bit odd. Odd appears to be a key word for this album.
Main chorus: the business. Love that little riff at the end.
Then rinse and repeat.

Overall: probably the best track on the album. Not quite top marks, but close.

4. "Hammerhead"

You've probably heard this one already, it's the first single and they released it as a free download. Oh Dexter, you'll never make your delicious money that way. OR WILL YOU?

Overall: quite good. Understandable single choice, but not the album's best.

5. "A Lot Like Me"

More like "A Lot Like Linkin Park", mirite lol. Actually this one's grown on me a fair bit - I have a soft spot for Mr. Bennington and his wacky gang of crazy fellows, which probably helps.
So, sampled piano at the beginning and "ohhhh" bit - seriously, every time I hear this it sounds more like something off Meteora.
Is this actually Dexter singing? It sounds a bit different.
Okay, Dexter's providing backing vocals for the pre-chorus. So I guess it's Noodles doing the lead vocal? I can't really see Greg K, The Silent Bassist, taking the mic.
Right, into the chorus, and that's Dexter. Wow, mixing it up. Up is down and black is white. Michael Jackson is now really confused. I should be shot for that last joke.
Anyway. Song. Song quite good. Lyrics hilariously overwrought, but it's enjoyable in a slightly cheesy way.

6. "Takes Me Nowhere"

Start sounds kind of like "One Fine Day", Part 2. Good way to start. Verse gets a thumbs-up.
Chorus, um, doesn't really. Sounds like they were going to do something interesting but couldn't make it work so they went with plan B. Is there a band called Plan B? There should be.

Overall: Good verse, indifferent chorus. S'alright.

7. "Kristy, Are You Doing Okay?"

Oh blimey, they're unplugged. I smell a ballad.
Yep, definitely a ballad. The Offspring do not do ballads! They are manly and play very fast.
Also, slowing down causes Dexter's vocals to get incredibly nasal. Not quite Jordan Pundik level, but not pleasant.
Hmm, yeah. Actually I'm not so down on this one, I know there's worse to come.
Hey, we've got some drums pinched from American Idiot coming in there with their thumpy-thump-thump.

Overall: cheesy and slightly painful, but bearable. Actually, this one ended up in my head for a couple of days too. Basically, don't listen to it when your cool friends with immaculate music taste are round and you'll be fine. It'll just be between us...

8. "Nothingtown"

The American Idiot vibe returns with a vengeance. This is basically the unused sixth part of "Homecoming". And I like "Homecoming", so we're good.
Yeah, you can dance to this. It's good stuff.

Overall: one of those ones that makes you grin. It so bouncy. We like. Who "we" are, me no know. Upbeat bassline has destroyed Sam's grammar. Sammar?

9. "Stuff is Messed Up"

I think this actually turned into a Green Day record when I wasn't looking, there's a hint of "Longview" about this intro. Not as good, mind.
This is The Snarky Song. The Offspring give good snarky. It's not their best, but it's acceptable.
I like the gleefully obnoxious tone of Dexter's voice when he sings "shit is fucked up". Also, that's the sort of ridiculous phrase I like in general. Screw you, semantics!
Here we have a Clash lyrical reference followed swiftly by what you could argue to be a Christina Aguilera lyrical reference (that's how I hear it, anyway).
Then we've got this great bit near the end where Dexter sings a long list really, really fast, and fits an "lol" into it. Approval rating: high!

Overall: gets better as it goes along. Well done, sirs.

10. "Fix You"

Oops, so much for the good work so far. Here we have another ballad, and it's fucking awful. And Dexter's even more nasal. If you're going to name a track after a Coldplay song, the least you could do is make it better than the original. Yeesh.

Overall: go away now. Possibly the worst song they've ever released. So rubbish I feel confident in making that last statement despite the fact I haven't actually heard their first two albums.

11. "Let's Hear it for Rock Bottom"

Tune's perky, slightest hint of ska. Christ, the first verse actually is Linkin Park. It even sounds like Chester Bennington singing it.
Ooh, that's better. Got a bit of energy there.
...No, gone again. WHAT'S GOING ON, DEXTER
Oh, back up again. What? This song's like two different ones mashed together.

Overall: um. Hard to call. Not offensive, but probably should've been better.

12. "Rise and Fall"

Green Day again? This time it sounds like something off Shenanigans, if rarities complations can have their own sound. No, actually, it sounds like "St. Jimmy", right down to some "ooo"s in the background. Actually, that guitar solo sounds a little "Ha Ha You're Dead".

Overall: totally a Green Day song. I like Green Day, so I like this.

Album overall: not their best, not their worst. Generally, the first half's topper and the second can vary wildly. Nice to hear some different influences in there, if a bit odd at times. See? "Odd". Sums it up quite nicely a lot of the time, actually.

I've been Samuel Bridgett, and this has been a waste of your precious time.

Proper writin'

Hey look, I appear to have become an intern for Absolutegadget.com.

Exciting times, fellows and ladies. Guess I should update my links...

Delicious moolah

Half-Blood Prince movie pushed back 'til next July

There's no major upsets in the editing suite or anything, the producers just thought they could make a bit more dosh with a summer release. 'Cos, you know, these films usually struggle to scrape a penny or two together.

Way to show pretty thorough contempt for your audience, guys. (I bet you if you go to see The Dark Knight tonight there'll still be a trailer advertising a November release.)

I've never liked this summer-movie mentality anyway. Plus, Potter films just seem to work better in the winter (probably because they invariably have a Christmas scene).

More purdy pictures

It's albums (and one EP, if you want to get picky) this time. Watch me go!

Daft Punk - Alive 2007 (2007)

It's really nice in an abstract FUTURE-IS-TIC way at first, then you flick through the booklet, see the live photos and realise it's actually a stylised picture of the stage set (the honourable robot gentlemen were positioned in that sort of gap in the central white pyramid, the red bars are the big pole things they had up and the blue triangles are the lighting rigs) and it becomes that much more awesome.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor - Raise Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven (2000)

Not much going on, but nice and simple. The CDs (it's a 2-disc album) are packaged in a sort of rough cardboard that goes rather well with the art. Gives it a bit of literal texture.

Muse - Origin of Symmetry (2001)

I like abstract cover art, what can I say? It sort of reminds me of rugby goals gone wrong.

Broken Social Scene - Broken Social Scene (2005)

I like ones that look like a four-year-old drew it, because it allows me to delude myself that I could be an artist. This probably should look rubbish, but for some reason it's really good. Conspiracies!

Jimmy Eat World - Chase This Light (2007)

This album has an art theme of fire - "light", I guess - with a lit match on the back cover and a phoenix on the CD itself. Took me bloody ages to realise that this peacock feather represents a flame (in fact, it mirrors the match on the back almost perfectly). Also phoenix feather concepts, I s'pose.

Radiohead - Kid A (2000)

Well, obviously. These days, the fires also remind me of the beacon bit from Return of the King, fact fans.

Gorillaz - Demon Days (2005)

Yes, it's the fifth billionth Beatles mick-take, but Jamie Hewlett did it so it's all right.

My Bloody Valentine - Loveless (1991)

It's the pinkest thing ever, and it took me months to realise it's actually a guitar rather than an abstract blob. Then it took me another couple of months to notice the band name's on there.

Arcade Fire - The Arcade Fire (2003)It's just really pretty.

My worldview is shattered...

...I kind of agree with Keith Vaz

Okay, so there's not much actual onscreen violence, but the repeated threats are pretty intense, and it's basically one huge downer from beginning to end. I wouldn't feel comfortable taking an 11-year-old to see it.

I can understand why they 12A-d it, though, if it was 15 the ushers'd be trying to hold back an oncoming flood of underage kids determined to get in.

(I seem to recall that the original 12 certificate was invented for the first Burton film, incidentally.)

The Bat Man

So, The Dark Knight...absolutely excellent stuff. Begins was pretty over-rated, but Nolan made good here. My dad commented it was more like a thriller than the typical action-heavy comic-book movie, and he was right. Much of it was literally nail-biting stuff.

One of the things I really liked about it was the action sequences - in Begins they felt thrown in out of expectation, as if the makers were obligated to put in a bit where stuff blows up but they really wanted to get back to the character drama. This time round all the explosions felt like they should be there, and it made a lot of difference. Even when Bats was zooming around on his ridiculous seat-and-guns-on-wheels thing, it didn't look that daft and unnecessary. Impressive.

There's no doubting who the movie belonged to, though. Heath Ledger, quite frankly, scared the crap out of me. I was terrified whenever he was onscreen because I literally had no idea what he was going to do next. Probably the scariest character I've ever seen in a movie (disregarding the fact I don't tend to watch horror movies). Everyone else was exemplary, too, especially Aaron Eckhart. Christ, that makeup.

It was a summer blockbuster movie that ignored all the rules of summer blockbuster movies (I can't elaborate for fear of ruining the plot), which seems fitting. Essential viewing.

More game-rating wittering

They still can't make their minds up. I remain trenchant in my belief that the best and easiest thing to do is give all games BBFC ratings - people recognise and understand them instantly, and they're much more sensible than the PEGI nonsense ("Warning! Contains spiders!").

(Having said that, I remember being quite surprised that Resi 4 got a 15 rating and not an 18.)

Today's excellent thing:

Scott Pilgrim cosplay.



If you don't know what's going on, you're not cool. There, I said it.

Of princes and divisible blood

So, it appears the new Harry Potter trailer has been heartily splattered over t'net.



I like it. Phoenix managed the rather odd feat of making the magic world seem kind of unextraordinary and prosaic - I'm not saying I didn't enjoy the film, but it wasn't the best. (To be honest, in my view Goblet of Fire remains the only one of the lot to actually work as a good film in its own right, rather than a passable adaptation of a book.) Anyway, this slightly strange ability of returning director David Yates should work very nicely for this film. The flashbacks were by far the most interesting part of the book for me (it was my second-favourite tome of the series, after Azkaban, fact fans), and his particular touch of the grey and authoritarian should hopefully hit just the right note for 'em.

Plus, Jim Broadbent's in it. And Jim Broadbent's great.

I love counting

This is possibly the best thing I've ever seen.

When satire fails

Coming straight into the "you couldn't make it up" theme, a tour company's planning a package designed around fraudster-canoeist-type John Darwin's travels and travails. Satire does not know what to do with itself.

I still find it highly amusing that they're called Darwin yet displayed a singular lack of human intelligence.

This is my island in the sun

I totally want to produce a great bit of blogging - a monumentous piece of prose that will echo through the ages and will have wizened old 'net-heads nodding sagely eighty years from now. "Ah yes," they will say, "that was a great and noble time for blogging."

Unfortunately, it's too bloody hot and clammy and my brain's given up. To prove it, I just tried to spell "bloody" with two "d"s. It's like in the Beano when they have a heatwave and the streetlights start melting.

Having said that, I wouldn't mind a go on Billy's Whizzer right now. It's not even as rude as it sounds, it's a ride at the Beanoland bit of Chessington World of Adventures. It's a waveswinger (those things where you sit in a single chair suspended by chains and it spins around a bit) that squirts water at you, and it's absolutely the best thing in the world on a hot day.

I should additionally point out it's nearly 10pm at the time of writing. I really do not cope with the summer at all. I should move to Alaska or something.

I saw on Smithy's blog (Holy Calamity, over there to the right) that some people don't like Jamie Hewlett's glorious Monkey idents on the BBC for the Olympics. This is because people are idiots. It scares me that these are the people together enough to successfully leave comments on a website. I shudder at the thought of the real reactionary, backwards-thinking people in their armchairs across the land, who haven't worked out how to get their messages of bile and idiocy to a wider world. "Stupid moving drawing things, where's Britannia punching the foreign devils in the face?" Ugggggh.

Right, I give up. To leave things on a lighter note, here's a hot girl in her underwear.

...Hey, you can totally see her nipples. I didn't notice that before.

Walllllllllllllll-e

So, I saw that movie with the robot in it last night. It was agreeable to eyes and mind.

I won't go into lengthy details for those of you who haven't seen it, but I must praise, laud and generally proclaim the greatness of the character animators. Body language is key to a good cartoon, and when you've given three-quarters of your cast the inability to speak more than three legible words then you're setting yourself up for quite a potential fall.

While Wall-E is ultra-expressive, he's got plenty of moving bits and bobs to help his comedic flailing along. The really impressive bit is the love interest, Eve.

They didn't give themselves much to work with, but every emotion comes across as clear as a bell - joy, fear, resigned irritation. She is, frankly, a work of animation art.

That's all I'll say, other than "go see it". Because you should go see it.

(Oh, and Wall-E's pet cockroach, whom I christened Gavin in honour of Strong Bad's associate, also deserves many props. Bet you never thought you'd find a cockroach cute.)

(And one more thing - make sure you're in time to see the traditional 5-minute opening short. It's another silent piece, called Presto, detailing the battle of wills between a magician and his rabbit. It's in the Looney Tunes style of ridiculous slapstick, and it's wonderful. Chuck Jones would be proud.)

Ōkami

A few weeks ago I purchased Ōkami on the PS2 second-hand. It's absolutely phenomenal.

That's an in-game shot. You should see it moving.

It's basically Capcom's take on Zelda, except starring a white wolf who is also a reincarnation of Amaterasu, the sun god of the Shinto religion. It's styled like a moving Japanese watercolour painting, and you paint on the screen yourself to perform your godly powers.

It's the sort of game that makes you wonder why you bother playing second-rate ones. It reminds me of Pikmin 2 in the way it hammered home everything computer games can be if they tried.

Needless to say, the people who decry gaming haven't seen the right games.

Judging like beggary

I like books. One of the things I like about books is the covers, and how one book can have dozens of different images slapped on its front. Apropros of nothing, here's a few faves.Can't really find an image that captures the particular shade of red, annoyingly. Still, it's great. Took me ages to notice the dot on the "i" in "Takami" is a little cartoon bomb.

Most of the Murakami covers done by Vintage for the UK copies are ace, but I especially like this one because I am all about the minimalism. The US covers are generally top-notch, too, but I'm just doing one per author here.I also like the one that's just a glass of milk (Penguin Classics?), but this is so much more Sixties. Plus, my dad's copy of the book is this one, and it's the first copy of it I saw, so association. (My copy is from The Independent's "Banned Books" promo thingy of a year or two back, and is orange with a screaming guy straining against a chain stretched across his face. Okay, but a bit obvious.)One of my favourite conceits is the "use a classic painting that isn't directly anything to do with the book but shares themes" idea, ably illustrated by this pairing of that painting I can't remember the name of (Experiment with a Bell-Jar? Something like that?) by a painter I can't remember the name of, and that book where the guy makes a monster or something. This was the copy of the book I owned until I actually read it and discovered it to be the third-most boring book I'd ever read. (The second was Pride & Prejudice and the first was Persuasion, so clearly I am an unenlightened philistine. I liked Northanger Abbey, though.)

Just lovely. I thought it was just waves under the boat when I first saw it.

Well, obviously. This picture seems to have a darker, more detailed tint than my copy, oddly - mine's very much block primary colours, which I like as an offset to the realistic style within.