38. WarioWare:
Twisted!
Developers: Nintendo SPD Group No. 1, Intelligent
Systems
Publisher: Nintendo
Year: 2005 in USA
Format: Game Boy Advance
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Top 50 Games - #39
Apologies for the fact that any sort of update schedule has been unceremoniously chucked out the window. I'm in the midst of attempting to move house, and having to look after my infant niece quite often in the mornings (I work afternoon/evenings). So...yeah.
39. Super
Smash Bros. Brawl
Developers: Sora, Game Arts, a few other
people they grabbed off the street
Publisher: Nintendo
Year: 2008
Format: Wii
Friday, September 07, 2012
Top 50 Games - #40
40. Crackdown
Developer: Realtime Worlds
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
Year: 2007
Format: Xbox 360
Monday, September 03, 2012
Top 50 Games - #41
41. Beyond
Good & Evil
Developer: Ubisoft Montpellier
Publisher: Ubisoft
Year: 2004
Format: GameCube, PC, PlayStation 2,
Xbox
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Top 50 Games - #42
42. The
House of the Dead 2
Developer: AM1
Publisher: Sega
Year: 1999
Format: Dreamcast, Arcade, PC
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Top 50 Games - #43
43. Pikmin
2
Developer: Nintendo EAD
Publisher: Nintendo
Year: 2004
Format: GameCube
Monday, August 27, 2012
Top 50 Games - #44
44. Resident
Evil
Developer: Capcom Production Studio 4
Publisher: Capcom
Year: 2002
Format: GameCube
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Top 50 Games - #45
45. killer7
Developer: Grasshopper Manufacture
Publisher: Capcom
Year: 2005
Format: GameCube, PlayStation 2
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Top 50 Games - #46
46. Fur
Fighters
Developer: Bizarre Creations
Publisher: Acclaim
Year: 2000
Format: Dreamcast, PC
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Top 50 Games - #47
47. Eternal
Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem
Developer: Silicon Knights
Publisher: Nintendo
Year: 2002
Format: GameCube
Monday, August 20, 2012
Top 50 Games - #48
Check it, I've worked out how to put breaks in. INTERNET WOO
48. Soul Calibur
Developer:
Namco
Publisher:
Namco
Year: 1999
Format:
Dreamcast, Arcade
Friday, August 17, 2012
Top 50 Games - #49
49. Red
Faction: Guerrilla
Developer:
Volition
Publisher:
THQ
Year: 2009
Format: Xbox
360, PC, PlayStation 3
Most of the
games on this list are things of elegance.
They demonstrate superior design, rabid originality, refinement and
class. Red Faction: Guerrilla is not one of these games. Red
Faction: Guerrilla wants shit to blow the fuck up.
Guerrilla
is the third in the Red Faction
series. The first two were first-person
shooters on the PlayStation 2, PC and Xbox.
I haven’t played them. I’m not
convinced that anyone’s played them. The
cornerstone (pun kind of intended) to the Red
Faction series is destruction. The
first two games were on systems that couldn’t handle what the developers
wanted. But come the Xbox 360 and
PlayStation 3, the tech was there for stuff to go boom.
Guerrilla
breaks from its predecessors by swapping into a third-person, open-world
format. (One of the admirable things
about the series is Volition’s willingness to completely change the game style
– the fourth game, Armageddon,
switched things up again to a linear shooter a la Gears of War and company.
And there was also a spinoff between games 3 and 4 that was entirely
vehicle-based, although apparently that was a bit pants.) The plot, such as it is, sees you as builder
Alec Mason (DO YOU SEE WHAT THEY DID THERE DO YOU) drawn into an attempt to
free Mars from the military chokehold of Earth forces and give the planet a
fresh start. You do this by breaking
things.
Guerrilla
is entirely a showcase for GeoMod 2.0 – an engine that allows unrivalled levels
of physics-based destruction. Every
building in the game can be destroyed, and it’s all carried out the way you
would in real life. Walls shatter before
steel beams buckle. You can take out a
building in one go with a well-aimed sledgehammer swipe at a load-bearing
area. Use an explosive and bits of
wreckage fly through the air and smash through other buildings. No piece of cover is entirely safe, as it too
could be destroyed.
It’s astonishing. Allegedly, Volition had to hire some real
proper architects as the engine was so true-to-life that some of the more
outlandish sci-fi structures they’d come up with wouldn’t take their own weight
and would collapse as soon as they were coded into the game. And it makes the primary act of the game –
its core, its USP, its very raison d’être
– exactly as enjoyable the five hundredth time as it is the first. Smashing stuff up simply never gets old. And the toolset you get for smashing up said
stuff is highly pleasing. Mason’s never
without his trusty sledgehammer, and the limpet mines you get right from the
start – chuck ‘em on to something, detonate ‘em when you feel like it – are so
pleasing they’re unlikely to ever get left out of your inventory. (Extra sadist points – stick a mine to an
enemy soldier and cackle as they run around in a panic.) Going up through typical weapons through to
oddities like the electricity-shooting arc welder, sawblade-spitting grinder or
the enforcer, with its homing bullets, is great fun.
And great fun is basically what this game is
about. It’s not deep and meaningful, and
it’s not trying to be deep and meaningful.
It just wants to entertain you.
When it gets it right, it’s like playing a cheerfully dumb action movie
from the ‘80s or ‘90s – probably starring Stallone or Schwarzenegger – and is
exactly as enjoyable as you’d hope. (You
even get a jetpack near the end. And
occasionally you get to run around in a big mech suit smashing things just by
waving its arms about.) Admittedly, it
doesn’t always get it right: some missions are annoying, the last one in
particular, and quite a lot of the sidequests are a bit rubbish. But the good bits are so good that it doesn’t
really matter. Plus, it’s an
American-made game from 2009 where you play as a heroic terrorist with distinct
Communist undertones. How likely is
that?
MAGIC
MOMENT: The mission that ends the second chapter, where you have to evacuate a
town before the troops arrive, is breathlessly exciting.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Top 50 Games - #50
Right, here we go. I wanted to get a decent backlog before I actually started posting these.
DA RULES
All publisher info, release dates etcetera refers to the European version of the game. 'Cos I live in Europe and buy European games.
For "format", I list the version I actually own first then the others in alphabetical order. I haven't bothered to list every single machine you can get each game on 'cos with some games we'd be here all day - I've just noted the ones that the game was initially released on. So there's no "Xbox 360" for Sonic 1 or whatever.
This is 100% personal preference, regardless of the game's objective quality, to such extent as objective quality exists. So there.
The longlist is actually a couple of months old now so if I wrote one today it might be slightly different but whatever.
it begins
50.
Psychonauts
Developer:
Double Fine
Publisher: THQ
Year: 2005
Format:
PlayStation 2, Xbox, PC
No matter
how generic and unadventurous gaming gets, there’ll always be a Tim Schafer or
two. In 2005, we were just coming out of
the stealth game boom and warming up for the rhythm-action takeover. Schafer’s Double Fine, meanwhile, were
unleashing their first game – a free-roaming platformer with adventure
elements. Set at a summer camp designed
to train psychic children. Psychonauts tells the unlikely tale of
Raz, a young acrobat with considerable mind-manipulation skills. Running away from the circus and attending
Whispering Rock Summer Camp to hone his talents and achieve his dream of
becoming a psychonaut – a secret agent who can delve into others’ minds – he
instead stumbles across a fiendish plot to steal his campmates’ brains. As you do.
The game lets you wander across Whispering
Rock at will, taking the Zelda-style
method of letting you enter one level at a time and locking off areas until you
get the requisite ability to open ‘em up.
Once you actually go into a level, it’s a more straightforward 3D
platform affair. But that’s where the
“straightforward” bit ends, because the levels are, as you’d expect from the
plot synopsis, set inside people’s minds.
And good heavens do Double Fine take this idea and run with it as far as
it’ll go. Levels wrap around themselves,
so you’re running on the floor, and suddenly the floor’s the wall, and then
it’s the ceiling. You sort out literal
“emotional baggage” – crying pieces of luggage – by finding its lost address
labels. The people whose brains you’re
running through might appear as themselves, or as a giant bull laden with
symbolism. There’s a secret room in one
brain-level that completely re-evaluates one of Raz’s teachers – I won’t say
more, but it adds a huge amount of depth to the character and is arguably the
game’s most startling, affecting and thought-provoking moment. And you could quite easily go through the
whole thing not knowing it’s there!
It’s the wealth of detail that makes Psychonauts, really. The way that late in the game you get the
ability to see through other characters’ eyes, so you can see how they view the
world. The pile of extra bits and pieces
to find. How Double Fine manage to come
up with legitimate justifications for a couple of platforming’s most enduring
bits of silliness – Raz can double-jump by telekinesis, and can’t enter water
because his family are labouring under a curse that says they will all die by
drowning, meaning that he becomes paralyzed with fear and imagines a hand
coming up out of the water to grab him if you get too close.
The only major fault of the game is
difficulty spikes – most people agree that the final level, the Meat Circus, is
too hard. Personally I didn’t have any
major problems with it. Instead, I got
stuck on a boss fight barely halfway through the game – if I hadn’t found a
toggleable invincibility cheat, I would’ve given up altogether. Important note for game designers there –
always provide an out. If it hadn’t been
for that cheat, I wouldn’t have got through the game, and it wouldn’t have
taken its rightful place on this list.
MAGIC
MOMENT: the utter genius of the level The Milkman Conspiracy. Set in the mind of a near-catatonic
conspiracy theorist, it presents a twisted view of suburbia where the streets
twirl into loops and the classic mysterious men in hats and long coats are
everywhere – except they’re trying to disguise themselves as members of the
community. And they’re absolutely
terrible at it. It’s completely
hilarious.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Watch this space
This one, right here.
There, that one. <-----
Yeah, anyway. At some point in the near future, this blog will host my Top 50 Games Ever. Because it's something to do. And it'll provide some much-needed practice for my writing skills, which have got somewhat rusty due to the fact I haven't had any professional writing work for the best part of a year.
(Hi, Mr/Ms Writing Job Person! You should totally hire me! I can almost guarantee wacky hijinks! Or at the very least punctually-filed copy!)
That's all for now. MESSAGE ENDS
There, that one. <-----
Yeah, anyway. At some point in the near future, this blog will host my Top 50 Games Ever. Because it's something to do. And it'll provide some much-needed practice for my writing skills, which have got somewhat rusty due to the fact I haven't had any professional writing work for the best part of a year.
(Hi, Mr/Ms Writing Job Person! You should totally hire me! I can almost guarantee wacky hijinks! Or at the very least punctually-filed copy!)
That's all for now. MESSAGE ENDS
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
There's a-doin's a-transpirin'
I've just dived into the mysterious new world of Kickstarter to help fund Carmageddon: Reincarnation. I'm a little leery of whether Kickstarter's the bold new future that some people have been claiming, but Carmageddon II remains one of my all-time favourite things of any sort and I couldn't resist the chance of a new one.
I hope they put in that forklift that was converted into a mobile guillotine. I liked that.
I hope they put in that forklift that was converted into a mobile guillotine. I liked that.
Friday, March 02, 2012
Observation
I was just in Oxfam, and I saw that at some point someone made a direct-to-video sequel to The Fly, called The Fly II.
I'm very disappointed they didn't call it Fly Harder.
*bu-dum tsssh*
I'm very disappointed they didn't call it Fly Harder.
*bu-dum tsssh*
Monday, February 13, 2012
Deep pockets, 007
I was just playing the GoldenEye Reloaded demo on los Xbox - rather enjoyed it, I'd heard it was rubbish. (Although my enjoyment might be partly because I only played the N64 original for about two minutes fourteen years ago, so I didn't really have anything to compare it to.)
But something that amused me was that I got genuinely confused for a minute by the fact that Bondface could pick up more than two guns at once. Like, whoah. That odd little mechanic introduced by Halo has got so pervasive that it didn't occur to me that a recent major FPS release might not use it. I don't even like the mechanic! And yet I was startled by its omission.
It reminded me of the nice article in the Observer yesterday by Lucy Prebble - she pointed out that when playing L.A. Noire she was surprised by the fact that the player character, a cop in '40s Los Angeles, isn't corrupt and the game doesn't want you to play him in a corrupt way. It's a sign of how some tropes and concepts get so deeply ingrained for one reason or another that it's quite shocking when they're deliberately not used.
On a not-really-related note, I gave the Asura's Wrath demo a whirl too. Bit of a nutty game, eh? I'd like to have the ability to spontaneously grow four extra arms when I get really angry, mind.
But something that amused me was that I got genuinely confused for a minute by the fact that Bondface could pick up more than two guns at once. Like, whoah. That odd little mechanic introduced by Halo has got so pervasive that it didn't occur to me that a recent major FPS release might not use it. I don't even like the mechanic! And yet I was startled by its omission.
It reminded me of the nice article in the Observer yesterday by Lucy Prebble - she pointed out that when playing L.A. Noire she was surprised by the fact that the player character, a cop in '40s Los Angeles, isn't corrupt and the game doesn't want you to play him in a corrupt way. It's a sign of how some tropes and concepts get so deeply ingrained for one reason or another that it's quite shocking when they're deliberately not used.
On a not-really-related note, I gave the Asura's Wrath demo a whirl too. Bit of a nutty game, eh? I'd like to have the ability to spontaneously grow four extra arms when I get really angry, mind.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Oh look I remembered I had a blog
So about this time last year I was commenting on Duke Nukem 3D's astonishing cheapness. Well, today I hopped over to GoodOldGames.com and downloaded me a bit of Blood, very much a brother in spirit to Duke (used the same engine, had a similar feel and style, and in fact finding that Wikipedia article has revealed to me that it was co-made by Duke creators 3D Realms, which I didn't realise) - it's a game I have fond memories of playing round a friend's house.
And good heavens, it is even more shameless than Duke. It wants you dead every step of the way, even on the easiest difficulty. To give you an idea, the baseline enemy - the first you encounter, and the commonest - is a zombie with an axe, and may very well get up again shortly after you thought you killed it. I was getting thoroughly mullered for a while before working that one out. It's remarkable how much gaming has become more user-friendly in the last ten to fifteen years. And frankly, I much prefer it.
In completely unrelated news, my current film-based obsession appears to be Tangled. Watched it once, thought "yeah, decent film". Fancied watching it again, did, thought "actually, this is brilliant. I'ma buy it". And now I basically want to watch it over and over again all the time forever. It's great. It's so fun and so pretty. And Rapunzel and Flynn are easily the best leading Disney couple for years - since Belle and the Beast, I'd say. Obviously lessons were learnt from The Princess and the Frog's rather dull stars. (Well, Naveen was alright.)
Also, best horse ever.
That's all. You can stop reading now.
And good heavens, it is even more shameless than Duke. It wants you dead every step of the way, even on the easiest difficulty. To give you an idea, the baseline enemy - the first you encounter, and the commonest - is a zombie with an axe, and may very well get up again shortly after you thought you killed it. I was getting thoroughly mullered for a while before working that one out. It's remarkable how much gaming has become more user-friendly in the last ten to fifteen years. And frankly, I much prefer it.
In completely unrelated news, my current film-based obsession appears to be Tangled. Watched it once, thought "yeah, decent film". Fancied watching it again, did, thought "actually, this is brilliant. I'ma buy it". And now I basically want to watch it over and over again all the time forever. It's great. It's so fun and so pretty. And Rapunzel and Flynn are easily the best leading Disney couple for years - since Belle and the Beast, I'd say. Obviously lessons were learnt from The Princess and the Frog's rather dull stars. (Well, Naveen was alright.)
Also, best horse ever.
That's all. You can stop reading now.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Words on the Internet
Following on from my last post, I think Phineas and Ferb might actually be my favourite show on telly at the moment. It is literally the only programme I have watched this week with the exception of the new episodes of Futurama that were on last night.
(Technically I'm also watching Battlestar Galactica but I've got about five weeks behind on that somehow. All the episodes are sitting there on my Sky+ box waiting to be watched. And on that note, when does the show get really good? Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying it, but at this point - about a third of the way through season 3 - I'm still trying to work out why everyone went ballistic over how good it was. It's a good show, but it's not that good. So I'm wondering if it suddenly kicks it up the proverbial notch at some point. Possibly the fact that I already know the Big Twist over what time period it's actually set in has partially ruined it for me?)
Aaaanyway, to go back to my original point, Phineas and Ferb is great. It looks nice, it's funny, it encourages all sorts of positive behaviour in the younglings without being preachy or worthy, the musical numbers are brilliant ("rubber bands, rubber balls...") and all the characters are worth spending time with. I read somewhere that one of the creators said one of the show's rules is "No stupid characters or jerks" - I guess Candace is kind of a jerk sometimes but she's still basically likable at points - and this is genuinely quite refreshing. Also, Richard O'Brien's in it. What more could you want? There's some episodes up on YouTube, check 'em out.
(Technically I'm also watching Battlestar Galactica but I've got about five weeks behind on that somehow. All the episodes are sitting there on my Sky+ box waiting to be watched. And on that note, when does the show get really good? Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying it, but at this point - about a third of the way through season 3 - I'm still trying to work out why everyone went ballistic over how good it was. It's a good show, but it's not that good. So I'm wondering if it suddenly kicks it up the proverbial notch at some point. Possibly the fact that I already know the Big Twist over what time period it's actually set in has partially ruined it for me?)
Aaaanyway, to go back to my original point, Phineas and Ferb is great. It looks nice, it's funny, it encourages all sorts of positive behaviour in the younglings without being preachy or worthy, the musical numbers are brilliant ("rubber bands, rubber balls...") and all the characters are worth spending time with. I read somewhere that one of the creators said one of the show's rules is "No stupid characters or jerks" - I guess Candace is kind of a jerk sometimes but she's still basically likable at points - and this is genuinely quite refreshing. Also, Richard O'Brien's in it. What more could you want? There's some episodes up on YouTube, check 'em out.
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Apparently I should change the title of this blog to "TV Theme Songs Currently Stuck in My Head"
Today it's this one. Hey, at least it's not a Japanese one so I can actually understand what they're singing about.
I just finished Super Mario Galaxy 2 this morning (well, by "finished" I mean "beat the final boss", not "got all the power stars") and I really don't get why the guys who make these games can craft fantastic, fantastic platformers and then completely fuck it up on the bosses. Both Galaxys have a few decent bosses, but most of them are shit. And the shit ones are invariably the ones you have to fight multiple times because they couldn't be arsed to think up some new ones. I don't get it.
(Actually, as a rule I don't much like boss fights anyway and would be just as happy if they weren't there, but even so.)
I just finished Super Mario Galaxy 2 this morning (well, by "finished" I mean "beat the final boss", not "got all the power stars") and I really don't get why the guys who make these games can craft fantastic, fantastic platformers and then completely fuck it up on the bosses. Both Galaxys have a few decent bosses, but most of them are shit. And the shit ones are invariably the ones you have to fight multiple times because they couldn't be arsed to think up some new ones. I don't get it.
(Actually, as a rule I don't much like boss fights anyway and would be just as happy if they weren't there, but even so.)
Sunday, July 24, 2011
The latest anime theme song to get stuck in my head
Is this one.
So yeah.
Also, in Fallout 3, I accidentally made the bloke who helps you nuke Megaton run away. So now I'm trying to play through with Neutral karma instead. Go figure.
So yeah.
Also, in Fallout 3, I accidentally made the bloke who helps you nuke Megaton run away. So now I'm trying to play through with Neutral karma instead. Go figure.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
You've tried to lose Karma! And failed miserably!
I've started a second playthrough of Fallout 3, which continues to delight and dazzle with its joyful brilliance. But it's all gone a bit pear-shaped.
My first playthrough was on the Very Good side of the Karma meter. I was lauded far and wide, people ran up to me to give me stuff for free, etcetera. So this time I thought I'd be a villainous villain and go Very Bad. I've even come up with a reasonable in-game excuse: I've made my character Asian in appearance, the little meta-narration in my head explaining that she's from a dynasty of cunning Chinese spies.
That sounds kind of racist. I should explain that in Fallout's backstory, the world has been reduced to a crispy post-nuclear wasteland as a result of a bit of argy-bargy between the U.S. and China. So the idea is that my girl (who I've named Ziyi in honour of Zhang Ziyi because a) she was the first Chinese woman I thought of and b) I really fancy her) is the latest in a long line of craftily planted agents designed to keep on screwing Americans over long after the war. Hence, villainy.
Annnnnyway, it ain't happening. I'm on level 5 or 6 and still on the Good side of the meter. I'm finding it genuinely hard to be a bastard. The worst thing I've done is told Bryan Wilkes, the little kid who kicks off the "Those!" quest (the one with the giant fire-spitting ants) to naff off and stop bothering me. And I would've done that anyway 'cos "Those!" is a really annoying quest and I vowed never to do it again after my first playthrough. And I gave Three-Dog a bit of lip, but since that was after I already helped him out with repairing his radio broadcasts it didn't do much. I did try to nick some of his stuff while he was sleeping, but he woke up, took the stuff back and then instantly went back to sleep again. Git.
So yeah, I apparently don't have it in me to be a wanker. Actually, this is a thing about Fallout which is one of the reasons I love it so much: there aren't enough games that let you be nice. Most open-world, "do anything" games translate "do anything" as "shoot anyone". (Hi, Grand Theft Auto!) It's kind of the standard response in gaming, so to come across a game where you can persuade people not to fight you and give up the vital keycard or whatever willingly is so refreshing that I find it hard not to choose that option. (On a smaller scale, the fact that in Bully you can wander around giving people thumbs-ups and compliments always delights me.)
I am going to try and kick off in Fallout 3 though, honest. I'ma nuke Megaton and everything. Although I need to get my lockpick skill up high enough to rob Sheriff Simms' house and find the Bobblehead that's apparently in there first. Then I'ma nuke it.
Although actually, now that I think about it, another reason I'm holding off on the bastardry is that I don't want to disappoint my in-game dad. Because he's Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson. You don't let Liam Neeson down, for heaven's sake, he's a talking Jesus-allegory lion Jedi that leads the A-Team. And I think he had a beer with Homer Simpson once.
I guess I'm going to have to keep reminding myself that the game's main bad guy is Malcolm McDowell. I'm not betraying Liam Neeson, I'm teaming up with Malcolm McDowell! No jury would convict me.
My first playthrough was on the Very Good side of the Karma meter. I was lauded far and wide, people ran up to me to give me stuff for free, etcetera. So this time I thought I'd be a villainous villain and go Very Bad. I've even come up with a reasonable in-game excuse: I've made my character Asian in appearance, the little meta-narration in my head explaining that she's from a dynasty of cunning Chinese spies.
That sounds kind of racist. I should explain that in Fallout's backstory, the world has been reduced to a crispy post-nuclear wasteland as a result of a bit of argy-bargy between the U.S. and China. So the idea is that my girl (who I've named Ziyi in honour of Zhang Ziyi because a) she was the first Chinese woman I thought of and b) I really fancy her) is the latest in a long line of craftily planted agents designed to keep on screwing Americans over long after the war. Hence, villainy.
Annnnnyway, it ain't happening. I'm on level 5 or 6 and still on the Good side of the meter. I'm finding it genuinely hard to be a bastard. The worst thing I've done is told Bryan Wilkes, the little kid who kicks off the "Those!" quest (the one with the giant fire-spitting ants) to naff off and stop bothering me. And I would've done that anyway 'cos "Those!" is a really annoying quest and I vowed never to do it again after my first playthrough. And I gave Three-Dog a bit of lip, but since that was after I already helped him out with repairing his radio broadcasts it didn't do much. I did try to nick some of his stuff while he was sleeping, but he woke up, took the stuff back and then instantly went back to sleep again. Git.
So yeah, I apparently don't have it in me to be a wanker. Actually, this is a thing about Fallout which is one of the reasons I love it so much: there aren't enough games that let you be nice. Most open-world, "do anything" games translate "do anything" as "shoot anyone". (Hi, Grand Theft Auto!) It's kind of the standard response in gaming, so to come across a game where you can persuade people not to fight you and give up the vital keycard or whatever willingly is so refreshing that I find it hard not to choose that option. (On a smaller scale, the fact that in Bully you can wander around giving people thumbs-ups and compliments always delights me.)
I am going to try and kick off in Fallout 3 though, honest. I'ma nuke Megaton and everything. Although I need to get my lockpick skill up high enough to rob Sheriff Simms' house and find the Bobblehead that's apparently in there first. Then I'ma nuke it.
Although actually, now that I think about it, another reason I'm holding off on the bastardry is that I don't want to disappoint my in-game dad. Because he's Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson. You don't let Liam Neeson down, for heaven's sake, he's a talking Jesus-allegory lion Jedi that leads the A-Team. And I think he had a beer with Homer Simpson once.
I guess I'm going to have to keep reminding myself that the game's main bad guy is Malcolm McDowell. I'm not betraying Liam Neeson, I'm teaming up with Malcolm McDowell! No jury would convict me.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Slightly Irritated Max
So to follow up my last post, I watched Mad Max and it's rubbish. He doesn't even get mad until the last twenty minutes of the film! And half of those twenty minutes consist of him driving round trying to find people to be mad at. Piffle.
In not-at-all related news, I'm currently reading David Mitchell's The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet. It's set in 1799, and there's an intimation at one point that one of the minor characters is a distant ancestor of Eiji Miyake, the protagonist of another one of Mitchell's books, number9dream. I love it when authors do that. (And yes, before you ask, I do read quite a lot of Stephen King. But not Michael Moorcock. I've never actually read any of his stuff. I guess I ought to at some point.)
That sure was a blog post!
In not-at-all related news, I'm currently reading David Mitchell's The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet. It's set in 1799, and there's an intimation at one point that one of the minor characters is a distant ancestor of Eiji Miyake, the protagonist of another one of Mitchell's books, number9dream. I love it when authors do that. (And yes, before you ask, I do read quite a lot of Stephen King. But not Michael Moorcock. I've never actually read any of his stuff. I guess I ought to at some point.)
That sure was a blog post!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Charidee, mate
I love charity shops. Today's purchases:
The Twilight Watch and The Last Watch, books three and four in Sergei Lukyanenko's Night Watch tetralogy (side note: according to Wikipedia, the first usage of "quadrilogy" dates from 1865) = £2.50 for the pair
Mad Max = 49p on video
Lastly, and most importantly, RollerCoaster Tycoon = £1.99. I actually saw this a few days ago, and figured it wouldn't work on my current PC (the box only specifies Windows 95 or 98, not XP). I decided to get it anyway, and it motherfucking works
Hells yes
One of my all-time favourite games, back with me at last
Charity shops, motherfuckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
The Twilight Watch and The Last Watch, books three and four in Sergei Lukyanenko's Night Watch tetralogy (side note: according to Wikipedia, the first usage of "quadrilogy" dates from 1865) = £2.50 for the pair
Mad Max = 49p on video
Lastly, and most importantly, RollerCoaster Tycoon = £1.99. I actually saw this a few days ago, and figured it wouldn't work on my current PC (the box only specifies Windows 95 or 98, not XP). I decided to get it anyway, and it motherfucking works
Hells yes
One of my all-time favourite games, back with me at last
Charity shops, motherfuckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Friday, June 10, 2011
Bubblegum: located
Guys, guys.
Duke Nukem Forever is out today. It's actually out. Fourteen years late.
I meant to go into town and have a look at it on shop shelves but I forgot. Nae matter.
'Course, the next question is "is it actually any good?"
Duke Nukem Forever is out today. It's actually out. Fourteen years late.
I meant to go into town and have a look at it on shop shelves but I forgot. Nae matter.
'Course, the next question is "is it actually any good?"
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Well Mr. Burns had done it
The power plant had won it
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while
Mike Scotia's tragic illness made us smile
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the bar-room tile...
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while
Mike Scotia's tragic illness made us smile
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the bar-room tile...
Monday, May 30, 2011
Re: brains
I successfully blagged a DVD copy of World of the Dead to review for DVD & Blu-ray Review, and watched it a couple of days ago.
You can't see me.
Well, there are a couple of shots where a blurry zombie in the distance might be me, but that's it.
The end.
In more-or-less unrelated news, another thing I've been reviewing is the sixth series of Bleach. So now I have this stuck firmly in my head. And now I am trying to stick it firmly in yours. Consider it a gift!
You can't see me.
Well, there are a couple of shots where a blurry zombie in the distance might be me, but that's it.
The end.
In more-or-less unrelated news, another thing I've been reviewing is the sixth series of Bleach. So now I have this stuck firmly in my head. And now I am trying to stick it firmly in yours. Consider it a gift!
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Eulalia
From the age of about seven or eight to fifteen, I loved - loved - the Redwall series of books by Brian Jacques. I had the first thirteen of the series and compusively read and re-read them: my favourites were Redwall, Mossflower, Mattimeo, Mariel of Redwall, The Bellmaker, Outcast of Redwall, The Pearls of Lutra and The Long Patrol (man, that's eight out of thirteen, I can't decide which is the best! Maybe Bellmaker or Lutra. Or Outcast. Or...).
Anyway, they were wonderful. The first books I'd come across to really emphasise descriptions of places and things, they left mental images in my mind's eye so strong I can still recall them now. They were also the first place I came across several types of animals - polecats, pine martens, and most memorably, the shrike in Bellmaker (named Glokkjaw or something like that?), which I presumed was an animal Jacques had made up until I found it in a bird book several years later.
I re-read the books a few years ago, and they didn't quite stand up to an adult's eye - repetitive, predictable and with some slightly uncomfortable undertones that you could potentially read as mild racism, although I don't think that was intentional - but I'll always have a lot of love for the series as a key point in my reading history. And in fact I'm considering getting a couple of them for my niece to see what she thinks in a year or two.
As such, it's sad to hear of Jacques' death, and the fact that the forthcoming twenty-second novel in the series will abruptly be the last. R.I.P. Brian Jacques, and thank you for many, many, many happy hours of reading.
Anyway, they were wonderful. The first books I'd come across to really emphasise descriptions of places and things, they left mental images in my mind's eye so strong I can still recall them now. They were also the first place I came across several types of animals - polecats, pine martens, and most memorably, the shrike in Bellmaker (named Glokkjaw or something like that?), which I presumed was an animal Jacques had made up until I found it in a bird book several years later.
I re-read the books a few years ago, and they didn't quite stand up to an adult's eye - repetitive, predictable and with some slightly uncomfortable undertones that you could potentially read as mild racism, although I don't think that was intentional - but I'll always have a lot of love for the series as a key point in my reading history. And in fact I'm considering getting a couple of them for my niece to see what she thinks in a year or two.
As such, it's sad to hear of Jacques' death, and the fact that the forthcoming twenty-second novel in the series will abruptly be the last. R.I.P. Brian Jacques, and thank you for many, many, many happy hours of reading.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Teenagers? In connection with sex?
Looking through next week's Radio Times, I glanced at the write-up for Monday's episode of Glee. I think it was reviewed by Alison Graham, but I'm not certain and I can't be arsed to go downstairs and check; let's say it was her for the sake of argument.
Anyway, I obviously can't really comment until I've seen it, but apparently it involves much grinding of twenty-something-women-pretending-to-be-teenage-girls' buttocks in a variety of tight costumes. Graham is quite shocked by all this, and says something like, "It used to be such a sweet, wholesome show."
One can only assume that she never saw half of the first series, what with its (very funny) repeated visual gag about one character's issues with premature ejaculation.
Okay, Glee is never going to be American Pie, and it is largely sweetness and light, but come on. It is about teenagers, after all, and to quote the immortal Xander Harris:
"I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex."
Anyway, I obviously can't really comment until I've seen it, but apparently it involves much grinding of twenty-something-women-pretending-to-be-teenage-girls' buttocks in a variety of tight costumes. Graham is quite shocked by all this, and says something like, "It used to be such a sweet, wholesome show."
One can only assume that she never saw half of the first series, what with its (very funny) repeated visual gag about one character's issues with premature ejaculation.
Okay, Glee is never going to be American Pie, and it is largely sweetness and light, but come on. It is about teenagers, after all, and to quote the immortal Xander Harris:
"I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex."
Monday, December 13, 2010
On the kicking of ass, and the chewing of bubblegum
I downloaded Duke Nukem 3D on t'Xbox the other day, and have been playing it much of late. I did have the Saturn version way back when, but used the level select to skip through any bits I found too hard (i.e. most of it). So this is more or less a first playthrough.
And you know what's interesting? Its astonishing cheapness.
It's pretty hard, yeah. But a whole bunch of its hardness is due to the developers being cheating scumbags. Enemies fly around, shooting at you from slightly higher than you can move Duke's line-of-sight. Crucial bits of level-progression stuff are hidden in scenery that is nearly impossible to discern from non-descript background art. I've just come across a new type of enemy that flies at you and then self-destructs, doing a ton of damage - it's the aneurysm-inducing suicide soldiers from Serious Sam, except they can come from any angle and they're almost silent.
I'm not disparaging the game as a whole, mind. It's still a lot of fun to play, and it's interesting seeing the sort of stuff that became FPS standards: if I remember right, it was the first in the genre to offer some real-world environments; there are some basic switch puzzles that presage the way the genre has gradually grown a few brain cells; there's an emphasis on inventive weaponry, some of which is still distinctive (Shrinker! Woo!), as well as early outings for the sort of trap weaponry that is now common.
But it really is remarkable to see the sort of shenanigans that we used to put up with. Gearbox won't be able to get away with putting this sort of stuff in the forthcoming Forever. (If it actually is forthcoming. I'm remaining sceptical and Scully-like until the boxes are on shop shelves.)
And you know what's interesting? Its astonishing cheapness.
It's pretty hard, yeah. But a whole bunch of its hardness is due to the developers being cheating scumbags. Enemies fly around, shooting at you from slightly higher than you can move Duke's line-of-sight. Crucial bits of level-progression stuff are hidden in scenery that is nearly impossible to discern from non-descript background art. I've just come across a new type of enemy that flies at you and then self-destructs, doing a ton of damage - it's the aneurysm-inducing suicide soldiers from Serious Sam, except they can come from any angle and they're almost silent.
I'm not disparaging the game as a whole, mind. It's still a lot of fun to play, and it's interesting seeing the sort of stuff that became FPS standards: if I remember right, it was the first in the genre to offer some real-world environments; there are some basic switch puzzles that presage the way the genre has gradually grown a few brain cells; there's an emphasis on inventive weaponry, some of which is still distinctive (Shrinker! Woo!), as well as early outings for the sort of trap weaponry that is now common.
But it really is remarkable to see the sort of shenanigans that we used to put up with. Gearbox won't be able to get away with putting this sort of stuff in the forthcoming Forever. (If it actually is forthcoming. I'm remaining sceptical and Scully-like until the boxes are on shop shelves.)
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Brains, &c.
You should watch World of the Dead: The Zombie Diaries when it comes out. Why? Because I'm a zombie in it! Whether I'll actually show up on camera or not is an unknown quantity, but I'm in what I presume was one of the more expansive action sequences (a few soldiers and about a hundred zombies in the woods).
So, yeah. That's what I've been doing today.
So, yeah. That's what I've been doing today.
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Suspicions confirmed
I've been thinking for a while I should try and check out Twin Peaks some time.
And now the Horror Channel has started showing it nightly.
The TV execs are in my brain! And I love it.
Only remaining question is whether to use my newfound powers for good or evil.
And now the Horror Channel has started showing it nightly.
The TV execs are in my brain! And I love it.
Only remaining question is whether to use my newfound powers for good or evil.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Suspicions
Last Wednesday, a new TV series started. It was hosted by Wallace and Gromit.
Then on Friday, a new David Attenborough series began. It was immediately followed by a show about zombies.
Are TV execs reading my brainwaves and using them to commission new shows?
*wishes really hard for a proper gaming show hosted by Charlie Brooker*
Then on Friday, a new David Attenborough series began. It was immediately followed by a show about zombies.
Are TV execs reading my brainwaves and using them to commission new shows?
*wishes really hard for a proper gaming show hosted by Charlie Brooker*
Friday, October 15, 2010
A handy guide
I've just had this discussion with a friend via text message but I thought I'd save it here for posterity. When you've just come in from the pub:
Tea + toast + Lost in Translation = FUCK YEAH
Tea + toast + Lost in Translation = FUCK YEAH
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Bye now to the mighty Zone
Wow, that was a laboured pun. Even for me.
I've never really been a PC gamer, it's just too much of a headache. However, round about the turn of the millennium I did give the concept a go. And during this brief period (round about mid 1998 to late 2000), I did what I always do when confronted with a new area of gamesplaying to navigate - I turned to a magazine. Said magazine was PC Zone.
I have read many a gaming mag in my years - some lasted one curious issue, others stayed with me for extended periods, as I eagerly snapped up each new edition. PC Zone fell into the latter category. It was, quite simply, a very fine read. Even though my PC of the time was too basic to run the majority of titles featured - it could just about manage Half-Life, but that was the extent - I got it every month for around 15-18 issues. (Actually, I decided to stop getting it one month and reversed the decision the next, with the result that I missed #71, which included the Half-Life review. That always niggled me.) It was simply a delight to devour, with every writer offering their own slant - it was the first magazine that showed me how each writer can have a very distinct voice - and great heaping helpings of articles and features that were interesting even if I had no intent of buying the games they were talking about. On a more practical level, the monthly demo discs were great, too.
I still have a couple of issues - and possibly a demo disc or two - floating about, and as such I'm sad to see that it's closing after 17 years. Farewell, Zone - you'll be missed.
I've never really been a PC gamer, it's just too much of a headache. However, round about the turn of the millennium I did give the concept a go. And during this brief period (round about mid 1998 to late 2000), I did what I always do when confronted with a new area of gamesplaying to navigate - I turned to a magazine. Said magazine was PC Zone.
I have read many a gaming mag in my years - some lasted one curious issue, others stayed with me for extended periods, as I eagerly snapped up each new edition. PC Zone fell into the latter category. It was, quite simply, a very fine read. Even though my PC of the time was too basic to run the majority of titles featured - it could just about manage Half-Life, but that was the extent - I got it every month for around 15-18 issues. (Actually, I decided to stop getting it one month and reversed the decision the next, with the result that I missed #71, which included the Half-Life review. That always niggled me.) It was simply a delight to devour, with every writer offering their own slant - it was the first magazine that showed me how each writer can have a very distinct voice - and great heaping helpings of articles and features that were interesting even if I had no intent of buying the games they were talking about. On a more practical level, the monthly demo discs were great, too.
I still have a couple of issues - and possibly a demo disc or two - floating about, and as such I'm sad to see that it's closing after 17 years. Farewell, Zone - you'll be missed.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Pundamentals
Today I have been watching series six of CSI: NY for a review. It never ceases to amaze me how this show can get writers who are capable of good, twisty (if usually ludicrous) plots and yet cannot write dialogue to save their collective lives. More than once this afternoon I've thought, "Oh my goodness s/he actually just said that," and I'm only four episodes in.
(The only instance I can think of off the top of my head is where a couple of guys are chasing a street hustler who's been doing a bit of three-card monte. When they catch him, one guy says, "Looks like it's time to fold." GROAN)
Also, everything must be explained at least three times for slower audience members. I think at one point they managed to explain a plot detail six times in forty seconds.
(The only instance I can think of off the top of my head is where a couple of guys are chasing a street hustler who's been doing a bit of three-card monte. When they catch him, one guy says, "Looks like it's time to fold." GROAN)
Also, everything must be explained at least three times for slower audience members. I think at one point they managed to explain a plot detail six times in forty seconds.
Saturday, August 07, 2010
Living in the future, &c.
Every so often, the whole concept of Wi-Fi staggers me anew. I'm sitting in the front room Internetting it up on my new netbook with built in Wi-Fi, and it occurred to me that if you were to head back in time, say, twenty years, and explain how before long you'd be using tiny computers that could suck videos and information and music and stuff OUT OF THIN AIR you'd be burned as a witch.
...Although actually, thinking about it, it's only five years until Back to the Future II-time. Get a move on, hoverboard-developer-types, and so on.
...Although actually, thinking about it, it's only five years until Back to the Future II-time. Get a move on, hoverboard-developer-types, and so on.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Words
Broken Social Scene's album gives me an aural erection. I've had "World Sick" in my head all day and I love it. Discuss.
(You don't really have to discuss)
Also, my copy of I'm a Cyborg finally arrived today. It was quite good.
(You don't really have to discuss)
Also, my copy of I'm a Cyborg finally arrived today. It was quite good.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Now is the time to write on the blog
Oh god, that title is an old forum joke from about four years ago that about sixty people in the entire world will get. I'm such a nerd.
So yeah. I felt like writing on this but I didn't have a topic in mind so I figured I'd just start and see what happens.
Nothing, apparently.
I think I'm gonna try booting up the Dreamcast in a bit. I'm currently on my second model and I'm pretty sure it's dying. I want to see if I can't get a bit of Shenmue action in, though, I'm halfway through a playthrough. I think. Haven't touched the thing in months due to its nearing-death.
Random fact: did you know that The 5th Dimension, the old ride at Chessington World of Adventures, had a script written by Douglas Adams? Sadly I only ever got to go on it once, the very first time I went to Chessington, and it scared the life out of me and I kept my eyes shut most of the way round. I was five or six at the time, so hey.
Incidentally, I went to Thorpe Park a couple of weeks ago, and Saw The Ride? Brilliant. It's so much fun. While I love rollercoasters, a lot of them make me slightly queasy or, hey, scare me a bit. But Saw stands proud alongside the likes of Nemesis, Oblivion and Rita as being pure exhilarating joy.
*goes to check the post that just came through the door*
Goddammit Lovefilm, where's my copy of I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK? I got an email like last Thursday saying it had been posted and it hasn't turned up yet.
Okay I think I'm done blathering now. I might go watch an episode of Firefly or summat.
(Entire world: "NOBODY CARES")
So yeah. I felt like writing on this but I didn't have a topic in mind so I figured I'd just start and see what happens.
Nothing, apparently.
I think I'm gonna try booting up the Dreamcast in a bit. I'm currently on my second model and I'm pretty sure it's dying. I want to see if I can't get a bit of Shenmue action in, though, I'm halfway through a playthrough. I think. Haven't touched the thing in months due to its nearing-death.
Random fact: did you know that The 5th Dimension, the old ride at Chessington World of Adventures, had a script written by Douglas Adams? Sadly I only ever got to go on it once, the very first time I went to Chessington, and it scared the life out of me and I kept my eyes shut most of the way round. I was five or six at the time, so hey.
Incidentally, I went to Thorpe Park a couple of weeks ago, and Saw The Ride? Brilliant. It's so much fun. While I love rollercoasters, a lot of them make me slightly queasy or, hey, scare me a bit. But Saw stands proud alongside the likes of Nemesis, Oblivion and Rita as being pure exhilarating joy.
*goes to check the post that just came through the door*
Goddammit Lovefilm, where's my copy of I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK? I got an email like last Thursday saying it had been posted and it hasn't turned up yet.
Okay I think I'm done blathering now. I might go watch an episode of Firefly or summat.
(Entire world: "NOBODY CARES")
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Five great endings
Inspired by the fact that I've just been watching Lost in Translation, here are five great endings to things. Not necessarily the five best, but the fact that they're the first five to pop into my head probably counts for something.
5. Panzer Dragoon Saga
It may be twelve years old, but I still ain't gonna spoil it. It's probably on YouTube or something. What's brilliant is that it takes a staple occurrence of RPG gaming that happened right at the start of the game and that you no doubt forgot about and uses it to turn the entire plot on its head.
4. Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
World peace is ushered in through the power of rocking out. Yes.
3. "Not Fade Away", the last episode of Angel
Angel's last series was its best and its last episode was arguably the best of that. I don't read the comic continuation because this episode ends it so wonderfully.
2. Lost in Translation
Well, yeah. It's the use of The Jesus and Mary Chain's "Just Like Honey" that does it, really.
1. The last strip of Calvin and Hobbes
Duh.
5. Panzer Dragoon Saga
It may be twelve years old, but I still ain't gonna spoil it. It's probably on YouTube or something. What's brilliant is that it takes a staple occurrence of RPG gaming that happened right at the start of the game and that you no doubt forgot about and uses it to turn the entire plot on its head.
4. Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
World peace is ushered in through the power of rocking out. Yes.
3. "Not Fade Away", the last episode of Angel
Angel's last series was its best and its last episode was arguably the best of that. I don't read the comic continuation because this episode ends it so wonderfully.
2. Lost in Translation
Well, yeah. It's the use of The Jesus and Mary Chain's "Just Like Honey" that does it, really.
1. The last strip of Calvin and Hobbes
Duh.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The Bat Man
So I seem to be on a bit of a Batman kick at the moment. I've been fiddling about with the challenge mode in Arkham Asylum, I watched Batman Begins for the first time in yonks the other day and plan to follow it up with The Dark Knight soon, and last week I even dreamt I was the man himself.
I'm pretty sure this has been observed before now, but I reckon the two most likely villains to appear in Nolan's next Batpic will be the Riddler and Harley Quinn, due to the way that each villain is really being marked up as different sides of Bats' personality and/or modus operandi. Observe:
Begins had Scarecrow (fear) and Ra's al Ghul (deception). Both also involved symbolism.
Knight had Joker (theatricality) and Two-Face (dual identities). Both also involved madness.
The next one will have Riddler (intelligence) and Harley (obsession). Both also involve a certain "look-at-me" mentality.
Like I say, it's surely been pointed out before. But when it happens, I totally called it.
(Or alternatively the series will go off on a complete tangent and Man-Bat and Killer Moth will be the bad guys.)
I'm pretty sure this has been observed before now, but I reckon the two most likely villains to appear in Nolan's next Batpic will be the Riddler and Harley Quinn, due to the way that each villain is really being marked up as different sides of Bats' personality and/or modus operandi. Observe:
Begins had Scarecrow (fear) and Ra's al Ghul (deception). Both also involved symbolism.
Knight had Joker (theatricality) and Two-Face (dual identities). Both also involved madness.
The next one will have Riddler (intelligence) and Harley (obsession). Both also involve a certain "look-at-me" mentality.
Like I say, it's surely been pointed out before. But when it happens, I totally called it.
(Or alternatively the series will go off on a complete tangent and Man-Bat and Killer Moth will be the bad guys.)
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Psychoville is brilliant
A friend lent me the DVD and I finished watching it earlier today and it's brilliant
And they're doing some more
yay
And they're doing some more
yay
Friday, January 01, 2010
A list of films that I saw in the year 2009 and brief opinions on same
And you can't say fairer than that.
Inkheart
Good solid family fantasy in the Never Ending Story/Willow/other such '80s movies mould - not amazing, but decent entertainment. Also I read the book a few months later and the film's actually better. Worth a watch to see Andy Serkis really enjoy saying the phrase "duct tape".
Watchmen
Covered way back when - basically, not bad. A bit too beholden to the comic sometimes, but probably as good a movie as you could make out of the material without incurring too much fanboy wrath. Top marks to Billy Crudup, who essayed what must be one of the hardest roles in the history of everything brilliantly.
Let the Right One In
Excellent. Spooky, thoughtful, tender and atmospheric. And again, better than the book (although the fact that the original author wrote the screenplay probably helped there). A stunning pair of performances from the young leads.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
I basically only went to see this as an X-fan, expecting it to be fairly dire and SUPER-SERIOUS AND ANGSTY. Imagine my surprise and delight that everyone was more interested in being shamelessly over-the-top and silly. And did it have a bit where Hugh Jackman walked away from an explosion in slow motion? Yes, it did have a bit where Hugh Jackman walked away from an explosion in slow motion!
Coraline
Blimey, but this was a feast for the eyeballs. Being the first (and thus far, only) full-length film I've seen in 3D probably helped, but I kept having these moments where I'd admire a background detail then think "Someone made that." The atmosphere is impeccable, the soundtrack astonishing. My initial feeling was that the story was a little too simplistic, but on reflection I considered that it was deliberately positioning itself as a traditional fairy tale. Rewatchings on DVD also helped me pinpoint a few extra subtleties I'd missed the first time round. Basically, what I am saying is that this is an excellent film.
Star Trek
God bless you, JJ. You remembered that blockbusters used to be fun. This relentlessly entertaining romp kept me fully entertained in the most straightforward sense from beginning to end. And it had the best haircuts for extras in the history of anything ever.
I've Loved You So Long
Okay, so this isn't a 2009 film but I saw it in a cinema (well, my local arts centre) in 2009 and I hadn't seen it before so it counts. Fantastic acting all round, it might have been in with a shot of my favourite film of the year but for the plot, which seemed to be saying "Ha! Shocked you there!" when it was pretty obvious what was being led up to. Still superb, though.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
I found this passable enough when actually sitting in the cinema but upon reflection it was rubbish, wasn't it? Let's move on.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Otherwise known as David Yates Continues His Love Affair With The Colour Grey. Admittedly there was more point to the dour palette here than in Order of the Phoenix, but c'mon man. Anyway, it was all right in that special way that Harry Potter films have of being passable adaptations of books but fairly limp when it comes to being films in their own right.
(500) Days of Summer
Top stuff. Intelligently written and acted (top marks for protagonist Tom's descent into misery, where you feel bad for him but at the same time want to yell at him to stop being such a tit) with all sorts of brilliant inventive bits (the dance sequence, the split-screen party, the spoof of nouvelle vague that had me in absolute stitches). On a down note, I recognised several songs in the soundtrack but only own one of them, which means I'm not cool. Bah.
District 9
Very good, but not quite as good as the hype made out. An excellent performance from Sharlto Copley (who is apparently in the A-Team remake or something?) kept it grounded. Pun not really intended.
Creation
Excellent. Paul Bettany's central performance is surely worth an award nod or three, if not the awards themselves. Actually, everyone was fantastic in it. Some great sequences showing time-lapse nature, too.
Up
Another slightly over-hyped entry - I felt that the comedy and drama were superlative, but the action/adventure sections seemed tacked on and could quite easily have been junked. A slight disappointment, but only very slight. Doug is probably the best character in all the films of the year, though.
In the Loop
An exquisitely sharp wit, remarkably depressing, pretty much a failure when it comes to actually creating believable characters. Probably not the point for this sort of movie, admittedly, but I always find it hard to warm to films where you can't sympathise with at least one person.
Zombieland
Another one that I wasn't expecting much out of - probably a few good cheap laughs, inventive zombie-splotting, the end. A very nice surprise to find a witty, well-rounded comedy that satisfied on every level and leaves me wishing they'd hurry up and release the DVD already.
The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus
Yes, it got around Ledger's death smoothly, yes, it was very odd. And yes, surprisingly, Lily Cole gave a good performance. It did feel like a series of remarkable visual ideas searching for something more concrete, though.
9
Lovely look, good ideas, bit of a shame the script occasionally let it down. Not bad, but I imagine the short film that inspired it is probably better.
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Now this was great. Witty, charming, imaginative, and, as noted, had a stop-motion Jarvis Cocker in it. The scene where Mr. Fox and Badger's arguement devolves into snarling and claw-waving was quite possibly the funniest scene of the year. Loved the "cuss" stuff, as well, which was far funnier than it probably should have been.
Where the Wild Things Are
What an odd film. It captured that arbitrary logic of many kids' stories (by which I mean both stories for kids and stories by kids) exquisitely, and the monsters were remarkable. A flawless performance by the wonderfully-named Max Records as Max, too. Overall, good not great; very memorable, though. But seriously, how did Spike Jonze ever convince the suits to stump up the cash?
So, best film of the year? Well, it's a toss-up between Let the Right One In and Coraline. And frankly, I can't make my mind up (it was originally Swedish vampires quite comfortably, but DVD rewatchings of girl meeting scary Freudian monster has seen my opinion of it rise, and I haven't got round to rewatching Right One yet). We'll call it a draw for now.
Inkheart
Good solid family fantasy in the Never Ending Story/Willow/other such '80s movies mould - not amazing, but decent entertainment. Also I read the book a few months later and the film's actually better. Worth a watch to see Andy Serkis really enjoy saying the phrase "duct tape".
Watchmen
Covered way back when - basically, not bad. A bit too beholden to the comic sometimes, but probably as good a movie as you could make out of the material without incurring too much fanboy wrath. Top marks to Billy Crudup, who essayed what must be one of the hardest roles in the history of everything brilliantly.
Let the Right One In
Excellent. Spooky, thoughtful, tender and atmospheric. And again, better than the book (although the fact that the original author wrote the screenplay probably helped there). A stunning pair of performances from the young leads.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
I basically only went to see this as an X-fan, expecting it to be fairly dire and SUPER-SERIOUS AND ANGSTY. Imagine my surprise and delight that everyone was more interested in being shamelessly over-the-top and silly. And did it have a bit where Hugh Jackman walked away from an explosion in slow motion? Yes, it did have a bit where Hugh Jackman walked away from an explosion in slow motion!
Coraline
Blimey, but this was a feast for the eyeballs. Being the first (and thus far, only) full-length film I've seen in 3D probably helped, but I kept having these moments where I'd admire a background detail then think "Someone made that." The atmosphere is impeccable, the soundtrack astonishing. My initial feeling was that the story was a little too simplistic, but on reflection I considered that it was deliberately positioning itself as a traditional fairy tale. Rewatchings on DVD also helped me pinpoint a few extra subtleties I'd missed the first time round. Basically, what I am saying is that this is an excellent film.
Star Trek
God bless you, JJ. You remembered that blockbusters used to be fun. This relentlessly entertaining romp kept me fully entertained in the most straightforward sense from beginning to end. And it had the best haircuts for extras in the history of anything ever.
I've Loved You So Long
Okay, so this isn't a 2009 film but I saw it in a cinema (well, my local arts centre) in 2009 and I hadn't seen it before so it counts. Fantastic acting all round, it might have been in with a shot of my favourite film of the year but for the plot, which seemed to be saying "Ha! Shocked you there!" when it was pretty obvious what was being led up to. Still superb, though.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
I found this passable enough when actually sitting in the cinema but upon reflection it was rubbish, wasn't it? Let's move on.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Otherwise known as David Yates Continues His Love Affair With The Colour Grey. Admittedly there was more point to the dour palette here than in Order of the Phoenix, but c'mon man. Anyway, it was all right in that special way that Harry Potter films have of being passable adaptations of books but fairly limp when it comes to being films in their own right.
(500) Days of Summer
Top stuff. Intelligently written and acted (top marks for protagonist Tom's descent into misery, where you feel bad for him but at the same time want to yell at him to stop being such a tit) with all sorts of brilliant inventive bits (the dance sequence, the split-screen party, the spoof of nouvelle vague that had me in absolute stitches). On a down note, I recognised several songs in the soundtrack but only own one of them, which means I'm not cool. Bah.
District 9
Very good, but not quite as good as the hype made out. An excellent performance from Sharlto Copley (who is apparently in the A-Team remake or something?) kept it grounded. Pun not really intended.
Creation
Excellent. Paul Bettany's central performance is surely worth an award nod or three, if not the awards themselves. Actually, everyone was fantastic in it. Some great sequences showing time-lapse nature, too.
Up
Another slightly over-hyped entry - I felt that the comedy and drama were superlative, but the action/adventure sections seemed tacked on and could quite easily have been junked. A slight disappointment, but only very slight. Doug is probably the best character in all the films of the year, though.
In the Loop
An exquisitely sharp wit, remarkably depressing, pretty much a failure when it comes to actually creating believable characters. Probably not the point for this sort of movie, admittedly, but I always find it hard to warm to films where you can't sympathise with at least one person.
Zombieland
Another one that I wasn't expecting much out of - probably a few good cheap laughs, inventive zombie-splotting, the end. A very nice surprise to find a witty, well-rounded comedy that satisfied on every level and leaves me wishing they'd hurry up and release the DVD already.
The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus
Yes, it got around Ledger's death smoothly, yes, it was very odd. And yes, surprisingly, Lily Cole gave a good performance. It did feel like a series of remarkable visual ideas searching for something more concrete, though.
9
Lovely look, good ideas, bit of a shame the script occasionally let it down. Not bad, but I imagine the short film that inspired it is probably better.
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Now this was great. Witty, charming, imaginative, and, as noted, had a stop-motion Jarvis Cocker in it. The scene where Mr. Fox and Badger's arguement devolves into snarling and claw-waving was quite possibly the funniest scene of the year. Loved the "cuss" stuff, as well, which was far funnier than it probably should have been.
Where the Wild Things Are
What an odd film. It captured that arbitrary logic of many kids' stories (by which I mean both stories for kids and stories by kids) exquisitely, and the monsters were remarkable. A flawless performance by the wonderfully-named Max Records as Max, too. Overall, good not great; very memorable, though. But seriously, how did Spike Jonze ever convince the suits to stump up the cash?
So, best film of the year? Well, it's a toss-up between Let the Right One In and Coraline. And frankly, I can't make my mind up (it was originally Swedish vampires quite comfortably, but DVD rewatchings of girl meeting scary Freudian monster has seen my opinion of it rise, and I haven't got round to rewatching Right One yet). We'll call it a draw for now.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Ten in 2010
I have that Bad Religion song pop into my head whenever I ponder next year. Too much time playing Crazy Taxi, obviously.
(Side note: there is no such thing as "too much time playing Crazy Taxi")
So I thought it would be a neat fit if I made a list of Ten things I am looking forward to in 2010. Do you see? Do you? Do you?
In no order beyond alphabetical!
Books
1. Scott Pilgrim vol. 6 by Bryan Lee O'Malley
Why should it rock? Because it is the last in the Scott Pilgrim series and the Scott Pilgrim series is one of the best things anyone has done ever.
Why might it suck? If the art gets any stubbier the characters may actually disappear. Also if there isn't a Mega Man-style boss rush where all the evil exes appear again I might cry.
Movies
2. Alice in Wonderland
Why should it rock? Because it is Tim Burton directing an adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. With Alan Rickman as the Caterpillar.
Why might it suck? Because there's a billion versions of it already. Also, it's a sort of "sequel" with a teenage Alice, which could potentially be quite interesting and also potentially be bloody awful. Plus American McGee did that already.
3. Ponyo
Why should it rock? Because it is Hayao Miyazaki's new film. Well, new-ish. I think the UK is about the only part of the world where it hasn't been released yet.
Why might it suck? It may not actually be good enough to cure cancer. I wouldn't bet on it, mind.
3. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Why should it rock? Because it is Edgar Wright directing all six books in one glorious go. His copious on-set photos have already proved that if nothing else it'll prove magnificent detail-spotting fun.
Why might it suck? Six books in two hours? Also, it may actually come out before the sixth book, which would cause all sorts of quandaries (although I seem to recall reading that the film has a different ending to the book).
4. Toy Story 3
Why should it rock? Because it is Toy Story 3. It's like Toy Story 2, plus one.
Why might it suck? The guys voicing Mr. Potato Head and Slinky Dog have both died since the last one (although you can't really tell from the trailer).
Video games
5. Bayonetta
Why should it rock? It looks very much being like the maddest game ever made. Considering it's the spiritual sequel to God Hand, this is saying something. (Quick rundown - you play a witch who wears a suit made out of her own hair and shoot angels with the guns you've got strapped to your boots.)
Why might it suck? It might not actually be fun to play. Although word from Japan seems to suggest the exact opposite.
6. Bioshock 2
Why should it rock? The first Bioshock is one of the best games I've ever played. The additions for the new game sound intriguing, but the main draw for me is simply getting to explore more of the underwater art deco dystopia of Rapture.
Why might it suck? It's being made by a different development team, and it's arguable that the first game didn't really need a sequel. Also, the Big Sister fights sound as though they may leave me a gibbering wreck on the floor.
7. Crackdown 2
Why should it rock? Crackdown plus one. All the new features announced thus far sound, to borrow the vernacular, sweet as.
Why might it suck? Again, it's being made by a different team. However, several of the original programmers have defected to this team, so the point may be moot.
8. Dead Rising 2
Why should it rock? It sounds like all the good bits of Dead Rising, minus the big helpings of rubbish idiocy that stopped it from actually being enjoyable.
Why might it suck? They may have kept the rubbish bits in and just not told us.
9. Ni-no-Kuni: The Another World
Why should it rock? It's an RPG from Level-5, the current can-do-no-wrong darlings of the gaming world. (Professor Layton and the recent Dragon Quests be theirs.) And they've teamed up with Studio Ghibli, who are doing the cutscenes and the general art design. I shall repeat that: Level-5 and Studio Ghibli have teamed up to make an RPG. Oh, and Joe Hisaishi's doing the music.
Why might it suck? I didn't really get on with Level-5's Rogue Galaxy. That's the best I can come up with on the downside. This game will fucking rock.
10. Tatsunoko vs. Capcom: Ultimate All-Stars
Why should it rock? I've got a soft spot for big crossover fighters. Despite the fact I've never heard of nearly all of Tatsunoko's output (they're a Japanese animation company, if you're wondering), the chance to pit Ryu against Viewtiful Joe is good enough for me.
Why might it suck? I don't think it will. I'm not looking for the sort of head-spinning brilliance I'm hoping the other things on this list will provide, merely silly, enjoyable entertainment. Which I suspect this will deliver on.
(Side note: there is no such thing as "too much time playing Crazy Taxi")
So I thought it would be a neat fit if I made a list of Ten things I am looking forward to in 2010. Do you see? Do you? Do you?
In no order beyond alphabetical!
Books
1. Scott Pilgrim vol. 6 by Bryan Lee O'Malley
Why should it rock? Because it is the last in the Scott Pilgrim series and the Scott Pilgrim series is one of the best things anyone has done ever.
Why might it suck? If the art gets any stubbier the characters may actually disappear. Also if there isn't a Mega Man-style boss rush where all the evil exes appear again I might cry.
Movies
2. Alice in Wonderland
Why should it rock? Because it is Tim Burton directing an adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. With Alan Rickman as the Caterpillar.
Why might it suck? Because there's a billion versions of it already. Also, it's a sort of "sequel" with a teenage Alice, which could potentially be quite interesting and also potentially be bloody awful. Plus American McGee did that already.
3. Ponyo
Why should it rock? Because it is Hayao Miyazaki's new film. Well, new-ish. I think the UK is about the only part of the world where it hasn't been released yet.
Why might it suck? It may not actually be good enough to cure cancer. I wouldn't bet on it, mind.
3. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Why should it rock? Because it is Edgar Wright directing all six books in one glorious go. His copious on-set photos have already proved that if nothing else it'll prove magnificent detail-spotting fun.
Why might it suck? Six books in two hours? Also, it may actually come out before the sixth book, which would cause all sorts of quandaries (although I seem to recall reading that the film has a different ending to the book).
4. Toy Story 3
Why should it rock? Because it is Toy Story 3. It's like Toy Story 2, plus one.
Why might it suck? The guys voicing Mr. Potato Head and Slinky Dog have both died since the last one (although you can't really tell from the trailer).
Video games
5. Bayonetta
Why should it rock? It looks very much being like the maddest game ever made. Considering it's the spiritual sequel to God Hand, this is saying something. (Quick rundown - you play a witch who wears a suit made out of her own hair and shoot angels with the guns you've got strapped to your boots.)
Why might it suck? It might not actually be fun to play. Although word from Japan seems to suggest the exact opposite.
6. Bioshock 2
Why should it rock? The first Bioshock is one of the best games I've ever played. The additions for the new game sound intriguing, but the main draw for me is simply getting to explore more of the underwater art deco dystopia of Rapture.
Why might it suck? It's being made by a different development team, and it's arguable that the first game didn't really need a sequel. Also, the Big Sister fights sound as though they may leave me a gibbering wreck on the floor.
7. Crackdown 2
Why should it rock? Crackdown plus one. All the new features announced thus far sound, to borrow the vernacular, sweet as.
Why might it suck? Again, it's being made by a different team. However, several of the original programmers have defected to this team, so the point may be moot.
8. Dead Rising 2
Why should it rock? It sounds like all the good bits of Dead Rising, minus the big helpings of rubbish idiocy that stopped it from actually being enjoyable.
Why might it suck? They may have kept the rubbish bits in and just not told us.
9. Ni-no-Kuni: The Another World
Why should it rock? It's an RPG from Level-5, the current can-do-no-wrong darlings of the gaming world. (Professor Layton and the recent Dragon Quests be theirs.) And they've teamed up with Studio Ghibli, who are doing the cutscenes and the general art design. I shall repeat that: Level-5 and Studio Ghibli have teamed up to make an RPG. Oh, and Joe Hisaishi's doing the music.
Why might it suck? I didn't really get on with Level-5's Rogue Galaxy. That's the best I can come up with on the downside. This game will fucking rock.
10. Tatsunoko vs. Capcom: Ultimate All-Stars
Why should it rock? I've got a soft spot for big crossover fighters. Despite the fact I've never heard of nearly all of Tatsunoko's output (they're a Japanese animation company, if you're wondering), the chance to pit Ryu against Viewtiful Joe is good enough for me.
Why might it suck? I don't think it will. I'm not looking for the sort of head-spinning brilliance I'm hoping the other things on this list will provide, merely silly, enjoyable entertainment. Which I suspect this will deliver on.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Dearie me
Those wacky Japanese-porn-comment-people are still at it. That post has got 56 comments now.
Monday, November 23, 2009
"So Bob, whatcha get me for Christmas?"
(adopts croaky voice) "I got you WEIRDNESS."
I'm confident that filming that video is the most fun any of the people in it have ever had.
I'm confident that filming that video is the most fun any of the people in it have ever had.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Why you should see Fantastic Mr. Fox
Well, there are multiple reasons, like "it's a good film" and such. But the main reason is that there is a character in it called Petey. He's one of Farmer Bean's lackeys, and he's voiced by Jarvis Cocker.
And rather than make up his appearance, they just made the model look like Jarvis Cocker.
This is a film with a stop-motion Jarvis Cocker in it.
And yes, he's holding a banjo because he sings a song at one point. Then Michael Gambon (Bean) shouts at him.
Me and my friend Phil sincerely hope Jarvis was given the model after filming finished and it now adorns his mantlepiece.
And rather than make up his appearance, they just made the model look like Jarvis Cocker.
This is a film with a stop-motion Jarvis Cocker in it.
And yes, he's holding a banjo because he sings a song at one point. Then Michael Gambon (Bean) shouts at him.Me and my friend Phil sincerely hope Jarvis was given the model after filming finished and it now adorns his mantlepiece.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
We are two mariners
Dear ITV, I have an idea to help get you some more viewers. It is a spin-off of The X Factor, called The D Factor. Basically it is almost exactly like its parent show, except the "wannabe hopefuls" or whatever they are called are only allowed to sing Decemberists songs.
This would work because a) it would be hilarious and b) I would watch it, so you're guaranteed a whole extra viewer. I feel the concept of a wild-eyed seventeen-year-old girl singing the entirety of "The Mariner's Revenge Song" in the time-honoured overblown-Mariah-Carey-style, caught in the glow of ten million lights, sweat trickling on her brow as Simon Cowell, Thingy and Whatsit furrow their brows and say, "Hmm", is one that quite frankly you owe humanity.
On a completely unrelated note, does anyone know if the "http" actually stands for anything?
This would work because a) it would be hilarious and b) I would watch it, so you're guaranteed a whole extra viewer. I feel the concept of a wild-eyed seventeen-year-old girl singing the entirety of "The Mariner's Revenge Song" in the time-honoured overblown-Mariah-Carey-style, caught in the glow of ten million lights, sweat trickling on her brow as Simon Cowell, Thingy and Whatsit furrow their brows and say, "Hmm", is one that quite frankly you owe humanity.
On a completely unrelated note, does anyone know if the "http" actually stands for anything?
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Ten Celebrities Who Would Clearly Survive the Zombie Apocalypse
I went to see Zombieland with a friend last night, it was extremely entertaining and comes recommended for those of you who like jokes and the sight of Woody Harrelson beating up a zombie with a banjo. On the way back we started compiling a list of, you guessed it, Ten Celebrities Who Would Clearly Survive the Zombie Apocalypse. We got to about 5 and I have taken it upon myself to fill in the rest.
In no partickerlar order:
Willie Nelson
Why? Because he is a hardcore fellow of the sort you suspect would nut the Grim Reaper if they were to meet on a dark corner one night. Also Harrelson's character mentioned liking his music in the film so he was obviously looming large in our minds.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Guitar over the head.
Lemmy
Why? It is a well-documented fact that Lemmy is indestructible.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Bass guitar over the head. Jack Daniel's-composed molotov cocktail for "afters".
Keith Richards
Why? See Lemmy.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Retreat up palm tree, hurl coconuts at incoming hordes.
Iggy Pop
Why? See Lemmy and Keith Richards.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Distract ravenous undead with ill-advised car insurance adverts. Use momentary advantage to bodily hurl a skinhead Ewan McGregor at them.
Max Brooks
Why? He wrote The Zombie Survival Guide. Presumably he would lead humanity, John Connor-style.
Preferred method of zombie execution: To paraphrase the book (it's been a long time since I flicked through it and I don't have a copy to hand) - "Blades don't need reloading".
Simon Pegg
Why? When you're writing articles for the Guardian on how zombies work, you know you know your stuff. I'd guess he'd act as Brooks' loyal deputy.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Cricket bat.
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Why? Years and years and years of beating up everything that California's effects guys can throw at her. This can be applied to any female star of one of Joss Whedon's shows, really. And Milla Jovovich.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Kick their heads off.
Russell Crowe
Why? He's a hard nut, innee?
Preferred method of zombie execution: Projectile telephone. Are we not entertained, etc, etc.
Judi Dench
Why? Even a zombie wouldn't lack decorum to such an extent as to try it on with Dame Judi.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Beat them to a pulp with an Oscar.
Christian Bale
Why? He's the Goddam Batman.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Terrifying rage.
In no partickerlar order:
Willie Nelson
Why? Because he is a hardcore fellow of the sort you suspect would nut the Grim Reaper if they were to meet on a dark corner one night. Also Harrelson's character mentioned liking his music in the film so he was obviously looming large in our minds.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Guitar over the head.
Lemmy
Why? It is a well-documented fact that Lemmy is indestructible.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Bass guitar over the head. Jack Daniel's-composed molotov cocktail for "afters".
Keith Richards
Why? See Lemmy.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Retreat up palm tree, hurl coconuts at incoming hordes.
Iggy Pop
Why? See Lemmy and Keith Richards.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Distract ravenous undead with ill-advised car insurance adverts. Use momentary advantage to bodily hurl a skinhead Ewan McGregor at them.
Max Brooks
Why? He wrote The Zombie Survival Guide. Presumably he would lead humanity, John Connor-style.
Preferred method of zombie execution: To paraphrase the book (it's been a long time since I flicked through it and I don't have a copy to hand) - "Blades don't need reloading".
Simon Pegg
Why? When you're writing articles for the Guardian on how zombies work, you know you know your stuff. I'd guess he'd act as Brooks' loyal deputy.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Cricket bat.
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Why? Years and years and years of beating up everything that California's effects guys can throw at her. This can be applied to any female star of one of Joss Whedon's shows, really. And Milla Jovovich.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Kick their heads off.
Russell Crowe
Why? He's a hard nut, innee?
Preferred method of zombie execution: Projectile telephone. Are we not entertained, etc, etc.
Judi Dench
Why? Even a zombie wouldn't lack decorum to such an extent as to try it on with Dame Judi.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Beat them to a pulp with an Oscar.
Christian Bale
Why? He's the Goddam Batman.
Preferred method of zombie execution: Terrifying rage.
Friday, October 09, 2009
Things I Have Done In Scribblenauts In The Few Hours Since I Bought It
# Tried to spawn Shakespeare, been disappointed (it seems the only famous person is if you rickroll - Einstein gives you a generic scientist, all others I've tried have yielded nothing)
# Discovered that a priest with a nunchuk can beat up Ra with surprising ease
# Found that a liger can beat a tiger
# Been absolutely delighted that manticores and chimeras can be summoned
# Been even more delighted that Behemoth and Leviathan actually give you Behemoth and Leviathan rather than generic monsters
# Tried to get Queen Elizabeth I and ended up with a female zombie, presumed it was deliberate
# Found kappas, tanuki (as in the mythological version rather than raccoon dogs), red caps and hobgoblins (although "hobgoblin" gives you the same as "orc" so I guess that doesn't really count)
# Formed a crimefighting team of me on a stegosaurus, a scientist on a camel and God on a zebra
# Found that if you type "pine marten" you get a wolverine - okay, same group of animals, but they ain't that alike... (ferret, stoat and weasel all give you a basic mustelid model)
# Ridden a narwhal
# Stuck a badger to a queen's hand with some glue
# Done some levels
# Discovered that a priest with a nunchuk can beat up Ra with surprising ease
# Found that a liger can beat a tiger
# Been absolutely delighted that manticores and chimeras can be summoned
# Been even more delighted that Behemoth and Leviathan actually give you Behemoth and Leviathan rather than generic monsters
# Tried to get Queen Elizabeth I and ended up with a female zombie, presumed it was deliberate
# Found kappas, tanuki (as in the mythological version rather than raccoon dogs), red caps and hobgoblins (although "hobgoblin" gives you the same as "orc" so I guess that doesn't really count)
# Formed a crimefighting team of me on a stegosaurus, a scientist on a camel and God on a zebra
# Found that if you type "pine marten" you get a wolverine - okay, same group of animals, but they ain't that alike... (ferret, stoat and weasel all give you a basic mustelid model)
# Ridden a narwhal
# Stuck a badger to a queen's hand with some glue
# Done some levels
Friday, September 11, 2009
Everybody's supersonic racing
So, a new 2D HD Sonic game for next year? I am intriguéd. And because everyone on the Internet already has fifty-seven opinions on it, here am I to offer what I would like to see.
- Really fancy sprites. Work for the HD tag. I want Vanillaware-level quality here. I was, in fact, playing Sonic Advance 2 the other day and I decided that I prefer Sonic in sprites to polygons. Apparently I am retro.
- Extra characters, but keep 'em leashed. I happen to rather like the ridiculously huge supporting cast, but let's just have them popping up in little cameos most of the time. Maybe have Tails tagging along behind Sonic, Sonic 2/3-style, but have any other characters non-playable and limited. Let's see Knuckles, Amy, Cream, Big, Omega, maybe Rouge, the Chaotix and possibly Blaze and Marine for the heck of it. Oh, and revive Mighty, Fang/Nack and Bark. No brand-new characters though.
- Eggman is the main villain. No "henchman suddenly takes control" again. Although from what I can gather they already did that in Unleashed, but I haven't played that.
- Proper badniks. By "badniks" I mean "robots that look like animals and when you bop 'em little animals come out". None of this generic humanoid stuff, it's just not as aesthetically interesting. (Honourable exception for the steampunk robots from Rush Adventure's Machine Labyrinth.)
- Zones and acts. It still feels odd not popping "Zone" on the end of a Sonic level.
- Less running, more platforming. Using momentum more, like back in The Good Old Days. Spin Dash and rolling about, baby.
- Music by Hideki Naganuma or Richard Jacques. Either is acceptable. Or both.
- Get seven Chaos Emeralds, become Super Sonic. From what I can recall, you haven't been able to be Super Sonic in any old level since Sonic 3 & Knuckles. Tut.
- Metal Sonic. Metal Sonic is cool.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Concerning women member increase
So the other day I noticed that this post had suddenly got a few comments, and they were all in Japanese. "Huh," I thought. "Well, I guess it is about a giant robot suit, and them crazy Japanese folks do love their giant robot suits."
Then today I noticed it had grown to 8 comments, and investigated further.
Here's a Babelfish translation.
Yup, it's porn. Like giant robot suits? You sure will love naked Japanese ladies!
Then today I noticed it had grown to 8 comments, and investigated further.
Here's a Babelfish translation.
Yup, it's porn. Like giant robot suits? You sure will love naked Japanese ladies!
I like compewter gamez
And I currently like Batman: Arkham Asylum. It's very good.
I also like that Scribblenauts is out this month. I also like that Professor Layton 2 is out this month. I also like that Brütal Legend is out next month.
But what do I like most of all?
I like that they're making a sequel to Ōkami.
!
I also like that Scribblenauts is out this month. I also like that Professor Layton 2 is out this month. I also like that Brütal Legend is out next month.
But what do I like most of all?
I like that they're making a sequel to Ōkami.
!
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